


Oh I Need a Breath

by annalyia



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, College AU, F/M, Fluff, I'll probably add more tags if necessary, Implied/Referenced Sex, Mild Language, another college au for dragon age, hello friends it's just what we need
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-20
Updated: 2017-09-07
Packaged: 2018-10-21 10:06:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 41,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10683102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annalyia/pseuds/annalyia
Summary: Alcohol and college parties can lead to awkward encounters between two confused and hormonal teenagers(previously titled The Untitled College AU Project)(updates at some point oh god I'm so bad at schedules)





	1. Chapter 1

It rains the very first day of class.  Hearing the gentle pitter patter against her window, Jane Trevelyan sighs and grabs a ponytail holder before pulling her hair up. 

“So much for having the perfect outfit and hair combination today,” her roommate, Josephine, comments.  “But don’t worry; you look just fine with your hair up, too.” 

“Thanks, Josie,” Jane replies.  Even though Jane herself comes from a family of money, it has done nothing to help her sense of style.  She is envious of the ease with which Josie carries herself and dresses.  Being from Antiva probably helps in that department.

“Of course,” Josie says with a smile.  “Now hurry up!  I know you don’t want to be late for your first calculus class.”

“Your sarcasm is, as always, appreciated,” Jane says, throwing her backpack over her shoulder and heading out of their dorm room. 

She makes her way across the small campus for Skyhold College in Fereldan to the building designated for math.  It’s small and kind of dingy, but that’s to be expected in a school that’s better known for producing lawyers and doctors than mathematicians.  Jane enters the building and, eventually, her classroom.  She finds a seat in the second row – close enough to the front to say ‘I’m here and I want to learn,’ but not so close that she appears to be a nerd. 

Her fellow classmates slowly but surely trickle in behind her and she notices every one of them.  One of the last people to come through the door is a boy with wavy blonde hair and thick rimmed glasses. 

Jane’s eyes widen.

Blonde curls between her fingers as he is busy between her legs.

A furious blush makes its way up Jane’s face. 

No.

No, it can’t be him.

By this point, Jane is debating whether or not she should come up with something and just excuse herself from this class for the rest of her life. 

 Unfortunately, the boy sits just a few desks away from her and, before she can react, their professor walks in and begins class. 

Roll is called and Jane learns that the boy’s name is Cullen Rutherford.  She sneaks a peek as he responds to his name and then inwardly groans as she realizes that he is, in fact, the same boy from three nights ago. 

It had been a stupid mistake, really.  Drinking too much always led to problems, but neither of them had ever really experienced it before. 

The blush returns to Jane’s cheeks as she remembers just what exactly she experienced about this Cullen Rutherford. 

Class is, thankfully, just their professor covering the syllabus.  Before dismissing them, however, he informs his class of a weekly assignment that they will have.  “It’s just a simple worksheet done in pairs that I have already assigned,” he announces, much to the dismay of the class.  “Once I say your names, you and your partner may leave.”  As he begins to call out the pairs, Jane crosses her fingers and says a quick prayer to the Maker, but she has a sinking feeling in her stomach that her luck will not hold out.  “Jane Trevelyan and Cullen Rutherford,” he says, and it is all Jane can do to not groan out loud and embarrass them both. 

Instead, she turns to Cullen, a small smile on her face.  She packs away her notebook and slings her backpack over her shoulder before walking over to Cullen.  “So, it looks like we’re working together,” she says. 

“That is does,” Cullen replies.  “Here.”  He takes out his phone and hands it to her.  “That way we can text and figure out this project.” 

Jane, face reddening, takes his phone from his hand and quickly punches in her number. 

Cullen doesn’t really understand why she seems so nervous.

But then she gives him back his phone and they make eye contact, green meeting amber.

Wait, green eyes?

Bright green eyes and skin covered in freckles.  Noses brushing as they lock eyes and move together.  Soft skin under his calloused hands.

Doing his best to remain calm, Cullen takes his phone and wishes Jane a good first day.

Since he has the next hour and a half free, he goes and sits on a bench under one of the massive trees on campus, head in his hands.

How could he have forgotten? 

“Now, what on earth could have you moping already?” says a familiar voice. 

Cullen peaks out from behind his fingers to see his roommate, Dorian, standing in front of him.

“I think I did something bad,” the blonde laments. 

Plopping down next to him, Dorian asks, “and what would that be?”

“I might have hooked up with someone after that party I went to on Friday,” Cullen says.  “And I also might have only just now remembered doing so.” 

Dorian’s eyebrows arch.  “You really don’t remember?”

“Oh no.”

“You showed back up to the room completely wasted with a girl in tow.”  Dorian frowns and strokes his chin.  “She was pretty, if you’re into that sort of person; brown hair, green eyes, lots of freckles.  I tried to get your attention, but you were, ah, rather distracted, so I just left the room and went to spend time with Dareth.  I was previously assuming, and now I know, that our nights ended very similarly.”  Throwing an arm around Cullen’s shoulders, Dorian continues, “it’s not that bad, friend!  We all have had our fair share of drunken hook ups.”  Cullen doesn’t respond.  “This was not just another hook up, was it?”  Still no response.  “Cullen Stanton Rutherford, was your first time with a girl who was just as inebriated as you were?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Dorian lets out a hoot.  “That is definitely something,” he says, laughter still shaking his body.  “Let me guess, you had completely forgotten about this until you saw her in your class and something about her sparked your memory?”

“And now we’re paired together on a project that lasts all semester.”

“Oh this is _rich_ ,” Dorian says.  “At least I’ve managed to keep in contact with my one hook up so far this semester.  And let me tell you, he is worth it.”

“I don’t want to know about all the men you’re fucking, Dorian,” Cullen says with a sigh.  “Besides, I kind of have something slightly bigger on my plate right now, and it’s only the first day of school.” 

“Why does it have to be such a big deal?”  Dorian asks, genuinely confused.  “College hook ups are almost more common than Fereldans who smell like dogs, no offense,” he adds, noticing Cullen’s annoyed expression.  “Anyways, just try to act normal around her and I’m sure that everything will be just fine.”  Standing, Dorian extends a hand to Cullen.  “Now come on, I told Dareth I’d meet him in the caf and I’m not about to leave you here sulking when you’ve only been to one class.”

Cullen reluctantly takes Dorian up on his offer and follows his roommate to the cafeteria.  They arrive and Dorian scans the tables for Dareth.  His face lights up as he spots the boy on the other side of the room.  Cullen’s face darkens as he notices Jane sitting with Dareth.  “Maybe I should, uh, just go back to the room before class,” he says. 

“Definitely not,” Dorian replies, looping his arm through Cullen’s and all but dragging the other man to the table.  “You’re going to have to get used to being around her anyways, so why not start now?”

Repressing a groan, Cullen doesn’t respond other than with a simple nod of his head. 

“Dareth!” Dorian calls out, a bright smile on his face. 

“Dorian!” is the response, Dareth’s grin stretching the scar on his cheek.  “So you made it after all!  Who is this?” he asks, noticing Cullen and the slightly miserable look on his face. 

“Cullen Rutherford,” the blonde says.  “Dorian is my roommate.”

Dareth’s eyebrows arch somewhat.  “Really now?  How lucky!”  Dareth jumps as Jane grabs his hand and squeezes it tightly.  “Oh and how could I have forgotten?  This lovely lady right here—” Cullen and Jane both pale at that declaration “—is Jane Trevelyan, my best friend and the only person who has really, truly put up with me for as long as I can remember.”

“You’re too kind, Dareth,” she says with a small smile.  “If anything, you’re the one that has to put up with me.  I’m a wreck most of the time.”  She giggles.  Looking up at Dorian and Cullen she says, “and on that note, I’m off to my principles of biology class.  It was nice seeing you again, Dorian, and it was good to see that we have mutual friends, Cullen.”  Jane quickly and clumsily gets up from her chair next to Dareth, knocking over her water bottle.  “Whoops,” she says, a blush creeping its way up her face. 

“No worries, Jane,” Dareth says with a laugh.  He hands his best friend her water bottle.  “Have fun in your class, okay?”

“You got it, dude,” she replies, smiling.  And with that, she waves goodbye to the boys and heads out. 

Dorian leaves his bag by his seat and runs off to grab some food, while Cullen sits down at and lays his head on the table, emitting a low groan.  “You okay there, bud?” Dareth asks.

“What?  Oh, yes.  I’ve just, uh, had a long day already.”

“How come?”

“Calculus was an interesting class, to say the least.”

Dareth is glad that Cullen can’t see him smirk.  “I’m sure it’ll get better as the semester goes on.”

“I surely hope so,” Cullen says, sighing. 

“Gonna get any food?”

“I probably should.” 

\---

Meanwhile, Jane is having serious trouble paying any sort of attention to her principles of biology professor.  Of _course_ her best friend is sleeping with the roommate of the boy she hooked up with.  She’s still so embarrassed that it happened in the first place.  She absolutely cannot believe that she slept with a boy she had never met before.

Isn’t she supposed to be a good girl?

That’s what she’s been told her entire life – her older siblings were all the star pupils of their classes, never getting in trouble or making below an A in their classes.  They never (to her knowledge, anyways) had a drop of alcohol underage and only brought home people that their parents approved of. 

Her class is finally dismissed and Jane picks up her books and makes her way to Dareth’s room.  His roommate never showed up, leaving him with a single, so Jane likes to spend her time over there because Josie is constantly entertaining guests, even though school has only barely just begun.  She knocks on Dareth’s door and an, “uh, who is it?” is the answer.

“Me.”

“Oh, hey, Jane, just give me a second, okay?”

“If I’m, uh, interrupting anything I can come back later, bud,” she says sheepishly.

“No, no, it’s fine!  Nothing was really happening, don’t worry about it.”

“Well it could have been something,” she hears Dorian grumble quietly.

A shirtless Dareth opens the door and Jane is able to see all of his scars.  She is proud of him for not hiding them from this new boy.  “I always have time for you, my lady,” he says with a wink.  “Sorry ‘bout the state of things in here, but it was a long weekend.”

“No worries,” Jane says, throwing herself face down on the extra bed.  “I wanna die anyways, so it’s not like it matters.”  Her voice is muffled by the mattress.

“Jane, really, it’s not that big of a deal,” Dareth says.  “From what you were saying at lunch, he doesn’t even seem like he remembers anything.”

Turning over to lie on her back, Jane replies, “your point?  It still happened.  There’s no way that I’m going to be able to hide this from my parents, let alone my siblings.  You know I’m a terrible liar.”

“While that may be so, it’s okay.  Sometimes these things happen; sometimes we make mistakes and do things we aren’t proud of.”

“I guess…”

Dorian clears his throat.  “If I, ah, may be so bold, why are you so embarrassed?”

Jane side-eyes Dorian.  “How could a guy that beautiful ever want to be with a girl like me?  Obviously, it was the alcohol doing all of the talking.”  She pauses.  “Besides, it was, um, my first time and I can barely even remember it.  I can hardly recall what he looked like, not to even mention how it felt.”  She groans and covers her face with her hands.  “I just can’t believe I was so damn stupid!  And now we’re paired together on a project and he doesn’t remember the fact that he fucked me so well that getting out of bed the next morning was a chore.”  A few tears well up in her eyes.  “I just can’t believe I was so damn _stupid_ ,” she repeats.  “I just…want to talk to him and want to get to know him better.  Like, what if there was a chance that he could actually like me for me, despite how boring I am?  I don’t just want this to end in a drunken hookup that barely meant anything,” she mumbles.  “He’s so cute and he really does seem nice.”  One of the tears falls down her cheek and her lower lip trembles. 

Dareth gets off his bed and moves to lie down next to Jane, taking her into his arms and pulling her close.  “Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay, Jane.”  He smooths her hair and kisses the top of her head in the way that only a best friend can do.  More of her tears fall.  “I know that this sort of thing means a lot to you.”  Dareth holds his best friend as she cries. 

"I feel so stupid,” she mumbles, sniffling.

“You’re not stupid,” Dareth replies firmly.  “You’re just far away from home for the first time in your life and you aren’t sure what to do.  It’s okay.”

“How do I deal with this, though?  How am I supposed to work on weekly projects with him for an entire semester when all I want to do is cry because I feel like I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life by having sex with a guy that I don’t even know?”  She takes a shaky breath.  “I just…don’t want to feel this way.”

A deep frown has etched its way onto Dorian’s face. 

This is not good.

Before he can say anything, however, Jane speaks up.  “Can you, um, not mention that this happened to Cullen, please?” she asks him.  “I don’t want to make him worry or feel bad for something he can’t remember.”

“I, uh, sure,” Dorian says. 

So much for that.

They stay like that for a little while, Dareth and Jane snuggled close together and Dorian lounging on Dareth’s bed, scrolling through his phone.  A text from Cullen appears.

_Cullen: do you have any dinner plans?  or does the caf sound good?_

Dorian: yeah sure i can get behind that

Sitting up, Dorian moves to put his shoes on.  “I’m going to dinner with Cullen, so you probably shouldn’t join me,” he says to them. 

“No, I-I I should go,” Jane says with a hiccup.  “There’s no point in avoiding it any longer I need to learn how to be normal around him.”

Dareth gives Jane another squeeze before letting her go and allowing her to wipe the tears from her face.  “We’ll be outside,” he tells her, grabbing Dorian by the hand and moving to the hallway.  Lowering his voice, Dareth says to Dorian, “does Cullen remember?”

Dorian avoids eye contact.  “Even if he does, we don’t need to let Jane know.  We just need to let her be.”

Dareth purses his lips.  “He remembered, didn’t he?”

“We’ll talk about it later,” Dorian says as Jane opens the door.  Her cheeks are still a little blotchy and her eyes still a little red from crying, but, overall, she seems okay.  “Are you ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” she says, one corner of her mouth tugging up in what Dorian and Dareth assume is supposed to be a smile.  “Did you finally ask Cressida if she was able to go to lunch with you tomorrow?” Jane asks Dareth, desperate to change the subject. 

“Oh, yeah, I did!  She said that the caf works for her since teachers here get one free meal a day.”

“Who’s Cressida?” Dorian asks, perplexed.

“Oh, she’s my oldest sister,” Dareth replies.  “She’s a professor of history here.  You’ve heard of Dr. Lavellan, right?”

“I have now,” Dorian says. 

They finish their walk to the cafeteria mostly in silence. 

When they reach it, they see Cullen lounging at a table, flipping through things on his phone.  He notices his friends’ arrival and immediately perks up, waving them over.  Dorian notices that he seems a little tense, but it isn’t surprising, given the situation.  After getting their food, they all sit down and begin to eat mostly in silence that is only briefly punctuated by Dareth and Dorian comparing memes. 

“So, how were classes today?” Dareth asks.  “Mine were just fine, in case anyone was wondering.”

“They were, uh, interesting to say the least,” Jane says.  “Our calculus professor doesn’t seem too bad and the one I had for principles was enthusiastic about biology.”

Cullen nods.  “Yeah, calc doesn’t seem like it’ll be much of an issue, especially with Jane in the class.”

Jane’s face reddens significantly and she stammers out something about needing to get more to drink – even though her cup is still mostly full – before standing up and rushing away from the table.

Dorian turns to Cullen, a disapproving frown on his face.  “Not your best word choice there,” he says. 

“Honestly,” Dareth says.  “Jane’s an easily frightened and skittish girl.  It’s to be expected with her family.”  Dareth pauses.  “Just…be nice to her, okay?” he says, his tone a tad hostile.  “She’s my best friend and if you hurt her again I’m not gonna stand for it.”

Jane returns to the table then, seemingly more composed than previously.  “I think I’m gonna head home,” she tells the boys.  “Josie’s been bombarding me with texts about how classes went, so I should probably go hang out with her for a bit so that I can update her.”  Gathering up her plate and cup, she smiles at the boys and leaves with a, “see you guys tomorrow!”

Not much later, Dorian takes Dareth by the hand and says, “we should get back to what we were doing earlier,” before dragging the other boy away. 

And it leaves Cullen alone at the table once again and also much sooner than he thought.  Sighing, he picks up his dishes and puts them away before trekking back to his dorm room which, unsurprisingly, is also devoid of people.  He lies on his bed for a while, alternating between gazing at his ceiling and his phone.  For some reason – he’s not entirely sure – he pulls up his texts and formulates one to a certain Jane Trevelyan.

_Cullen: hey it’s Cullen and I realized that I never actually sent you a message to give you my number so here it is_

He stares at the screen, waiting for the three little dots to appear, letting him know that she is responding.

He waits longer than he thought he would.

Jane: oh thanks!  it’s totally okay that you forgot no worries

_Cullen: good to know!_

His fingers hover over his keyboard, debating whether or not it is worth anything to type more.

_Cullen: so what’s up with you?_

Jane: not much tbh.  Josie has exhausted all her questions for me so I think I’m gonna get ahead in the reading for my bio class

_Cullen: cool cool_

She doesn’t respond, but he can’t blame her.

Why are they so awkward?

It was just a drunken hook up, right?

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading the first chapter!! I hope y'all like what is out so far. I'm not sure how long it's gonna go on for yet (because it's still in the early stages), but tell me what you think!! also if you have any suggestions for a title please let me know because I am SO bad at titling things lmao
> 
> also: Jane is my female warrior Trevelyan, Dareth is my male mage Lavellan, and Cressida is morgsmorgsmorgsblr's female mage Lavellan.
> 
> if you wanna catch up or have any questions, feel free to hop on over to my tumblr that uses the same username! it's mainly dogs and bioware video games


	2. Chapter 2

The rest of the week passes similarly; Jane and Cullen dance around each other while Dareth and Dorian try desperately to keep conversations and interactions going for everyone’s sake. 

Every day Jane goes to Dareth’s room and stares at the ceiling, unsure about how to go about anything.  She still hasn’t called her parents or any of her siblings, despite them flooding her with texts about how her first week of school has been. 

Cullen mopes around his and Dorian’s room, much to the dismay of his roommate. 

Dareth and Dorian discuss how best to help their friends. 

Eventually, Friday arrives and Jane and Cullen’s calculus professor give them their first worksheet, although “worksheet” is not an apt description.

“What is this man’s definition of a worksheet?” Jane groans, flipping through the six page pile of papers that they have to do for Monday.  “Worksheet means one piece of paper, maybe double-sided.  This is a packet, at the very least.”

“It shouldn’t be too bad,” Cullen says.  “I’m a math major, anyways, so, even if you don’t understand or don’t care about what’s going on, I’ve got it covered.”

Jane sighs.  “Yeah, but we both have to work on it.  If my handwriting isn’t on this packet he’ll know you did it all by yourself.  And, uh, besides, that’s not fair to you.”

“Do you want to come over and work on it after dinner tonight?” Cullen asks.  “I’m sure I can get Dareth and Dorian to be there too so that we have some sort of comic relief.” 

“Yeah, that works,” Jane says, despite the fact that she is terribly nervous about going to Cullen’s room again, albeit for different reasons this time.  “I won’t be there for dinner, though, I made plans with Cressida.”  She sighs.  “Math is cool, I guess, but there are more important things for my major, like biology and chemistry,” she says.  “Because, y’know, biochem.”

“Math is rather important in chemistry,” Cullen comments.  “I’m in gen chem right now, and our professor is super analytical, so I would know.”

Jane snorts.  “I know, but still.  It’s no fun, comparatively.”

“I’m afraid we’ll have to agree to disagree on that one,” Cullen says with a laugh.  “Anyways, let’s get going to the caf.  I’m sure the boys will be there.”

“They always are,” Jane says.

The two of them pack up their bags and head from the still too small and too dim math building to the well-lit and huge cafeteria building.  In the caf they find Dareth and Dorian; the smaller man resting his legs in Dorian’s lap, a wide grin on his face. 

“What’s so funny?” Cullen asks as he and Jane approach the table. 

“Oh, nothing,” Dareth says lightly, removing his legs from Dorian’s and standing.  “Shall we grab some food?  We were waiting for the two of you.”

“You didn’t need to do that,” Jane says, cheeks reddening.

Cullen notes how cute she is when she blushes, brown freckles standing out against her red face. 

But then he immediately pushes that thought to the back of his brain.  No need thinking about things that can’t or won’t happen. 

“Ah, but we did it anyways, you loser,” Dareth says, pulling Jane into a head lock and ruffling her hair.

“Oh, fuck off!” Jane replies, giggling and grinning, while doing her best to worm out of Dareth’s grasp.  “I don’t have to take this.”

“Yeah, but you don’t exactly look like you can get out of it, either,” Dorian quips.

“Mama didn’t raise no bitch,” Jane says, struggling to escape Dareth. 

“While that may be true,” Dareth says, “she sure didn’t raise a strong person either.”

Dareth lets go of Jane as they approach the line, allowing her to retain some semblance of her dignity.  The four of them get their food and return to the table.  Cullen notices how much more relaxed Jane seems around her best friend, and just how nervous she becomes when she remembers that Cullen is still at the table.  Eventually, she leaves for her biology class and it is just the boys at the table.

“She, uh, seems better,” Cullen comments. 

Dareth’s grin leaves his face and is replaced by thin and pursed lips.  “Better is a strong word,” he says.  “I’d say that she’s more along the lines of doing her best to cope.”

Dorian nods in agreement.  “She’s doing better outwardly, but she still lies on the extra bed in Dareth’s room and tells us she just doesn’t know what she’s going to do.”

“Should I… should I tell her?” Cullen asks.

“No!” Dareth and Dorian blurt at the same time.  Regaining his composure and avoiding the stares from fellow students around the caf, Dareth continues, “that would just make her even more embarrassed.  Part of the reason she’s able to keep going is that you don’t remember that it even happened.  Because, to her, that means that it wasn’t a big deal and it didn’t matter.”

“But it did matter,” Cullen mutters under his breath.  “I’m just as embarrassed as she is about this, so why can’t we wallow in our embarrassment together?”

Dareth puts a hand on Cullen’s shoulder.  “Because that’s not what’s best for her at this point,” he says.  “I know that you’re important in this situation too, but you’re doing significantly better than she is because you don’t remember shit other than the fact that you two had sex.  You were able to wake up the next morning, blissfully unaware of what happened.  It bugged her for _days_ before she told me about it.”

Cullen chews his bottom lip thoughtfully.  “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.  So I should just wait?”

Dareth nods.  “Yeah, that’d be best.  Eventually, you can probably tell her, but I’d let her have a little bit longer to process everything.”

“She’s a tad more fragile than you are, Cullen,” Dorian says.  “She hasn’t had as much hardship and so she doesn’t really know how to cope.”

“Okay.” 

With that, the boys finish their food before all heading their separate ways to finish up their classes for the day. 

\--

Jane knocks on the front door of Cressida’s apartment, which is, thankfully, only a few short minutes’ walk from campus.  Dareth’s older sister opens the door, a wide smile on her face at the sight of Jane.  Jane is immediately pulled into a bear hug that is accompanied by, “oh, look!  It’s the little sister that I always wanted!”

“It’s good to see you, too, Cressida,” Jane says with a laugh.  The older girl pulls back and leads Jane into her apartment.

“Solas is out for now,” Cressida says.  “He said he had some meeting or other.”

“That’s fine,” Jane says.  She’d always been a little uncomfortable around Solas anyways.  Jane takes in the apartment around her; Cressida has covered the walls in book posters, an apt decoration considering she teaches multiple fiction classes at the college.  “I like it in here.”

Beaming, Cressida thanks Jane.  “Solas isn’t too fond of the decorations, so I let him hang a couple world maps around so that he feels like he has a say.”  She winks.  Taking Jane by the hand, she leads the younger girl through the apartment, giving her the full tour. 

Finally, they stop in the kitchen, where Cressida has a full pot of bowtie pasta boiling, and a pan filled with what smells deliciously like spinach, bacon, and Alfredo sauce.  The timer for the pasta goes off, so Cressida removes it from the stove and drains all the water out before putting the pot back on the stove and balancing the colander on top of it.  “Ready?” she asks Jane.  “I made yours and Dareth’s favorite, so be sure to bring some leftovers back to him, okay?”

“Of course.”

Cressida pulls a bowl out of the cabinet for each other them and then makes sure that Jane fills it to the brim.  “You’ve been living off caf food for a week, so take advantage of this!  I’m definitely going to try and have both you and Dareth over for weekly dinners.  And maybe I can even convince him to bring that boy of his,” she adds with a smirk that makes her look just like her younger brother.  Cressida pulls a chair out for Jane and the two sit at the small table in the kitchen, the older girl immediately striking up conversation, asking plenty of questions about how Jane’s first week of college had gone.

During their small talk, Cressida notices that Jane seems more tense than usual.  “Everything all right?” she asks, a real concern in her eyes that Jane doesn’t experience with her siblings. 

Jane’s smile fades and she chews on her lip.  “There’s…a guy,” she mumbles. 

"Already?  You’ve only been in school for a week,” Cressida says.

“I know,” Jane groans, holding her face in her hands.  “It’s just…he seems really sweet and nice and I want to get to know him better, but I’m horrible and awkward.”

Cressida laughs, mostly reassured that Jane isn’t too upset.  “That’s understandable, Jane,” she says.  “Boys and people in general, honestly, are confusing.  Human interaction is weird.  Don’t expect it to be perfect the first time; if you have too many ideas and expectations, it’s gonna be a train wreck.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jane says.  “But I think I’ve already ruined things past the point of redemption.”

“How come?”

Jane’s face reddens.  “You can’t tell my family.”

“Scout’s honor.”

“We, uh, had a really hot and messy drunken hook up.  Like, uh, it was bad.  I can only barely remember half of what happened, and, as far as I know, he doesn’t remember a thing.”

Frowning, Cressida nods.  “I see what you mean.”  She sighs.  “I don’t really have any good advice for you, babe.  There are only two real options here: you either shove down your feelings and keep going with your life or you tell him how you feel.  I can’t tell which one to choose, that’s up to you.  Just know that I support you no matter what, and I’m here if you need me.”

A corner of Jane’s mouth tugs up.  “Thanks,” she says.  “It means a lot to hear you say that.”

Cressida stands before pulling Jane out of her chair and into a hug.  “Cheer up, buttercup,” she says with a giggle. “You’re gonna be fine.”  With that, she gives Jane a quick peck on the cheek before shooing her out of the apartment.  “I’m sure you have plenty more to do back at school.  Get out of here.”

“I’m going, I’m going,” Jane says.  “Thanks for having me over Cressida.”  With one more quick hug, and two Tupperware of leftovers in hand, Jane leaves.

\-- 

Jane takes a deep breath before knocking on the door to Dorian and Cullen’s room. 

“Come in!” calls Dareth in a sing-song voice. 

Jane opens the door to see Dorian passed out on his bed, arms wrapped around Dareth’s waist and head in his lap, Dareth carefully reading his textbook (which is resting on Dorian’s nightstand), and Cullen staring at his computer (seemingly deep in thought).  “Am I, uh, disturbing anything?” 

Cullen looks up from his work.  “Jane?  Oh, no you aren’t, don’t worry.  Dorian just didn’t sleep well last night.”  He and Dareth share a look that Jane doesn’t quite understand.

“What do you have there?” Dareth asks, noticing the container in Jane’s hand.

“What do you think it is?” Jane replies, a mischievous glint in her eyes.  “I went to Cressida’s for dinner, so there’s only one thing it can be.”

Dareth’s eyes widen and his mouth waters.  “Pasta?”  Jane nods.  “Oh, if this loser wasn’t wrapped around me I would eat all of that right here right now.  I guess just toss it in the fridge for now.” 

“Want to get to work then?” Jane asks Cullen after putting away the leftovers, dropping her book bag on the floor before sitting down next to it.

“Do you want a chair?” Cullen asks.

Jane looks at the desk chairs in the room; they’re both covered in their owner’s clothing and miscellaneous things.  “I don’t really think there’s room,” she says.

Cullen grimaces.  “Yeah…”  He pauses.  “You can sit on my bed, if you like?”  His suggestion comes out as more of a question. 

Jane peeks at Dareth, who is nodding almost imperceptibly.  “I mean, it’s probably more comfy than the floor,” she says carefully.  With that, she picks up her math textbook and spiral notebook and tosses them onto Cullen’s bed before clambering on it as well.

It is just as comfy as she remembers it being.

With that in mind, Jane stammers out something about being ready to get to work. 

Dorian’s loud snores in the background, the two set to work. 

Thankfully, this week’s packet is just an algebra and pre-calculus review.  Jane and Cullen finish it in about two hours, which is reasonably quick for math.  “That wasn’t too bad,” Jane says as she packs up her bag. 

“You don’t have to go yet,” Cullen says. 

“Yeah,” Dareth chimes in.  “We haven’t really just hung out so far this school year.”

“We spend, like, every day together, you guys.”

"Yeah, but it’s mostly for school reasons.  C’mon, Jane, just relax with us for a bit.”

“We could play some Smash Bros,” Cullen suggests, gesturing to the TV and gaming console that are most definitely Dorian’s.  “He needs to wake up, anyways, so this is the perfect way to make it happen.”

“Get up, sleeping beauty,” Dareth says, unceremoniously shoving Dorian off his lap.

Grumbling something incoherent, Dorian rubs at his eyes.  “What the hell?” 

“We’re having some non-school related friendship bonding time, and that includes you,” Dareth says brightly.  “Now get up and show us how to work your TV.”

Dorian throws himself face down on his bed.  “You press the fucking power button on the fucking remote,” Dorian says. 

“Yikes, seems like someone isn’t a morning person,” Jane teases.

“That’s because it’s not the _fucking_ morning,” Dorian counters, “it’s ten o’clock at night and that’s a perfectly acceptable time to be sleeping.”

“Not on a Friday during college,” Cullen says. 

“He doesn’t seem like he’s going to be much help, so I think I can figure it out,” Dareth says.  “Unlike Jane, I’m not a stranger to these things.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Dorian says.  “I remember when my father had the party at our mansion and all of the kids were left to ourselves.  I invited Jane to play some games with me – she was pretty and back then I wasn’t aware she wasn’t my type – and she had absolutely no idea what was going on.”

“Party at your mansion?” Cullen asks.

“Hm?  Oh, yes.  Jane’s father is in the senate with mine and every year one of the senators throws a party for the all other senators and their families to attend.  Jane and I have been going to the parties for as long as either of us can remember.  We’ve known each other more in passing, however, until recently.”

Jane nods.  “My family held the party a couple of years ago.  Dorian was there and he was absolutely horrified at the fact that my family didn’t have any sort of video games.  All we have are board games.  My parents are convinced that video games rot children’s brains, so there was none of that growing up.  I wasn’t even allowed to play them when I went over to Dareth’s house.”  She pauses.  “I’m the only one it bothered; my older siblings couldn’t really care less.  They had plenty more of snooty rich kid things to do.”  Jane crinkles her nose in disgust.  “I’m glad I don’t really have to talk to them anymore.”

Cullen had always thought it had been a joke, that all rich people knew each other, but now he isn’t so sure, and he voices his opinion.

“Well, that’s only partly true.  Jane and Dorian know each other through their fathers, but Dorian and I didn’t know each other until we came to college,” Dareth answers.  “I’m not on the same level as them, but I can say that I do come from a family of money.  It helped when my mother left.”

“Well, I don’t think I’ve ever had money in my life,” Cullen says.  “I do, however, have a full ride to this school, so that’s something.”

“Enough with this,” Dorian says before anyone else can open their mouths.  “This conversation is not what I was woken up for, so we’re done with it.”  He finishes setting up the TV and game.  “Now let’s get to playing so that I can kick all of your asses in payment for waking me up.”

“You’re on,” Dareth says with a grin.

“Can we just go easy on me?” Jane asks.

“In your dreams,” Cullen says.

After about three hours filled with many wins and losses – more losses than Jane would like to admit – Jane rubs at her eyes and lets out a soft yawn.  “I think it’s time for me to get going,” she says, stifling another yawn.  “It’s not like I have to get up in the morning, I’m  just really fucking tired.”

“Want me to walk you home?” Dareth offers.

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

After Jane stands, Dorian pulls her into a bear hug.  “It’s good to see you loosening up, Trevelyan,” he says. 

“Thanks, Pavus,” she says in reply, her voice seriously muffled by Dorian’s body. 

Jane and Cullen make awkward eye contact for a second too long before he holds out his arms and she returns his hug. 

His arms are strong and warm and _God_ does she wish for them to never let her go.

But, alas, the hug does not last more than a couple seconds and it takes all of Jane’s self-control to not yank Cullen close and order him to hug her forever.

“Bye, guys,” she says, waving as Dareth closes the door behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for tuning in to chapter 2! so it's the start of finals and then I graduate in like a week (eep!!) so I'm not sure how much, if any, I'll be able to work on chapter 3 in the next week D: but once summer starts up I'll have plenty of free time so no worries there. once again, feel free to jump over to my tumblr that has the same username!


	3. Chapter 3

“Well, that could have gone a whole hell of a lot worse,” Jane says as she and Dareth walk back to her dorm.  Her face burns as she remembers the feel of Cullen’s arms around her.

Dareth nods.  “Considering how awkward this week has been, I’m super proud of how not awkward you were back there.  Mostly, anyways,” he adds with a laugh.  “You only stammered, like, six times, as opposed to your usual twenty.”

Giving him a playful shove, Jane grins up at her best friend.  “Yeah, I guess I did, didn’t I?”  She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly through her nose.  “I feel a little bit better,” she says.  “I think I’m just gonna focus on getting to know him better, y’know?  Like, I’d like to be his friend first, before I even _think_ about asking for more.  That’s how this is supposed to work anyways, right?”  She sighs.  "Dating before this still hasnt prepared me very well.  I’m just not good at dealing with people.”

“It’s not your fault that your siblings literally tried to control every relationship you ever had. They’re a load of assholes, anyways,” Dareth says firmly.  “Have they still been bugging you?”

“Yeah, I’ve been getting at least a text a day from each of them.  They’re all something along the lines of ‘oh Jane!  How are you doing?  Be sure to give me a call when you can!’  Mom’s the only one who hasn’t _really_ been bothering me, but that’s not surprising.  I know she’s been on call all week at the hospital, so she hasn’t had that much free time.  Natalie’s been especially bad,” she adds.  “Some bullshit about both of us being girls, so I can always go to her with everything if I need to.”  Jane scoffs.  “Like that was ever true before now.”

“That’s what you’ve got me and Cressida for,” Dareth says.

“You’ve got that right,” Jane replies.  “Besides, now that you have a boyfriend, maybe you can give me some pointers.”  She winks.

Dareth lets out a nervous chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck and blushing, speechless for once.  “Yeah, I-I guess I can.” 

By this point, Dareth and Jane have arrived at the door to her dorm room.  “Well, it looks like I’d best be getting back to the other boys.  Dorian whines too much if I’m not there to snuggle when he’s ready to go to bed.”

“I get that,” Jane says with a laugh.  She gives Dareth a hug.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Of course.”

Jane opens the door to her and Josie’s room to find the other girl curled up under her covers, intently reading the book in her hand.  Looking up, Josephine’s face brightens when she sees her roommate.  “Jane!”  Josie sits up and tosses her book on her nightstand.  “What have you been up to?” she asks, her Antivan accent thicker than usual, probably due to how sleepy she is.

“Just playing some video games with Dareth and some of his friends,” she says.  “It was fun, but I am seriously not good at them.”

“That’s okay,” Josie replies with a laugh.  “But you were out rather late.”

“It’s only a quarter to one,” Jane says, slightly defensive.  “It’s a Friday, so I’m not too worried about it.”

“I suppose that makes sense,” Josie says.  “Well, I don’t know about you, but I’m gonna go to bed.  Goodnight, Jane.”  And with that, Josie turns off her lamp, snuggles herself back under her covers, and goes to sleep.

Jane, on the other hand, remains awake for some time after crawling under her sheets.  Her mind is too busy replaying everything that happened that night.  It really hadn’t gone too terribly.  She had been able to really, actually relax and be herself for probably the first time this week. 

It had been nice, she realizes. 

\--

The weekend passes similarly – Jane and Josie do their homework from the comfort of their room.  The rain from the beginning of the week returns, so Jane chooses to instead spend her time with her roommate as opposed to Dareth, Dorian, and Cullen.  The girls mostly lie curled up under their covers, watching silly movies on TV, waiting for the weekend to end.

Which, unfortunately, it eventually does.

Classes start up again.  Jane suffers through more calculus, principles of biology, general chemistry, intro to Fereldan literature, labs, and general psychology (her least favorite class).  She also finds herself spending more and more time in Cullen and Dorian’s room and less with just Dareth in his room – it also helps that Dorian has continually requested that Dareth be over all the time, and it’s not like Jane can just sit in Dareth’s room by herself.  Each Friday night is the same; she and Cullen finish their math packet and then play video games with Dareth and Dorian.

It is not a bad way to spend her time. 

Eventually, and, regrettably for Jane, it comes time for their first school break.  Dareth is going home with Dorian – the boys are going on a skiing trip in the Frostbacks with Dorian’s family.  Cressida offers her apartment to Jane so that she would have a place to go since the younger girl most definitely does not want to go home.  Jane politely turns down her proposal, not really wanting to spend a long week with Solas either.

The day of Dareth and Dorian’s departure comes and Jane finds herself sitting on Cullen’s bed, watching Dareth pick out Dorian’s clothes.  The black-haired boy is lying on his bed, doling out instructions to Dareth on what to pack.  The blonde boy is taking the shirts and pants Dorian requests and throwing them on top of him, slowly burying Dorian.  “At least I’ll die surrounded by luxury,” Dorian says.  “It’ll be a good death.”

“I’m not packing your suitcase for you, Dorian,” Dareth says firmly.  “You snap at me when I fold your laundry, so why on earth would I pack your clothes away?”

“I guess that makes sense,” Dorian grumbles before carefully pushing his clothes off himself and beginning to fold them in just the right way. 

On the other side of the room, Cullen is also preparing to leave for home.  However, he is not nearly as enthused for the trip, nor is he as cautious with how he shoves his clothes into a duffle.  In fact, he almost seems incredibly sullen as he throws clothes out of his dresser and into his bag. 

“So, are you going home for break, Jane?” Cullen asks.  “You’ve been over here all day so I’m guessing you haven’t packed yet?”

Jane pales.  She’d been avoiding the boys’ questions about her break plans.  “I, uh…no,” she finally says quietly, deciding that there’s no point in lying to them.  “It’s not really worth it.  I don’t want to get constant lectures from my siblings or my parents, so I’m just gonna stay here.”

Cullen immediately perks up.  “By yourself?  For a week?”  She nods.  “There’s no way.”

“Didn’t Cressida invite you to stay?” Dareth asks, confusion all over his face.  “Why didn’t you take her up on that?”

“Well, because I would have had to hang out with Solas, too, and, no offense to you or your sister, I just feel like he’s constantly judging me and I don’t want to deal with that.”

Dorian lets out a huff.  “If I had known about this I would have asked my dad to let you go skiing with us.  He knows your family well enough that I’m sure he wouldn’t have said no.”

“Guys, really, it’s okay, I promise.  I don’t mind,” Jane tells them, crossing her arms defensively.  “It’s not the first time that I’ll have been alone, so who cares anyways?”

“I do!” Dareth snaps angrily.  “I’m not letting my best friend wallow in her bedroom alone.  Did you ask Josie what she was doing?”

“She left yesterday because her classes were canceled for today,” Jane says.

“Not a good excuse,” replies Dareth.

The two continue bickering for a bit before Cullen interrupts.  “I, uh, know it’s kind of short notice and also kind of weird because we don’t know each other super well, but would you like to come home with me?”  He doesn’t really hear himself ask Jane, but is instead in a state of shock as the words come out of his mouth.  “I mean, if you want to.  You seriously don’t have to, it’s just an offer,” he adds quickly, his cheeks turning a light shade of pink. 

The color of Jane’s face matches Cullen’s.  Her eyes dart to Dareth, who is beaming and nodding his head enthusiastically.  Dorian, who is standing next to his boyfriend, is just smirking.  “I, uh, sure,” she squeaks out.  “I mean, yeah, thanks for the invite.”  She pauses, composing herself.  “When you’re done here can we run to my room so I can pack some stuff?  I mean, I don’t mind wearing boy clothes because they’re comfy, but I’d at least like some of my own underwear, y’know?” she adds with a grin.

“Yeah, of course,” Cullen says, a soft smile forming on his lips, pulling gently at the scar on his upper lip. 

This girl is dangerous.

The boys finish packing, each wishing the others a wonderful break and giving each other the stereotypical dude hug where they pat each other on the back that Jane simply can’t grasp the purpose of.  Dorian grabs Jane with one arm and pulls her close before letting go.  Dareth, on the other hand, wraps both of his arms around Jane and embraces her warmly, which she gladly and easily returns.  “Have fun,” he whispers in her ear.  “I know it’s gonna be a little intimidating, but you’re gonna have a great time.  Take deep breaths and text me if you need anything.”

“You got it.”

Dareth pulls back and smiles at his best friend.  With a swift kiss to the cheek and a pat on her head, Dareth grabs Dorian’s hand and waves to Cullen and Jane with his other before putting the strap to his bag over his shoulder.  “See you guys in a week!” he says, obviously excited for his trip with Dorian.

“So, you, uh, ready?” Cullen asks Jane after the other two boys leave.  “It’s only about an hour to my house from here, so you can take your time packing.”

“What all should I bring?” Her question hangs in the air as the pair turns and walks down the stairs out of Cullen and Dorian’s all-boys dorm towards Jane’s all-girls dorm, which is, thankfully, not too far away.

“Nothing fancy,” he replies.  “It’s just my house.”  He lets out a little laugh.  “My siblings and my mom won’t care what you’re wearing.  But be prepared for lots of questions and lots of food.”

“Oh, that’ll be a breeze,” Jane says.  “I’ve been going to big parties and dealing with strangers asking me questions my entire life.”

“Hm, yeah, I guess that’s true,” Cullen says, feeling slightly out of place.

Finally, they reach Jane’s dorm.  She and Cullen run in and she neatly – but speedily – packs her clothes in a duffle before throwing it over her shoulder and grabbing her pillow and stuffed Mabari off her bed.  Cullen raises an eyebrow at the toy, causing Jane to flush.  “I’ve had it for a while; my grandmother gave it to me,” she mumbles.  “Always slept with it, so why stop if I don’t need to?”

“Legit,” Cullen says, smirking. 

They walk back to Cullen’s dorm and clamber into his car, haphazardly tossing their bags into the backseat.  Cullen rolls down the windows after he starts the car and the two begin the short, but not too short, drive to his house. 

“So, what’s your family like?” Jane asks about five minutes into the drive.  She watches Cullen’s profile; his eyebrows knit together and his lips purse.  “Everything okay?”

“What?  Oh, yeah, I’m fine.”  Cullen sighs.  “My family is nice and all,” he begins slowly, obviously choosing his words carefully.  “I’ve got an older sister named Mia, but she doesn’t live at home and I doubt you’ll meet her.  Then it’s me, followed by my younger brother Branson, we call him Bran, and then my younger sister Rosalie.”

“I have three siblings, too,” Jane comments.  “Two older brothers and an older sister.  Do you guys get along well?”

Cullen nods.  “Yeah, we do.  Mia’s twenty-three and worries too much about all of us, but we know she means well.  Bran’s a shy and quiet kid, but Rosalie is rambunctious.  Bran turns seventeen this year and Rosalie turns fifteen.  It’s quite interesting at home, to say the least.”

“Do you all look alike?”

“Sort of?  We’re all obviously related because we have similar features like our noses or eyes, but we don’t look identical.  We’ve all got hair about the same shade as mine, but Rose and Bran have green eyes, and Mia is jealous that hers don’t seem as warm as mine do even though they’re the same color.”  He laughs and it is a little, light noise that makes Jane’s heart beat just a tad faster than usual.  “What about you and your siblings?”

“Daniel, the oldest, and Jonathan – he’s the one right before me – are basically spitting images of our mother, but Jonny has the same eyes as me, which are our dad’s.  Natalie is a good mix of our parents, and everyone likes to tell me that I look just like our dad.  We all look related enough, so I guess there’s that.” 

“Any other questions?”

Jane chews her lip, thinking.  “You mentioned only your mom earlier – is your dad out on a business trip or something?”

At this, Cullen noticeably slouches in the driver’s seat, a frown forming on his lips.  “You could say that,” he grumbles. 

“Oh, uh, gosh, I’m, um, geeze, uh, I’m sorry,” Jane blurts, stumbling over her words.  “I didn’t mean to hit a nerve.”

“No, no it’s cool,” Cullen replies, but he is intently focused on the road and is avoiding looking at Jane.  “It’s just, uh, not something that you’re really gonna want to bring up.  My dad left a few years ago.  We don’t really talk about it.”

Jane’s eyes widen.  “Oh, I’m sorry,” she says lamely, knowing that it isn’t a proper response.  “I’ll be sure not to mention it.”

“Thanks.”  Cullen’s voice is tight and Jane is desperately searching her brain for some way to change the subject.

“Do you have any pets?” she asks.

“Rose has a bird,” he says.  “Bran and I have a Mabari that’s a couple years old.  Her name is Ellie.”

"That’s a good name for a hound,” Jane comments.  “My siblings and I all have our own Mabari.  Mine is named Ginger and I’ve had her for a while.  She’s got dark brown fur with black markings.”

“Ellie’s a light brown, with reddish markings.  She’s still pretty young, so if she jumps on you don’t freak out.”

“I’m not that skittish, Cullen,” Jane says with a chuckle.  “My mother was a little more lax with me than she was with my other siblings.  I didn’t have as, um, harsh an upbringing as the other three.  She actually let me play in the dirt as opposed to just looking at it.”

Cullen laughs.  “I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not.”

“Me neither,” Jane replies, but her answer has a sad undertone that Cullen doesn’t miss.

“What do you mean?” he asks.

Jane shrugs.  “Maybe if my mom had been as strict with me as she was with my siblings we’d actually get along.  It’s not that big a deal, though.  I’ve got Dareth and Cressida and their little sister Birora.  They’re better than my siblings could probably ever be, but I guess that’s not completely any of their faults.”  She sighs.  “How close are we to your house?” Jane asks, taking the opportunity to look out her window at the country surrounding them – there were mountains in the distance, framed by all of the trees on the side of the road.  “It seems like we’re further out than I’m used to.”

“We don’t technically live on a farm,” Cullen begins, “but we do own some land.  My mom’s got a couple of cows and chickens, along with Ellie.”

“Sounds quaint,” Jane says.  “I’ve never been to a farm before.”

“I just said it wasn’t a farm,” Cullen reminds her.

"I know, but it’s closer to one than my house will ever be.”

Cullen nods, but doesn’t press Jane any further.  “We’re still about twenty or so minutes out,” he says, answering her original question.  “We’re gonna be on backroads for a little bit longer and then we have to get on an actual dirt road to get to my house.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been on a dirt road, either,” Jane comments.

“Maybe one day I can go to your house and you can watch me gawk in amazement at everything there I’ve never seen or done,” Cullen jokes.

“Yeah, maybe,” Jane says with a small smile. 

They finish their trip in a comfortable silence, Cullen doing his best to ensure that his car doesn’t jerk around too much once they reach the dirt road that leads to his house.  He pulls his little sedan up underneath the carport, parking it next to a truck that has seen better days and a station wagon.  “Bran and Rose share the wagon,” he tells Jane.  “It’s what they take to school.”

“Cute.”

“I guess,” Cullen replies as he takes his and Jane’s bags out of the car.  “I’ve got it,” he tells her as she reaches for her own.  “It’s really not that heavy.”

“If you’re sure,” she says.

“I am,” he says with a laugh. 

And with that, the two of them walk from Cullen’s car to the back door of his house, which probably used to be a bright yellow, but has faded over the years.  Unceremoniously, Cullen shoves the door open with his foot and hollers out an, “I’m home and I brought a friend with me!”

Jane takes a deep breath and follows him through the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for sticking around guys! I'm all graduated from college and stuff so hopefully updates might be more often? I have to go through all of my stuff tho and get to work on finding a job and interacting with people because I'm an Adult™ now or something
> 
> anyways, I hope you like this chapter and, as always, feel free to hmu at annalyia.tumblr.com


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes hello the fluff you have all been waiting for is sort of in this chapter

From what she can see so far, the house is small and quaint, yet somehow perfect for Cullen.  The living room they’re currently in has shelves attached to one wall that are filled with books and what appears to be every National Geographic magazine ever.  There’s a long couch on one wall, with a TV hanging opposite it.  A love seat is angled in one corner and two arm chairs are underneath the shelves.  There are two doorways, other than the one Jane and Cullen are standing in; both lead to hallways, although one appears to end in a kitchen and dining area and the other the family’s bedrooms. 

Jane hears the heavy thumping of paws running across the floor and is soon greeted by a large light brown ball of fluff.  Ellie lets out a woof, tongue hanging out of her mouth and stump tail wagging as much as it can.  She directs her next bark at Cullen, turning and tackling him to the floor, smothering his face in dog kisses. 

“Yes, yes, it’s good to see you too, Ellie,” he says, laughing and doing his best to gently push his dog off himself.  The Mabari barks some more before turning to Jane and sniffing the girl inquisitively.  After a thorough search, the hound declares Jane to be acceptable with a short yip, and begins to lick Jane’s legs as a sign of approval.  “Oh, don’t do that, Ellie!” Cullen says, shooing his dog away.  “Shorts aren’t always the best idea around her,” he tells Jane sheepishly.  “She really likes legs.”

“It’s fine, Cullen,” Jane says, laughing.  “I really don’t mind.”

A door opens and closes across the house and an older female voice calls out, “Cullen?  Is that you?  And what is this about a friend?”  A woman in her late thirties or so – if Jane had to guess – appears in the doorway to the hall.  There is a dish towel on her shoulder and she has the same sandy blonde hair as Cullen, but her eyes are an ocean blue and her nose is not nearly as straight.  She does, however, have the same warm smile as he does.  “I’m Martha,” she says, turning her smile towards Jane.  “Cullen didn’t tell me he was bringing a friend home,” she comments, with a knowing look towards her son that causes him to flush ever so slightly. 

“It was a, uh, last minute sort of thing, Mom,” he tells her before crossing the room and giving his mother a hug and a quick press of his lips to her cheek.  “This is Jane,” he says, turning back to the girl who is just sort of standing awkwardly in the doorway, a hand resting on Ellie’s head.  “She and I have some classes together, and her best friend is dating my roommate.”

“What’s her name?”

“Uh, his name is Dareth, ma’am,” Jane answers awkwardly but politely.

“Oh, excuse me, dear,” Martha says.  “Didn’t mean to insult anybody.”

“No worries, Mom,” Cullen says.  “I kind of forgot to tell you, anyways.”  Gesturing to Jane he says, “follow me.  I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.”

“You’d better have cleaned your room, young man,” his mother calls down the hallway behind him.  “I know that the only extra bed in this house is in there.”

“Your mom is okay with me staying in the same room as you?” Jane asks, completely flabbergasted.  If she had brought a boy over, he would have probably been forced by her family to stay on another floor and in another wing of their house. 

“Yeah,” Cullen says with a shrug.  “She trusts me.”

“I wonder what that’s like,” Jane murmurs, mostly to herself. 

“Don’t read too much into it, though.  It’s not like she really has a choice.  I think my mom would rather die than have a guest sleep out in the living room on the couches.  That’s where Ellie sleeps.”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

They reach a door at this point – it’s absolutely covered in hand-drawn art that has faded over the passing of time.  “Nice,” Jane comments as Cullen opens the door.  “Good to see that you’re still proud of all that.”

“Thanks,” Cullen replies sarcastically.

“No, I mean it,” Jane says, blushing.  “I wish my door looked like this.”

“Well, here’s where you’re going to be staying,” Cullen says, motioning to the twin bed where he placed her bag.  It’s on the opposite side of the room from the bed where his bag is.  The sheets are white with yellow stripes and the ones on his bed are white with blue stripes.  “I know it, uh, it’s not that big but it’s what we got.  I would offer to let Bran sleep in here with me and you could have his bed, but I’m not sure when he last washed his sheets and I’m not putting you through that,” Cullen says with a nervous chuckle.  “I hope it’s enough.”

“It’s perfect, Cullen, I promise,” Jane says, laying a reassuring hand on his arm.  She plops down on the bed and says, “it’s comfortable, that’s for sure.”

“I’m glad you think so.”

“So, what now?” Jane asks, staring up at Cullen with her wide, green eyes that make his heart melt just a little every time he sees them.  “Do you have anything you want to show me?  Do I get a tour of the house and the property?”

"Sure, if you don’t mind,” Cullen says.

“I just asked,” Jane says.  “Of course I don’t mind.”

With that, Cullen leads Jane out of the room and back into the hallway.  “That’s my mom’s room,” he says, pointing to the door at the end of the hall.  “The two across from us here and Bran and Rose’s rooms.  Mom has her own bathroom, but Bran, Rose, and I all share the one at the other end of the hall, here.”  Cullen opens the door to the little bathroom – the walls are a mint green and there is white subway tile in the shower and on the floors.  The vanity is a dark wood.  “It’s not that big, so I’m sure that Bran and Rose are enjoying it more now that I’m gone.”  The reenter the living room they had been in earlier.  From there, Cullen leads Jane into the dining room and kitchen area.  The kitchen itself is rather big for a house this size; there are counters and cabinets lining the three walls and an island in the middle.  “This is one of the last things my dad did for my mom,” Cullen says.  “He redid the kitchen exactly how she liked it.”  With a sigh, he adds, “he really wasn’t that bad of a guy when he wasn’t drunk off his ass.”

Jane doesn’t comment, unsure of how to respond.

The kitchen has a door that leads to the backyard and the rest of Cullen’s family’s property.  Jane notices something that looks suspiciously like a barn.  “Earlier, you told me that you didn’t live on a farm.  But, that’s definitely a barn,” she says, pointing to the building.  “And only farms have barns.”

Cullen groans.  “That’s where the cows stay at night, okay?  I guess, sure, it technically counts as a barn.”

Jane grins, triumphant.  “Where do the chickens stay?”

“There’s a chicken coop on the other side,” Cullen says.  “Here, I’ll show you.”  He takes her around the barn and the coop – Jane greets the chickens warmly, but Cullen just glares at them (“they’re mean little birds”) – before showing her just a bit more of the land.  There’s a creek that runs behind the house, opposite the barn and the coop.  Closer to the house is a lovely garden, with all sorts of vegetables growing in it.  “There’s not much here, other than what’s close to the house,” he says, finishing the tour.  “We can go out and explore a little more tomorrow.  Mom’s probably close to being done with dinner, and Bran and Rose have to be home by now and I know they’ll want to meet you.”

The pair returns to the house, chatting amicably about anything and everything.  When they reach the door they are not only greeted by Ellie, but by two teenagers, one of whom has what could only be described as a shit-eating grin on her face and the other a scowl. 

“I _told_ you he brought a girl home,” Rosalie tells her older brother, Bran, haughtily.  “Mom wouldn’t have been _nearly_ as excited if it had been a boy.  Those can’t give her grandchildren,” she says as she skips away, her curly blonde hair bouncing in its ponytail. 

Bran, still scowling, glares up at Cullen.  “I owe her ten bucks, now,” he grumbles.  “It’s nice to meet you, though,” he says to Jane.  “I’m Branson, but everyone here just calls me Bran.  That was Rose,” he adds, jerking his head back at his younger sister. 

“Cullen’s told me a lot about you guys,” Jane says.  “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

Bran gives Jane a once over.  “She’s cute,” is all he says to Cullen before turning on his heel and walking away.

“I’m so sorry,” Cullen tells Jane.  He notices that her face is about as red as his feels.  “They’re normally better behaved than this.”

Jane nods mutely, too utterly embarrassed to reply.

Well, this is already going great.

“Do you want to go and lie down for a bit before dinner?” he asks.

“That’d be nice,” she says quietly. 

“I’ll make sure you get there without anymore, uh, interruptions,” he says.  Cullen stares pointedly at his younger siblings as he takes Jane back through the house to his – _their_ – room.  “I’m gonna go help my mom, but don’t hesitate to let me know if you need anything.”

“You got it.”

Jane pulls out her phone and types up a quick message to Dareth, hoping he has his phone anywhere near him.

 

_Jane: I swear to the Maker Dareth this is so stressful already_

 

It doesn’t take long for Dareth to respond with a worried “what happened?” text.  Letting out a quiet sigh, Jane replies.

 

_Jane: well his mom is nice so there’s that but she’s also completely okay with me just sleeping in the extra bed in his room like it’s no big deal.  his siblings were sweet and all but the boy basically said that I was cute before just walking away and the girl said to my face that Cullen’s mom wouldn’t have been so excited if he had brought a boy home because boys couldn’t give her grandchildren_

Dareth: yikes

Dareth: I see what you mean there

Dareth: you can do it tho Janie I believe in you.  You’re a smart girl and you’ve dealt with overbearing people asking you questions a hundred million times before

Dareth: don’t stress.  I love you and I know you can do this

Dareth: now get back out there champ!

 

Jane smiles at Dareth’s words; he really does always know exactly what to say to make her feel better.  She stays in her bed for just a few more minutes to compose herself.  She doesn’t want to return to the living room with Cullen and his family just to have to run away again in embarrassment.  Jane frowns, wondering why she’s having so much trouble with Cullen’s family.  Normally, she is able to smile and charm her way through any and every interaction, never breaking a sweat. 

Why is this experience so different? 

Pushing all those thoughts aside, Jane takes a deep breath as she gets out of bed and leaves Cullen’s room.  She enters the living room to see Rosalie curled up asleep in one of the arm chairs, and Bran and Cullen watching the evening news on the TV.  Bran is sprawled out on the loveseat, so Jane delicately sits down near – but not right next to – Cullen on the couch.  The news is currently giving an overview of what the Thedas Congress covered in the day’s session.  Jane blanches as she sees her father’s face and name on the screen, speaking cordially to the reporter. 

“Is that—” Cullen begins.

“My dad?” Jane finishes his sentence.  “Yeah.”

“Wait, _that’s_ your dad?” Bran interrupts, completely incredulous.  “Your dad is one of the senators for all of Thedas?”

“Yep,” Jane says tensely.

“The Trevelyan name sure does give you a lot to live up to, doesn’t it?” Cullen’s mother asks from the doorway to the kitchen – no one had noticed her enter. 

“Yeah,” Jane says again, much quieter this time.  “But, luckily for him and my mom, they’ve got three kids other than me who all do a grand job of filling those shoes.”

“I’m sure you do a fantastic job yourself,” Martha says as she returns to the kitchen. 

Without really realizing it, Cullen reaches for Jane’s hand before taking it in his own, gives it a gentle squeeze, and releases it.  Her eyes meet his and he gives her a very small yet encouraging smile.  Slowly, Jane slips her hand by Cullen’s again, and just sort of loosely grabs a couple of his fingers with her own.  They’re not really holding hands, but it’s just enough comfort for her, just enough to ground her.

Cullen feels the tips of his ears burn at the sensation of Jane’s skin against his own, no matter how simple the contact is.  He also sees Bran flash him a smirk.  The three of them continue to lounge in the living room (Rosalie continues to snore softly in the armchair) and watch the news and the weather – which predicts thunderstorms for the night – before Martha calls them all into the dining room for dinner.

“I got her,” Bran says to Cullen in regard to their sleeping sister.  “Hey, Rose, get up,” he says as he abruptly shoves her out of the chair and onto the floor with a loud thump.  “Mom said dinner’s ready,” is his reply to her indignant shriek. 

The three Rutherford children help their mom carry dinner from the kitchen to the dining room table.  “Normally, she just makes us fix our plates and carry them to the table,” Cullen whispers to Jane once as he passes her.  “I guess she’s just excited to have company.”

Jane smiles before sitting at the table – Martha insisted Jane didn’t need to help.

The food smells delicious.  Martha has cooked up some grilled chicken, and paired it with mashed potatoes (that appear to be homemade) and a salad with greens and other vegetables that are probably from the family’s garden.  Cullen brings plates and silverware from the kitchen, carefully setting the table for his family and Jane.  After everyone is seated, a quick grace is said – Jane didn’t peg Cullen as the religious type – and they serve themselves the food, passing the plates and bowls around, making sure everyone else has enough to eat before getting their own food.  Once they’ve all tasted what is on their plates, Martha begins asking Jane simple questions, about her family, friends, other mundane things.

“So, you’re from further up north?”

“Yes ma’am,” Jane replies.  “My family has an estate up in Ostwick, which is in the Free Marches.  I’m a long way from home, but I do like it down here in the south.”

“A whole estate?” Martha asks.  “I suppose that does make sense, what with your father being a senator and all.”  Jane nods.  “How about your siblings?”

“There are four of us – Daniel is the oldest, followed by Natalie, then Jonathan, and then me.  Daniel’s six years older than I am, Natalie is four, and Jonny is two.  We’re very evenly spread out.”

“And what do they do?”

“Jonny is still in college like I am.  Daniel is married and has a little girl, and Natalie is engaged.  Daniel actually just finished up vet school not too long ago and has opened his own practice back home.  He treats just about any animal, so he’s in high demand.”

“Being a vet must be a lot of fun,” says Rosalie.  “I love animals, so I’m super jealous.”

Martha smiles at her youngest child before saying to Jane, “and what of your mother?  We know your dad is a senator, but what does she do?”

“My mom is a surgeon,” Jane says.  “She works at the biggest hospital back in Ostwick.  She can do just about any surgery, but she specializes in transplants.  She normally at least assists the other surgeons, so she’s at the hospital a lot.”

“Goodness that must be a lot for her.  How often is she home?”

“Um, often enough, I’d say,” Jane answers.  “She is on call pretty regularly so it’s not unusual for us to not see her very long every day, but she does her best.  The few off weekends she has are nice because we’re able to spend a lot of time together.”

The rest of the meal passes in relative silence, with a little small talk.  When everyone is finished Martha orders them to take their plates to the kitchen and go off to enjoy themselves.  “I can easily handle a few dishes,” she says to Jane, a kind twinkle in her eye. 

Bran and Rose retire to their rooms, tossing out something about having to do their homework.  Once she’s finished cleaning up from dinner, Martha excuses herself to the outdoors to ensure the cattle and chickens are locked up for the night.  She denies Cullen and Jane’s offer to help, insisting that she can take care of herself.

So, that leaves Cullen and Jane to themselves.

“Anything in particular you want to do or see?” Cullen asks.

“Not really,” Jane replies.  “I’d honestly be okay with lying down and working on homework until it’s time to go to bed.”

“Sounds good to me.”

And so they do.  Jane lies in her bed, doing her reading and problems for chemistry and then making notecards for her biology class.  Cullen lays in his bed – on the opposite side of the room, a fact that they are both acutely aware of – and lazily attempts a few chemistry problems of his own.  It goes about as well as he assumed it would; that is to say, not very well.  He just can’t seem to focus on his homework, his attention too attuned to the girl sitting in the bed just across the room from him, chewing on her mechanical pencil, eyebrows scrunched together as she tries to solve a problem. 

“Need any help?” he asks.

“No, not really,” she says without looking up.  “I’ve got this.”

They sit in silence for a while longer.

Eventually, Cullen hears the _tap, tap, tap_ of rain hitting the roof.  “Sounds like that storm has finally made its way over to us,” he says, hoping to spark conversation.

Instead of actually responding, Jane just digs through her bag and fishes out a pair of earbuds, which she quickly plugs into her phone.  Cullen raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment, choosing to browse through news articles on his phone instead.

After a bit, Cullen tells Jane that he’s going to bed.  She doesn’t answer.  In fact, he doesn’t even think she heard him.  He shrugs it off and gets ready for bed.

He falls asleep quickly.

At first, he thinks he’s dreaming; soft gasps and a couple hiccups.  A sniffle. 

Someone is crying. 

Sitting up, Cullen turns on the lamp that sits on the dresser next to his bed.  He turns to the extra bed in his room – that he forgot was occupied until now – and sees Jane, a few tears rolling down her cheeks, hand over her mouth to quiet her crying. 

That wakes him up. 

“Jane?” he asks groggily, voice still thick with sleep, despite the situation.  “Jane are you all right?”

She glances over at him, eyes red, and slowly shakes her head.

He motions for her to come over, and she does, crawling out from under her sheets and over to his bed. 

A huge clap of thunder echoes in the room and Jane jumps.

“Jane, what’s wrong?” Cullen asks as he scoots over, making room on his bed.

“I-I d-d-d-don’t like st-storms,” she stutters out, words marred by her tears. 

Without hesitation, Cullen opens his arms and Jane brings herself close to him.

Her tears dampen his shirt.

“Has it always been like this?”

She nods.  “Daniel u-used to let m-me snuggle with h-him,” she says.  Taking a deep breath, she does her best to quiet her cries before speaking again.  “The first time I got scared, I-I tried going to Natalie, but she just dismissed me and-and said that I was stupid for being afraid of st-storms.”  She hiccups, and a few more tears fall.  “Daniel heard me cr-crying from his room and came to check on me.  From then on, he-he always made sure someone was with me when it stormed.”  She smiles fondly at the memory.  “S-sorry for crying and waking you up,” she mumbles, embarrassed.

Giving her a squeeze – and bringing her closer in the process – Cullen says, “don’t worry about it, Jane.  I’d rather you have someone with you than you be crying alone in your bed.”

“Thanks,” she murmurs, voice almost inaudible.

They stay there like that for a while, Jane wrapped up in Cullen’s arms.  The storm rages on outside, the wind howling, the rain pouring, and the thunder and lightning crashing and booming.  Eventually – Cullen isn’t sure when – Jane’s breathing evens out and she falls asleep, curled up against Cullen. 

He hopes his racing heartbeat doesn’t wake her up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, thanks for reading!! don't be afraid to comment or kudos, as those are always appreciated :) I think I'm gonna try to keep up an "update sometime on the weekend" schedule, with a new chapter coming out either Friday, Saturday, or Sunday. knowing my luck if I pick one of those day it will never actually happen on that day. 
> 
> anyways, I hope y'all liked this chapter!! I sure did tbh haha the trope of being afraid of storms and having to cuddle is like one of my faves I'm the worst


	5. Chapter 5

The first thing Jane notices when she wakes up is that she is wrapped in someone’s strong arms.  Subconsciously, she nestles closer to the person, their muscular chest acting as a wonderful pillow.

Wait.

Jane opens one eye, taking a peek at the world around her.  Glancing up, she steadies her breathing and does her best not to freak out and throw herself off the bed.

Cullen.

It’s Cullen who is holding her so snug, so near. 

Slowly but surely the previous night’s events return to her – raging storms, crying that was just a bit too loud, a warm body and comforting presence lulling her to sleep. 

She calms her nerves, slowly taking in each breath and letting it out.  She doesn’t want to wake up Cullen, unsure of when he was able to fall asleep after he heard her crying.  Instead, Jane focuses on the world around her.  She notices how even Cullen’s breathing is, in and out, tickling the top of her head.  He twitches in his sleep a little, pulling Jane closer in the process.  He’s so calm when he’s asleep; whenever he is awake, Cullen is tense, shoulders and back straight, never truly at ease, no matter the situation he’s in.  Jane realizes it is nice to see him like this, even if it is a tad taboo. 

Taking complete and total advantage of the situation, Jane snuggles up against Cullen, making herself a bit more comfortable than she was before.  Then she closes her eyes, willing sleep to take her again.            

There is something on his chest, Cullen recognizes as he awakens, slowly but surely.  His breaths don’t come as easily as they normally do.  Unbeknownst to him, he opens one eye and glances down, similar to the way Jane did earlier when she first realized she was not sleeping alone.  Cullen stiffens when he sees that it is Jane obscuring his breathing by lying on him.  Her head is on his chest, just below his collar bone.  Half of her torso is on his, and one of her legs is casually thrown over his pelvis.  His arms are wrapped around her small frame.  Her messy brown hair, for once free of its usual ponytail, is tickling his chin.  Craning his neck, Cullen gently – oh so gently – presses his lips against the top of Jane’s head, not wishing to wake her.  He’s not entirely sure as to why – he guesses that is just felt like the right thing to do, given the situation.  He hopes she isn’t awake enough to notice, already regretting his decision.

It was stupid, what if she had felt him give her a kiss? 

Cullen steals a glimpse at his alarm clock – it reads 8:35 AM.  By this point, his mom was probably already up and moving.  Bran and Rose would still be asleep (Saturday was their one day to sleep in), so he wouldn’t have to worry about them making noise and waking Jane up in the process.  He wanted to be sure she slept plenty, seeing as she was up late with the storms. 

But just then, he feels Jane move more than a sleeping person normally would.  She stretches one of her arms up – carefully, though, he notices, almost as if she knew where she was – before moving it back down to cover her mouth as she yawns.  “Good morning,” she mumbles, voice soft.  She easily slides off his chest and off his bed, planting both feet firmly on the ground before stretching again and then slumping back down into what could only best be described as an early morning slouch.  She yawns again, mouth wide, hand casually covering it.  “Thank you,” she says quietly, oh so quietly.  “I’m still sorry that I woke you up last night,” she tells him, turning his direction with a sheepish grin on her face.  “But it, uh, means a lot that you didn’t even hesitate.”  She turns away to hide her blush.  “I’m gonna go brush my teeth and stuff, now.”  Awkwardly – to Jane, anyways – she all but sprints out of Cullen’s room. 

Cullen remains in his bed and lets out a long, exasperated sigh.  He tries to push away the feelings, the warmth pooling in his belly, as he remembers her skin on his.  The soft curve of her waist –

No. 

Cullen shakes his head, furiously trying to dispel those thoughts. 

It’s better for both of them, he tells himself repeatedly.  It’s better.

It’s better.

 _It’s better_.

He’s not sure if he believes himself.

Muttering a string of curses, Cullen rubs his hand against his jaw, feeling the early morning stubble.  He decides against shaving this morning – there’s not really a point – and instead sits up and takes advantage of the fact that Jane isn’t currently in the room to change his clothes.  He pulls an old rugby shirt out of his drawer, paying strict attention to the logo, not allowing his mind to wander to other things, and tugs it over his head after discarding his sleep shirt.  By the time he’s finished getting dressed, Jane returns from the bathroom.  Her hair is still down, but it’s obvious that she has done her best to brush the morning bed head tangles out of her gentle curls.  She narrows her eyes at his face before grinning and saying, “I like the beard.”        

“It’s not really a beard,” he replies, cheeks turning a bit pink.  “I’m just too lazy to shave it when I’m at home.”

“Stop being such a shitter and take the compliment.  I meant it seriously,” Jane tells him with a laugh, her back to him as she digs through her duffle for clothes.  She grabs a tank top and shorts before returning to the bathroom and changing, tossing her pajamas from the night before on the top of her bag when she returns.  “What do you guys have for breakfast?” she asks, patting her stomach.  “I’m getting kind of hungry.”  Almost as if to reaffirm her statement, her stomach lets out a loud grumble, and she grins again. 

“Uh, I think we have cereal,” Cullen says.  “I didn’t check the pantry, but I’m sure there’s something.” 

Once in the kitchen, Cullen opens the door to the closet that acts as a pantry for his house; he’s assuming it’s as well-stocked as it is because his mother knew he was coming home for break.  “We have this fruit and yogurt and, like, oat cluster stuff,” he says to Jane, peering at her over his shoulder.  “Does that work?”

"Yeah,” Jane says with a nod.  “I like all of those things.”

Cullen grabs the cereal, wondering why his mom decided to put it on the top shelf (he’s the only person in their family tall enough to reach it) before gently tossing the box to Jane – who catches it expertly – and grabbing a couple bowls and spoons from the cupboard and some milk out of the fridge.  “The milk is from our cows here,” he says.  “Mom made sure to only buy dairy cows.”

“Oh, that’s really cool,” Jane says.  “Can you get me a cup?”

“Sure,” Cullen replies, placing one bowl in front of her on the island and another at the seat next to her.  “What do you want to drink?”

“I don’t put milk in my cereal,” she says.  “I eat kinda slow and so by the end my cereal is a soggy mess and that’s just gross.”          

Cullen gives her a weird look.  “I’m gonna let this behavior slide,” he tells her, “but only because you’re a guest in the house.”

“What?”

“Soggy cereal is the best part,” he argues. “It’s all saturated with milk, it’s amazing.”

“No, it’s just gross.  Cereal is supposed to be crunchy, not soggy.  It’s hella disgusting.”

Cullen continues to stare at her, causing Jane’s face to redden.  “Whatever you say, ma’am.”

“Don’t patronize me,” she scolds him, scowling.  “I’m an adult.”

“You’re eighteen years old,” he counters.  “As am I.”

“Yeah, well, I’m almost nineteen.”

“When’s your birthday?”

“Frumentum fifth,” Jane tells him with a smirk.  “When is yours?”

Cullen’s scowl mirrors Jane’s from earlier.  “The eighth of Umbralis,” he mutters. 

“I’m a whole month older than you!” Jane teases him, beaming.  “So, we all know who is _way_ the fuck more mature here.”

“Yeah, because that’s _exactly_ what mature people say,” Cullen says drily. 

“Exactly!  I’m glad you understand,” Jane says brightly, pouring her cereal into a bowl and then her milk into a cup.  “So, rugby?” she asks, her mouth full of cereal.  “I didn’t know you played sports.”

“What?  Oh, right, the shirt,” Cullen says, looking down at his shirt.  It’s light heather grey with a faded logo for his high school rugby team.  “I started playing in middle school because we were required to play some sort of sport at my all boys’ school.  I liked it enough, and my coach said I was good, so I stuck with it until high school ended.”

“Why aren’t you playing now?”

Cullen shrugs.  “Dunno.  I guess I just, sort of, lost my will to play after high school was over.  College is too competitive and I played more for fun than I did for anything else.  Sure, it kept me in great shape, which was nice.  But I wasn’t as serious about it as the other boys on my team.”

Jane nods.  “I get that.”

She asks a couple more questions about the mechanics of the game, why Cullen enjoyed playing it, how his teams were, all of which he answers readily.  It’s nice that the two of them can have a normal conversation like this, he thinks to himself. 

When they both finish up their cereal (Cullen takes the bowls to the sink), they walk back to his room, discussing their game plan for the day. 

“I mean, we’re at your home, so I feel like you know what would be best for us to do,” Jane says, more focused on braiding her hair than their conversation.  “I’ve only got suggestions for things to do here at the house – watch movies or TV, do homework, wander around your property.  Y’know, simple things like that.”

"All of those sound good to me,” Cullen replies.  “There’s not much to do that’s close by since we’re sort of out of the way.  Do you wanna start with the homework that way we have more enjoyable things to look forward to?”

“Works for me,” Jane says.

And so they work – Cullen on his statistics homework and Jane finishes up her biology notecards that she began the night before.

After a while Cullen hears the soft twinkling of artificial bells.  “What is that?”

“What’s what?” Jane asks, confused.  But then she hears it too.  Her eyes widen and she all but leaps for her backpack, digging around in it, desperately trying to find something.  “Got it!” she says, pulling out her phone.  She answers it with a, “hello?”  Cullen can barely make out a woman’s voice on the other line, but Jane’s demeanor immediately changes.  She sits up straighter, seems more formal.  “Hi, Mom,” she says.  “Yes, yes, it’s good to hear from you too.”  Another pause, and Jane cringes and slouches once again, almost as if she is being scolded.  “I-I know I haven’t called recently, Mom, and I’m sorry about that, I really am.  I’ve just been so busy with school work.  I have a lot of homework, like, every night, and-and I know you’d prefer that I get enough sleep and—” she stops speaking because her mother has begun to again. 

A few seconds later, all the blood noticeably drains from Jane’s face (it makes her freckles stand out, Cullen realizes, but not in a good way).  “Yes, it is a school break right now, Mom,” Jane mumbles.  “And, no-no I’m not home.”  Another, shorter, pause.  “Why?”  Jane stares at Cullen like a deer in the headlights.  “Well, um, my friend invited me to his house,” Jane replies.  “I didn’t want to make the drive all by myself – Dareth is on a skiing trip with the Pavus family, y’know, Halward Pavus is in the Senate with Dad and his son Dorian goes to school with me and he and Dareth started dating – and I didn’t want to make you and Dad worry about buying a plane ticket—” Jane is interrupted again, pausing to listen to her mother’s words.  “I know we can afford it, Mom, that’s not what I’m talking about.  I-I just meant that I’ve been drowning in school work and I was gonna use this break to finish it up and make sure I was all caught up on everything, but one of my friends was absolutely against me staying at school by myself, so he, uh, the day everyone was leaving for break he invited me to his house for the week so that way I-I could at least be doing homework with someone around.”  She glances at Cullen again, her face still unnecessarily pale and eyes screaming for help as she pays attention to her mother’s words. 

But then her mother says something and Jane’s eyebrows knit together.  “Wait, what do you mean Nat’s bridal shower is in a couple weeks?  No, I-I haven’t checked my mailbox recently, so I guess it makes sense that I wouldn’t have seen the invitation.”  She pauses again as her mother explains the situation.  “I need to be there _and_ I need a date?  Well I could just invite Dareth—what do you mean I can’t?  Oh, he and Cressida and Birora are already invited?”  Jane chews on her bottom lip, obviously nervous.  “Take the boy who invited me to his house for break?” 

Now it’s Cullen’s turn to be worried.  Immediately after she says that, Jane brings her eyes to his, wondering his response. 

“Let me ask him,” Jane tells her mom.  “We’re doing homework right now.”  She brings the phone down from her ear, covers the receiver, and whispers, “as you, uh, probably know, my mom wants you to be my date- _guest_ to my older sister Natalie’s bridal shower that’s coming up a couple weeks from now.  You-you totally don’t have to if you don’t want to and I wouldn’t blame you if you said no, but, uh, I would appreciate it.”  Jane averts her eyes, face reddening.  “My, uh, my mom would also really appreciate it, I think.”

“I don’t see why I can’t,” Cullen replies.  “I’m sure I can handle it.”

Jane snorts delicately.  “You say that now, but I’m totally gonna hold it to you.”

“Good,” Cullen says with a grin.

Jane puts the phone back up to her ear.  “Mom?  Yeah, I’m back.  Cullen said that he would be delighted to go to Nat’s bridal shower with me.”  A small smile tugs at the corner of her lips.  “Yeah, yeah of course, Mom, don’t worry.  I-I’m sorry about not coming home for the break, Mom, I really am, but-but I’ll see you and everyone else then, right?  Okay, okay, cool.  Okay, I-I love you too, Mom.  I’ll talk to you later, okay, okay.  Yeah.  Bye.”  The second Jane hangs up, she calmly, but firmly, just says, “well, _fuck_ ,” almost as if she only just now realizes what she just did. 

“What’d you say that for?” Cullen asks.  “Sounds to me like everything went fine.”

Jane lets out a cold and harsh laugh.  “Seriously?  You _honestly_ think that everything is a-the fuck okay?  Cullen you’re not prepared to spend time with my family.  Hell, Dareth’s been my best friend since we were in _diapers_ and sometimes even he can’t handle them!”  Jane pauses, taking a deep breath to try and compose herself.  “I don’t know why I even vaguely encouraged you to say yes.”  She sighs.  “Sorry that I’m freaking out it-it’s just that I have never, uh, really introduced a friend or a boyfriend – not that you’re my boyfriend – to my family before.  So, I, uh, don’t really know what I’m doing.”  She plays with the end of her braid, staring at the hairs poking out of her ponytail holder instead of Cullen.  So, she doesn’t notice him slide off his bed and move to hers until she feels the bed dip beneath his weight. 

“Jane,” he says softly.  “Jane, look at me.”  She doesn’t.  Cullen places his hand under her chin – she tenses – and he lifts her face to his.  Her eyes are rimmed red, but no tears have fallen just yet.  “Jane, it’s nothing I can’t handle, okay?”  She looks down, eyes trained on her knees.  “Besides, if you think I’m not ready, you’ve got, what, two weeks?  Yeah, at least two weeks to prepare me.  Dareth can help too, y’know, since he’s not technically part of your family, but he has spent plenty of time with them.”

“Yeah, I-I guess you have a point there,” Jane says.  Without much warning, she crawls into Cullen’s lap and wraps her arms around his neck, burying her face in the crook of his neck.  “Thanks,” she whispers against his skin, sending shivers down his spine.  “I-I’m sorry that I keep freaking out.  It’s just that my family can be a lot to deal with sometimes.”

Cullen slowly wraps his arms around Jane, enveloping her in a warm embrace.  He rests his head against hers, ignorant to the chills he gives her because of that simple action.  It doesn’t take long for Jane to pull away, red-faced and stammering out excuses about how she really should get back to doing her homework.  Cullen doesn’t argue, merely letting her go and returning to his bed to attempt to finish his stats work.  After a while he checks the time – 12:30 PM – and asks Jane if she wants some lunch.

"Food would probably be good,” she replies, not looking up from her psychology textbook. 

“We always have sandwich stuff.”

“I like sandwiches,” Jane says.  “If you have it, I’d like a turkey sandwich on wheat bread with mayo, brown mustard, whatever cheese you have, and some greens.”  She blushes.  “Sorry if that seemed a little demanding.”

“It’s not, no worries,” Cullen says, laughing.  “But, yeah, I’ll go make us some lunch.  Do you like chips?” he asks, lingering in the doorway. 

“Sure do.”

“Cool, I’ll grab a bag of those, too,” he says as he leaves his room.

“Look who’s finally up and moving,” Bran teases Cullen when the older boy reaches the kitchen.  “Rose and I here thought you’d never wake up.”

Cullen looks to his younger sister who is sitting at the island, and she just rolls her eyes before shaking her head.  “Bran’s just being a dick,” she says.  “I knew you were awake.  I heard Jane talking on her phone for a while.”  Rose pauses, thinking.  “Is everything okay with her?  She sounded kinda upset.”

“What?  Oh, yeah, everything’s fine.  She just…doesn’t get along with her family as well as we do.”

“We don’t even have a dad, Cullen,” Bran says.  “I wouldn’t say that we get along.”

"Well, we do better with what we have than she does,” Cullen answers.  “But don’t worry about her, she’s fine.”

“So, what’s up?” Bran asks as he puts the finishing touches on the sandwich he had been making.  He puts it on a plate and takes it to Rosalie, who thanks him with a smile, before beginning to make his own.

“The same thing as you, apparently.  Jane and I were starting to get hungry, so I figured I’d make us some sandwiches to eat while we finished up our homework.”  Cullen goes to the fridge and opens it, taking out the necessary sandwich ingredients that Bran didn’t already have out on the counter. 

“Aw, how domestic,” Rose teases him, grinning.  “What a good boyfriend.”

Cullen tenses and stops fixing the sandwiches.  “Jane’s not my girlfriend,” he says a little too harshly. 

Rose recoils, hurt by Cullen’s tone.  “Sorry,” she mumbles.  “I was just joking.”

“Yeah, I-I know, Rose, I’m sorry.  There’s no need for you to apologize, I’m the one who got upset.  Don’t worry about it.”  Cullen sighs.  “It’s just, um, kind of complicated with Jane sometimes.”  He looks down at the sandwich he’s making, mayo halfheartedly spread over one piece of whole wheat bread.  “You can’t tell her this, but I do like her,” he says.  “I’m just not really sure if she’s ready to date me, hell, I don’t even know if she could handle me telling her that I like her.  Sorry to throw this on you two,” Cullen adds. 

“It’s cool,” Rose says. 

“Why do you think she’d freak out if you told her you had a crush on her?” Bran asks, genuinely curious.  “She seems pretty comfortable around you, from what I’ve seen.  Don’t think I didn’t see you two basically holding hands yesterday after her dad was on the news.”

“Bran makes a good point,” Rose chimes in. 

Cullen pauses, pursing his lips.  He knows that he can’t tell his younger siblings that he got stupid drunk and had sex with Jane, no good example big brother does that sort of thing.  Instead, he chooses his words carefully.  “We had, uh, a bad experience at the beginning of the school year, and I’m still not really sure that she’s fully recovered from it.”

“So you two had a drunken hook up?” Rose asks.  “What?” she says defensively, crossing her arms when her older brothers gape at her, completely shocked.  “I might be fifteen, but I’m not stupid.”  She turns her attention back to Cullen.  “Am I right?”

Cullen nods mutely, eyes trained on the floor, which is suddenly _infinitely_ more interesting than the conversation.  “Don’t tell Mom.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” his younger siblings chirp in unison. 

“Anyways, I guess that’s a good reason to hide your feelings from her,” Rose continues.  “I get that you’d want to wait for her to be more comfortable around you before you said anything.”

“Well, that and the fact that I’m not sure if she even actually likes me back,” Cullen reminds her. 

"Oh, yeah, I totally get that one,” Bran says.  “There’s this girl named Alison in my grade, and, _damn_ do I like her, but I have no idea how she feels about me.  It’s stressful.”

“Have either of you tried asking?” Rose questions.  “I didn’t think so,” she says when neither of them respond.  “Cullen, I can understand your situation and reasoning better than Bran’s.  Anyways, my suggestion is just to, y’know, let her get comfortable around you, let her be herself.  I’m sure she’ll warm up sooner rather than later.”  She gives her oldest brother a reassuring smile.  “You’ve got this, bud.”

“Thanks, Rose,” he says, planting a quick kiss on her cheek before gathering up his and Jane’s lunches, taking them back to his room.  “Here you go,” he says to Jane when he returns, sliding the sandwich and the paper towel that it’s on onto her nightstand before taking his to his bed and eating.  He is hungrier than he thought.

“Awesome, thanks,” Jane says, finishing one last notecard for psychology.  “Done!” she says, excited.  “Maker that took forever.”  She picks up her sandwiched and takes a bite.  “Oh my goodness, this is amazing.” 

“It’s just a sandwich,” Cullen says with a laugh, a light blush dusting his cheeks. 

They finish their food in relative silence, each wondering how the other is feeling, what they’re thinking.  Cullen picks up his stats again, a couple problems left, once he’s done with his food.  Jane picks up her phone, scrolling through memes and news stories, avoiding ones that mention her father. 

“Maker, I’m finally finished,” Cullen says, closing his stats textbook a little louder than necessary, causing Jane to jump.  “Whoops, sorry.”

“No worries,” she replies, closing whatever she was looking at on her phone before locking it.  “So what now?”

Cullen shrugs.  “We could see if Bran and Rose want to watch a movie with us.”

“Works for me.”

Cullen hops out of his bed, extending a hand to Jane to help her up.  He checks on his younger siblings, knocking on their doors, asking if they’re okay with a movie.  Both of them respond positively, so Cullen heads to the living room, setting up the TV and DVD player, before plopping on the floor, waiting patiently for the other members of the household to join him.  Which, of course, they eventually do.  Bran claims the loveseat once again (a common occurrence), Rose curls up in the arm chair, and Jane sits to one side of the couch.  Ellie hops up onto the loveseat with Bran, curling up in between his legs.  The younger Rutherfords make eye contact, silently willing Cullen to sit as close to Jane as decently possible on the couch.  After much debating a movie is chosen and Cullen joins Jane on the couch. 

And much to his siblings’ dismay, he sits at the other side, lounging against the arm.  They both have their legs spread out and their feet are brushing, but Rose and Bran still purse their lips, disappointed in their brother for not even at least _trying_ to get his feelings across to Jane.  Eventually, though, Jane fidgets on the couch as if she is uncomfortable.  “Do you wanna lie down?” Cullen asks her quietly.

“What?  Oh, no, I’ll be okay.  I don’t want to make you move,” she says quickly, too quickly. 

“I wasn’t going to,” Cullen says as he grabs a pillow and sets it in his lap.  “This works just as well, too.”

Cullen sees a light flush work its way up Jane’s face, but she doesn’t turn him down.  Instead, she takes out her braid and lays her head in his lap – he is thankful for the pillow – and stretches her legs out to the other end of the couch. 

At first, he’s unsure what to do with his hands and just laces his fingers together behind his head (Rosalie almost leaves a mark on her face with how hard she smacks her hand against her forehead).  In the end, however, he rests them on Jane.  One is on her waist – the soft curve of her waist – and the other in her hair, gently running his fingers through it.  Jane hums contentedly at the feeling of a hand in her hair.  Rose and Bran do their best to pay attention to the movie and not to their older brother. 

The movie ends and Bran checks his watch.  “It’s almost five,” he tells the others.  “Mom should be home soon, so we should probably heat up the leftovers and have food ready for her when she gets back.”

“Good idea,” Rose says, stretching before hopping out of the arm chair.  She and Bran race into the kitchen  – Ellie hot on their heels – to ensure that dinner is piping hot and ready when their mom returns.  Which she soon is.  She greets each of her children – all of who are in the kitchen by this point – with a kiss to their cheek and she gives Jane a swift hug, causing the girl to blush. 

The family plus Jane eats dinner lounging around the kitchen.  Martha is leaning against the counter, smiling as she listens to her children tell her about their day.  After everyone is done storytelling, Martha informs the kids (and Jane) that it’s their turn to make sure the cows are out of the pasture and up for the night.  Surprisingly, to Jane, none of them complain, instead answering her with a chorus of “yes ma’am”s and all giving her a kiss before heading outside.  Jane follows close behind them.

Herding the cows inside is unexpectedly easy.  Each of the Rutherford kids knows each cow by name, calling to them sweetly and giving each cow lots of pets before locking them in their stalls.  Cullen beckons Jane over to the cow he just put up.  “This is Missy,” he proudly tells Jane.  “She’s my cow.  I named her and everything.”  Gently, he takes Jane’s hand and places it on Missy’s head.  “Go ahead and pet her, she loves it.” 

So, Jane does.  She scratches Missy on the top of her head between her ears, causing the cow to close her eyes and let out a soft moo.  Jane giggles.  She’s never pet a cow before, and tells Cullen as much.  “I like her.”

“She likes you, too,” Cullen says (while thinking that the cow is not the only one), a kind smile on his face that tugs at his scar.  A smile that lights up his face and makes Jane yearn to grab his jaw and pull him close, pressing her lips against his.  But she doesn’t.

He gives Missy a quick kiss on her wet nose before turning to look for Rose and Bran.  Both of who, conveniently, are no longer in the barn.  “Do you wanna go look at the stars?” Cullen asks Jane.

“Yeah, I’d love to,” Jane responds.  “I don’t really get to see them that often at home.”

“Well then, you’ll love it here,” Cullen says.  Without really realizing, he takes Jane by the hand – she doesn’t let go, but she does blush, glad for the poor lighting – and leads her outside, away from the house, away from the road, to the middle of the field behind the barn.  He lays down on the ground, and motions for her to lay next to him.  She does, her head right by his. 

What he doesn’t expect is for Jane to begin telling him about the constellations she sees.  She starts by saying that Jonny is studying astronomy at Weisshaupt College and that he has always loved the sky, the stars, everything in the great big beyond.  When they were kids, he would drag Jane outside and tell her the stories about each and every constellation, her paying apt attention to his every word.  They brush hands once, and Cullen takes Jane’s hand, interlocking their fingers together.  Her voice falters as she explains Equinor, the rearing stallion, to him, but she doesn’t shake her hand free.  In fact, she gives his hand a gentle squeeze before taking a deep breath and finishing her story. 

They lay there like that for a while – fingers intertwined, silently watching the stars, the clouds move across the sky.

And then, Jane turns her head to him and speaks.

“That-that scar on your lip.  Where did it come from?” she asks.  “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

“No, no it’s fine,” he replies, his eyes meeting hers, amber to green.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”  He takes a deep breath.  “You remember how I told you my dad left?”  Jane nods.  “Well, this was kind of the final straw.  Like I mentioned yesterday, he-he was drunk a lot.  It was more often than not towards the end, but he wasn’t always like that.  When I was a kid he was great.  But, I guess, that’s part of growing up.  You realize your parents aren’t exactly the fucking shining pillars of excellence that you always thought they were.  Anyways, he came home one day, already drunk off his ass, and he just started yelling at Rose and Bran.  I don’t even remember why, but, Maker, I remember their faces.  Rose was only eleven or so, and she just, she looked so _scared_ , Jane.  This kid was scared of her own dad, and I-I couldn’t let that stand.  I couldn’t let her have that childhood innocence taken away from her like that, so I yelled back. 

"In hindsight, it wasn’t the best idea, but at the time I couldn’t think of anything else to do.  I jumped in front of Rose and Bran and basically told him to fuck off.  He got quiet and I thought I had gotten him to stop, but I was wrong.  Holy _shit_ , was I wrong, Jane.  He had a beer bottle in his hand and he—” Cullen pauses, steadying his voice, squeezing Jane’s hand “—he hit me with it.  Knocked me right upside the head and the bottle broke in the process, scratching my face.”  Jane’s eyes grow wide.  “Rose started screaming and she grabbed Bran by the hand and they raced out the back door.  That got my mom’s attention.  She rushed inside, the kids following close behind, and-and she saw me and my dad standing there, blood running down my face, broken bottle in his hand.  And she-she just snapped.  Sure, she spoke calmly when she told my dad that he could either clean up his act or get the hell out of her house, but I felt the rage that she was pushing down.  My dad heard what she said and he just walked out.  He walked out of the kitchen, out the living room, out the back door, and out of our lives.”  He sighs.  “Mom cleaned up my face and drove me, Bran, and Rose to the ER where I got five stitches for the worst cut, the one on and above my lip.”

By this point, Jane has rolled onto her side and she is close, oh so close, to Cullen’s face.  They’re still holding hands, but she lifts her other one and brings it to his face.  “Can I touch it?” she whispers.  Cullen doesn’t say anything, he just nods.  Jane places a couple fingers against his scar, tracing it from his lip to his cheek, feeling the rough stubble.  “I’m sorry,” she says.

Cullen shrugs.  “It’s fine,” he says.  “We’re better without him.”

“It seems that way.”

They lie like that for a little while longer, Jane’s hand resting on Cullen’s face.  Without giving it much thought, Cullen turns his head, his lips brushing against her hand in a tender kiss before saying, “we should probably get inside and go to bed.”

“Yeah,” Jane agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my dudes this chapter was like 2k words longer than all the others which is why it took me so long to get finished. anyways I hope y'all enjoyed the fluffy angst (or angsty fluff depending on how you look at it)!! this was probs my fave that I've written so far 
> 
> so the cereal argument is straight up modeled off a similar one my college roommate and I had because tbh milk in cereal is gross
> 
> as always, comments and kudos are always appreciated and feel free to hmu at my tumblr which also uses the name annalyia :D


	6. Chapter 6

Jane listens to Cullen’s easy, even breathing from his bed.  She’s been staring at the clock for a while now, watching the minutes tick by.  It’s currently 1:32 in the morning, but she can’t sleep.  Hasn’t been able to sleep since they came inside from their star gazing. 

Since Cullen held her hand.

Since he told her the story of his scar.

Since she brushed her fingers against his scar, feeling the raised skin.

Since he kissed her hand tenderly, in a way she’d never experienced before.

She sighs and debates reaching for her phone again.  She’s been thinking about picking it up for a while now, texting Dareth, letting him know. 

So, finally, she does.

 

_Jane: hey are you awake_

 

She has barely put her phone down on her bed when the screen lights up with a text from her best friend. 

 

Dareth: yeah of course I am.  What’s up do you need me?

_Jane: um a lot is up_

Dareth: that’s not very specific y’know

 

It takes her a minute to respond, a minute to formulate her words.  How best to say what she’s thinking?

 

_Jane: do you think that there’s a chance Cullen might like me_

Dareth: did something happen?  Are you okay?  Do you want me to call you?

_Jane: no don’t worry about calling it’s late and I know you’re probably all snuggled up in bed with Dorian it’s okay_

_Jane: it’s just that he’s been_

_Jane: I don’t know_

_Jane: affectionate?_

_Jane: yeah he’s been real affectionate this trip_

Dareth: how so?

_Jane: like we saw my dad on TV and it was awkward and he just like held my hand and gave it a light squeeze before letting go_

_Jane: he let me sleep in the same bed as him because I woke him up from crying so much_

Dareth: storms?

_Jane: yeah they were bad_

Dareth: wow okay.  Anything else?

_Jane: we went to herd the cows into the barn (he might deny it but he totally lives on a farm) and he took my hand and put it on his cow to pet her and then we were outside watching the stars and our hands brushed and_

_Jane: Dareth he held my hand_

_Jane: he held it like he didn’t want to ever let go_

Dareth: oh wow

_Jane: and then I asked about his scar and he told me how he got it_

_Jane: if you wanna know you’re gonna have to ask him it’s not my place btw but it’s kinda similar to you and your mom_

_Jane: and so he told me and then he let me touch his scar and while my hand was there he kissed it_

_Jane: it wasn’t anything more than like his lips gently brushing against my hand but it was still a kiss_

_Jane: Dareth what do I do_

_Jane: I don’t know how to handle someone liking me and actually wanting to stick around for longer than five seconds_

_Jane: like honestly what the fuck_

 

Jane watches the three little dots on her screen bounce up and down as she waits for Dareth’s reply.  It takes a while, so she can only assume he is either spending time thinking about what to say, or he is writing a whole novel.  Or both.

 

Dareth: well this is good, isn’t it?  I know you wanted to get to know him before you started anything like this but the two of you have known each other for half a semester now and while that might not seem like a lot of time it is when you spend almost every waking minute together as the four of us do.  As for whether or not he likes you I have no idea and even if I did I wouldn’t tell you because that’s something for Cullen to say to you.  But the two of you spending time together like this is a step in the right direction in my opinion.  I know it’s hard for you and a boy acting on his feelings for you isn’t exactly new just weird but you just gotta take a deep breath Janie.  Take a deep breath and just enjoy what you’re doing.  Don’t over think it.  I know that’s not gonna be easy but I also know you can do it.  And if Cullen keeps flirting with or putting the moves on you?  Just go with it.  You’ve got this best friend :)

 

Jane smiles at her best friend’s words, wiping a couple tears from her eyes. 

 

_Jane: I know I know you’re right_

_Jane: but it still doesn’t mean I’m prepared for it at all_

_Jane: I love you did u kno_

Dareth: how could you not?  I’m amazing ;)

_Jane: okay now you’re just being a smart alec_

Dareth:  your point?  But go to bed and get some rest okay

Dareth: for me

_Jane: okay I will don’t worry_

_Jane: goodnight best friend_

Dareth: good night best friend

_Jane: love you_

Dareth: love you too

 

Jane locks her phone and puts it back on the nightstand before snuggling under her covers, pulling her stuffed Mabari close, and closing her eyes.

“Jane?” asks a groggy Cullen.

She stiffens at the sound of her name, eyes shooting open.  “Uh, yeah?”

“Are you still awake?”

“Um, yeah.”

“Can you just not sleep?”  He stifles a yawn.

She nods at first, but then remembers that he can’t see her without his glasses on, let alone in the dark.  “Oh, um, yeah I’m just having some trouble.”

“C’mere,” he says.

“Do what?”

“Come here,” he says, clearer now.

“Why?”  She feels a blush travel up her face and is thankful that the moon doesn’t illuminate the room completely.

“Well, you slept pretty well over here last night—” another yawn “—so I figure you’ll be fine if you do the same tonight.”

“Oh, gosh, no I-I don’t want to keep you up or anything or—” her stammers are cut short by Cullen interrupting her.

“I’m offering, Jane,” he says simply.  “If it bugged me, I wouldn’t be offering.  Now, come here.”

And so she does.  Something about the surety of his voice draws her to him.  She crawls out from underneath her covers, leaving her Mabari behind, and under Cullen’s sheets.  He lifts an arm and she curls up into him, her nose to his chest.  He smells good, she realizes, and he’s so warm. 

She feels him press his lips to the top of her head once.  Twice.  Three times.  “Goodnight,” he murmurs into her hair.

“Goodnight,” she manages to say back.

\--

Jane slips out of bed easier the next morning, but not before placing a kiss against Cullen’s scar.  She’s close, so close, to his lips, but she knows better.  She watches as his brows furrow together, as he sleepily searches the bed for her, as he mumbles out a confused “Jane?” before she smooths her fingers through his hair, soothing him.  His face and body relax and he is soon back asleep. 

As quietly as she can, Jane grabs her shower stuff and brings it to the bathroom.  She pulls a couple towels from the closet – one for hair and one for body – before turning on the water and humming quietly to herself.  She brushes her teeth as the steam floods the bathroom around her, finally deigning to jump in when she deems the water hot enough. 

She just stands there for a minute, taking the shower in.  Feeling the hot water run down her face in rivulets, in patterns, following trails she doesn’t understand.  An old chantry song falls from her lips as she rubs soap on her body and shampoo in her hair.  Her shower and song finish at the same time.  Jane wraps her hair in a towel, humming the tune as she dries off.

A knock on the door.  Quickly throwing the towel around herself, Jane says, “uh, come in?”

The door opens to reveal a fresh out of bed Rosalie.  “Were you singing?” the younger girl asks.

Jane blushes.  “Um, yeah, I was.  Did I wake you up?”

Shaking her head, Rose does her best to suppress a yawn.  “No, no, I was already up and doing some reading in bed.  I have to get up early to feed my bird.  You have a lovely voice,” she says.

Jane’s face turns redder.  No one ever really notices her voice; it is a low alto, so most people spent time praising Natalie instead, for the older girl has a lovely soprano voice.  Jane knows most people prefer sopranos to altos anyways.  “Thanks,” Jane says, her mouth curving into a half moon.  “I don’t sing that much anymore, but I can never resist singing in the shower.”

“You don’t?” Rose asks, confused.  “But your voice is so pretty.”

Jane shrugs.  “Yeah, I guess it is.”  She pauses.  “I suppose I just haven’t had a reason to sing, recently.”

Rose nods.  “I get that.”  Rose walks into the bathroom and grabs her toothbrush.  “I’m gonna do this real quick, if that’s cool with you.”

“Yeah, I gotta go put clothes on anyways.”

Jane picks up her pajamas and heads back to Cullen’s room, leaving Rosalie to her morning hygiene.  She slowly pushes the door open, doing her best not to wake Cullen.  After digging through her bag for a moment, Jane finds a clean sports bra and underwear, a t-shirt, and a pair of shorts.  She pulls the underwear on first – just to be safe – before her shorts and bra.  Right as she goes to grab her shirt, however, she rams her foot against her bed, and a loud exclamation of “ _fuck!_ ” escapes her lips before she can throw her hand over her mouth. 

Cullen shoots up from his bed.  “What?  Jane?  Is-is everything all right?”  He shoves his glasses onto his face and looks at Jane, who is hopping around on one leg, foot in one hand, other hand covering her mouth.

And who is also only wearing shorts and a sports bra. 

Her eyes widen.

His eyes widen.

Cullen stammers out some sort of apology, shielding his eyes with one hand. 

It does little to help what he’s seen – it’s not that he’s never seen a girl without a shirt on before (especially Jane); it’s just that the image is now burned clearly into his mind, no longer just a drunken blur.

Her freckles don’t stop.  Sure, they thin out some, and he knew they were on her arms and shoulders, but they’re on her torso, too.  They dip down to places he shouldn’t think about.

Her skin is that lovely shade of tan, almost like coffee with plenty of creamer, warm and probably smooth to the touch.

“Oh, um, gosh, no it’s fine, Cullen,” she says, embarrassed.  “It’s just a sports bra, after all.  No big deal.”  She pauses, waiting for him to make a move.  “You can uncover your eyes, now, y’know.”

He does, just in time to see her finish tugging her t-shirt over her head.  It covers the soft fat at her hips, and he yearns for her hips to return – he yearns to touch them, kiss them.

He yearns for a lot of things, but now is not the time.

The rest of the day passes similarly to the previous ones – though, there is less homework done on this one.  Jane and Cullen spend the majority of the day with Bran and Rose (and Ellie, of course), merely wandering around the Rutherford’s property.  When the younger two discover that Jane has never been “backyard fishing” (as they call it) they scramble to find their poles and bait before dragging Jane out to one of the many ponds in the woods.  Rose claims to be a better fisher than her brothers, so she is tasked with showing Jane the ropes.  Cullen and Bran take a seat on a tree branch that has grown close enough to the ground to act as a bench.  Ellie curls up on the ground at their feet, eyes closed and breathing steady.

“So, uh, I know the basic idea behind fishing,” Jane tells them.  “I’ve just never done it before.”

“Here,” Rose says, rigging up a hook with a rubber worm to the end of Jane’s fishing pole.  She expertly threads the worm onto the hook before dropping it, the bait bouncing on the line.  Taking Jane’s hands, Rose positions them correctly on the pole, one hand holding the grip by the reel and the other at the base.  “Now, you’re gonna hold the line with a couple of fingers once we flip this—” she motions to a piece of metal that hovers over the reel “—and then you’re gonna hold the pole over your shoulder and then fling it forward.  When you do that, be sure to let go of the line, otherwise you’re not gonna throw it anywhere.”  Rose takes a step to Jane’s side, surveying her position.  “Ready?”

“Uh, as I’ll ever be.”

“Then go ahead!”  Rose beams encouragingly at the older girl.

Taking a deep breath, Jane focuses on a spot in the middle of the pond before casting her line out, trying to follow Rose’s instructions as close as possible.  The bait and hook land moderately close to where she had aimed for.  They sink beneath the surface of the pond, the bobber staying above the water, floating gently in the current.  It takes a bit, but eventually the bobber is yanked down, a fish on the hook.  Jane yelps before frantically beginning to reel in the line. 

“Not so fast!” Rose tells her.  “Reel it in a little bit, give it some slack, and then pick it back up.  You don’t want to break the rod.”

Jane nods and does as Rose says.  Finally, she wins the battle with the fish and pulls up a little bluegill, which flops around in the open air. 

Bran and Cullen congratulate her with loud cheering.

Jane blushes, not really understanding all the enthusiasm.  It’s just a small fish.  “Thanks, guys,” Jane says with a smile. 

Rose quickly unhooks the fish and chucks it back into the pond.  “Wanna give it another go?”

“Oh, uh, not really,” Jane says, her hands up in front of her.  “I think I’ve had enough for the day.”

Shrugging, Rose readies the fishing pole for another cast.  “Suit yourself.”  She turns to Bran.  “Do you wanna fish with me?”

“Yeah, of course.”

The two younger Rutherfords park themselves at the edge of the dock that hangs above the pond, before throwing their lines out over the water and waiting for fish to bite.  Jane plants herself on the tree branch next to Cullen. 

“That was fun,” she says. 

Cullen’s fingers nervously drum out a tune on the bark.  “Yeah, it seemed like it.”

“Why aren’t you fishing?”

He shrugs.  “I just didn’t feel like it today.  Besides, it’s nice to see Bran and Rose bond like this.  Things were hard for both of them for a while after Dad left, and I like to see the two of them enjoying themselves, especially together.”

“I get that.”

They sit in silence, watching Bran and Rose attempt to catch fish as the sun begins to dip below the trees. 

“We should probably get inside before it gets too dark out here,” Cullen calls to his younger siblings. 

“Yeah, probably,” Bran shoots back as he wrangles with the fish he has hooked, finally pulling a young catfish free of the water.  He flings it back into the pond almost immediately.

Jane and Cullen hop off the branch and help Bran and Rose gather up the fishing supplies back into a bag.  The group and Ellie traipse down the well-worn paths in the woods, sure signs that this is not their first excursion. 

As with the night before, the Rutherford children prepare dinner before their mom gets home.  The family munches on pasta as their talk about their days.  Martha is impressed to learn that Jane caught a fish on her first try.  Jane laughs and insists it wasn’t that big of a deal – the fish was small and Rose was an excellent teacher. 

However, dinner is much later tonight than it had been previously – Martha had stayed late at work and the kids had been at the pond for quite a while.

So, when everyone finishes up, Jane, Cullen, and his siblings quickly herd the cows into the barn again.  The same love and tenderness is shown to each cow, and Jane learns that Missy is the oldest at fourteen years old and that four of the other cows are her calves (from different years, of course, Cullen assures her). 

That night, when Cullen and Jane go to bed, he merely opens his arms and she joins him in his bed, snuggles against him, and breathes in his scent.  There’s no discussion, just another sweet kiss to the top of her head and goodnights murmured between them. 

The rest of the week is not very eventful.  Jane, Cullen, and the kids laze around the host for most of the days, sometimes spending time in the woods, at the fishing pond, splashing in the creek, but mostly they marathon movies together.  Every night Cullen and Jane sleep in the same bed, wrapped in each other’s arms and warmth and being.

The night before they leave, however, is eventful in its own unexpected way.

After dinner, after the cows are safe and warm in the barn, Cullen and Jane lie in the grass and gaze at the stars.  Instead of going inside once they are done staring at the sky, the pair follows those well-worn paths back to the pond, back to the bench tree branch. 

In the beginning, there is a little bit of space between them, but at some point, Cullen wraps an arm around Jane and pulls her to his side; their thighs press together and she blushes.  Jane watches the fish swim in lazy circles around the pond while Cullen continues to look at the stars.  She sneaks a peek at Cullen, noticing the way the moonlight reflects off his skin, makes his hair shine silver.  

“It’s been nice here,” Jane says, breaking the serene silence.  “Thanks for inviting me, Cullen.  I’m glad that I’ve gotten to see and do a bunch of things that I’d never experienced before.  It was, uh, relaxing.”

A corner of Cullen’s mouth tugs up.  “I’m glad you’ve had a good time.”  He gives her a gentle squeeze. 

She rests her head on his shoulder and sighs contentedly. 

Without really thinking about it, Jane starts to sing.

It is soft and quiet, but her voice travels in the calm of the night. 

Cullen loves it.

He loves the way her voice almost cracks on a couple of the higher notes.

He loves how rich and smooth it sounds in the lower range. 

He loves how comfortable she must be around him to sing.

He’s not sure when he began to feel this way, but he loves it.

Her song ends and she lets out a little laugh.  “Sorry, I’m not sure where that came from.”

“Don’t apologize.”

Jane looks up at Cullen, making eye contact.  “Are you sure?”

“I don’t think I’ve ever been surer about anything in my life.”

Jane blushes, but she doesn’t avert her eyes. 

With a sudden burst of confidence, Cullen places a hand beneath Jane’s chin and tilts her head up, bringing his lips to hers and—

She pulls back, pulls _away_ , her eyes wide and afraid.  Her breaths are quick.  She worms her way out of his arms and almost falls off the branch in the process.  “I’m sorry,” she says quickly, oh so quickly.  “I-I-I…I can’t.”  Her eyes are red and tears are welling but not falling. 

And with that she slips off the branch and down the path and away from Cullen. 

He continues to sit on the branch for a while longer, head in his hands.

They both sleep alone that night. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the long wait! this week has been a week and I just didn't have that much time to work on this lmao
> 
> also, I finally chose a title! it comes from the song "The Currents" by Bastille. I was listening to the live version from their concert I went to last month and the line "oh I need a breath/ I need a breath/ fill my lungs/ let me fill my lungs" just really stood out to me because like Jane and Cullen always have trouble breathing around each other ;)
> 
> I apologize if this chapter did not have the fluff you were expecting haha but I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless!!
> 
> as always comments and kudos are 100% appreciated!!!


	7. Chapter 7

The drive has been quiet.  In fact, everything has been quiet since last night, since Cullen accidentally acted on his feelings, since Jane panicked and ran away. 

Cullen shifts uncomfortably in the driver’s seat at that thought.  He takes one hand off the wheel of the car and rubs his forehead with it – why must life be so stressful sometimes? 

He glances briefly at Jane before setting his eyes on the road once again. 

She’s resting her head on her open palm, arm propped up on the car door.  Her eyes are closed, but Cullen has a sneaking suspicion that she’s not actually asleep, she’s just avoiding him.

He can’t really blame her, after all. 

He really thought it would be okay, more than okay, to kiss her.  They had slept in the same bed all week.  They had held hands.  He had kissed her head, her hand.  She had told him about the stars, her eyes brightening when she looked at the sky, when she weaved her stories.  He had told her about his scar, about his _dad_ , and then she’d touched his scar, her fingers raising goosebumps on his skin as they traced an old pattern. 

Sighing, Cullen slaps himself mentally, knowing that there’s no real way to know if Jane had wanted to kiss him or not because he didn’t ask.  He just assumed that she felt the same way in that moment.

It’s not that he believes she doesn’t like him back at all – he’s not _that_ big of an idiot – it’s just that he guesses she’s scared. 

But, honestly?  He just has no idea what’s running through her mind and no idea exactly how to broach the subject again. 

Cullen accidentally hits a bump in the road and Jane bounces in her seat.  It takes all her self-control to not open her eyes and say something sarcastic about his driving skills. 

Feigning sleep is not easy for her.  She’d much rather be awake right now, joking with Cullen, watching the scenery fly by. 

But she can’t.

She doesn’t really understand why she didn’t let him kiss her the previous night.  She just, at the time, knew that she couldn’t.  Now, she’s not so sure, but she doesn’t really know what to do next.  He still has to go to Natalie’s bridal shower with her, but she keeps reassuring herself that everything will be fixed by then.

Her phone buzzes in her lap, and she knows that it is Dareth, who is finally off the plane and probably on the way back to campus (and also probably worried out of his mind by her message).  But she also can’t check and be sure. 

After about twenty more minutes of driving, Jane feels the car come to a slow stop.  She senses Cullen’s hesitation, but eventually he gently places a hand on her shoulder and gives her a slight shake.  “We’re back at school, Jane,” he says.  “Time to wake up.”

Jane blinks her eyes sleepily, even adding a stretch and a quiet yawn.  “Gotcha.”

They both clamber out of the car – more stretching ensues, on both parts – before grabbing their bags from the backseat.  Jane slings her duffle over her shoulder before turning to Cullen.  Cheeks reddening, she says, “thanks, again.  I had a good time,” before turning on her heel and walking quickly to her dorm.  She pulls out her phone and unlocks it as she walks to her room, reading the texts from Dareth.  Instead of answering his many questions (she doesn’t even bother to count all of the messages he sent), she merely tells him to come over as soon as he can once he gets back to campus.  He sends a quick confirmation reply.

Jane unlocks her door, and is disappointed to see that Josie has not already returned.  But, she supposes, it’s for the best.  She doesn’t want to trouble Josephine with her silly boy problems; the other girl probably has more important things to worry about. 

Unceremoniously, Jane drops her bag on the floor in front of her dresser and crawls under her covers, nestling herself in their warm and cozy embrace.

Not as warm or cozy as Cullen’s arms, but that’s beside the point.

It doesn’t take long before Jane hears a solid knock on her door.  “Come in,” she calls, not willing to get up from her bed and open the door herself. 

Dareth’s head – his dirty blonde hair much messier than usual – pokes through the door as it swings open.  He frowns when he notices his best friend curled up under the many blankets on her bed.  Closing the door behind him, Dareth crosses the room and sits on the bed next to Jane.  He combs his fingers through her hair, knowing that it will always calm her down.

“What happened?” he asks.

“Was my text not clear enough?” she jokes.  “I’m pretty sure a simple ‘I fucked up’ can get the point across pretty well.”

“It’s kind of vague, actually.  There are a lot of things that could have been fucked up and you weren’t being very specific.”  Dareth’s tone is light but Jane senses the tension present, sees his pursed lips and furrowed brow. 

“I think I fucked shit up with Cullen,” she says, getting straight to the problem.  Dareth is not one for dancing around issues, so she knows better than to not give a straight answer to his questions.

“What?  How?  From your texts the other night, everything seemed to actually be going pretty well.  You said that you two had, like, a bonding moment or something, right?”

“We did,” Jane says before pausing.  “And it was nice and all and, like, I’m glad that he trusts me enough to tell me about his past and touch his scar, but, like, I still fucked it all up in the end.”  She sighs.

“Well, can you tell me what happened?  Or do you want me to just throw out ideas until I get it right?”

“No, I’ll tell you.  I just…feel bad and I know you won’t judge me, but that doesn’t stop me from judging myself for how I acted.”  Jane takes a deep breath in through her mouth and lets it out her nose.  “He tried to kiss me, Dareth.  Like actual mouth to mouth smoochy smooch time.  And I just couldn’t kiss him back.”  She brings her eyes to his.  “And it was such a fucking cliché romantic thing, too.  We were out in the woods by a pond, sitting on a tree branch, looking at the stars above and the fish below us.  His arm was around me and some cute stuff was being said and Cullen got this look in his eyes and he just went for it.  He touched my face and I freaked out.  I have no fucking _clue_ as to why I flipped my shit and all but sprinted back to his house after he tried.”

“And, let me guess, neither of you have even come _close_ to discussing this like proper, civil adults.”

“Of course not, Dareth, that would be ridiculous and probably solve our problem.”

“Oh, I know it would be, but I was just making sure.”

“But, yeah, it was bad.  He looked so…so damn defeated, Dareth.  Like I could see it in his eyes that he was sure that I wanted to kiss him back – and, Maker believe me, I would love nothing more than to kiss that boy silly – but I just couldn’t.  There was something last night that was stopping me from acting how I wanted.” 

“Were you scared?”

“I mean, maybe?  Why do you ask?”

“Jane, no offense, but think about the last couple boys that you’ve either dated or just simply hung out with.  One of them got pissed as shit when you wouldn’t do more than kiss him.  Another was such a bad kisser that you threatened to make out with _me_ to forget how bad it was.  Before that?  Before the really shitty kisser was Sam.”  Jane cringes at the name.  “Sam, the boy who told you that he was never going to hurt you and then broke your heart into a ton of itty bitty pieces that you’ve been picking up for a while now.”  Sighing, Dareth lies down next to Jane, facing her, making her look at him.  “And I’ve got a feeling that Cullen reminds you of Sam.  He has that same kind and warm smile and he seems fiercely protective of you.  That feeling makes me think that you’re scared to act on your feelings for Cullen because you’re afraid that he’ll leave you, just like Sam did.”

Before Jane can wipe at the few tears falling down her face, Dareth does it for her.  She thanks him quietly.

“Anyways, I think that’s what’s stopping you,” Dareth continues.  “But you’ve got to remember that not every boy is going to treat you exactly or even fucking _remotely_ the same as any other boy you’ve dated.  Cullen’s different from Sam or those other two dudes whose names I literally for the life of me cannot remember.”  He places a hand on Jane’s cheek and runs his thumb across it.  “Cheer up, buttercup,” he says with a smile.  “I understand if you can’t tell him about all of this immediately, but you should at least talk to him about this before Natalie’s bridal shower because I know he’s going with you and I really don’t want that to be a hella awkward experience for any of us.” 

“Wait, how do you already know he’s—”    

“Nat and Cressida are, like, best friends.  Of course I already know.”

“Oh, duh, of course.”  Jane purses her lips.  “I still don’t understand how they get along so well.  Nat’s a total bitch and, well, Cressida isn’t.”

“You and me both, Janie.”

They lie there like that for a while longer, each wrapped in their own thoughts.

Of course, silences like this cannot last forever.

Eventually, Josephine returns.  “Oh, hello, Dareth!” she says brightly as she enters the room, noticing the boy still lying on Jane’s bed.  “It’s good to see you!”  Then, she observes her roommate virtually buried under a mountain of blankets, nothing more than her face peeking through.  “Is everything all right, Jane?” she asks as she drops her bags onto her bed.

Jane sighs.  “Just boy trouble, you know?”

Josephine nods.  “Believe me, I understand the diplomacy required for interactions such as those.”

“That was such an elegant way to say it takes a lot to not fuck up simple conversations with the other gender,” Jane says.

With a laugh, Josephine replies, “I pride myself on being unnecessarily eloquent.  Having diplomats for parents surely helps in that matter.  They are quite well-versed.”

"I wish I could pretend to be able to speak even half as eloquently as you, Josie,” Jane says.  “It would make my life way easier.”  She draws out the ‘a’ in way. 

“The only reason I am even remotely good at talking to people is because I’ve been doing things like this my whole life, Jane,” she says.  “It’s just sort of second nature to me.”  She pauses, her lips pooching out to the side as she thinks.  “I can, at the very least, help you figure out what you would like to say to him, if you would like?  I know that Cullen is a pretty agreeable person.”

“What?” Jane all but shrieks.  “I, uh, I didn’t say his name,” she says, much calmer and quieter.

Josie casts a disapproving look at Jane.  “Do you really think I’m that stupid?” she asks.  “Remember the whole ‘my parents are diplomats’ thing I just mentioned?  That makes me good at more than just talking to people.  I have to be able to read reactions and understand the simplest body language of the people around me.  You might not have ever explicitly told me that you have the biggest crush ever in the entirety of Thedas on Cullen, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t noticed, Jane.”  She sighs as she unpacks her bags, neatly folding her clothing before placing it in her drawers.  “Anyways, I meant what I said.  If you want, you can talk to me about what you want to say to him before you do so, that way your thoughts aren’t as much of a jumbled mess as before.”

Sitting up, Jane stretches a little – lying down for such a long time would make anyone stiff – before nodding at her roommate.  “I think it would help,” she says.

“Do you want me to leave?” Dareth asks. 

"No, Maker, please don’t leave,” Jane says, a little too quickly.  “You help me sort through my thoughts all the time, and, hell, you know me better than I know myself, so if I forget something, you can always remind me.”

“All right,” Dareth says with a grin.  “I won’t leave you, best friend.”

Jane throws her arms around his shoulders and pulls him close.  “Yeah, you’d better not leave me.”

“Anyways,” Josie says (in a very diplomatic voice), “shall we get back to the matter at hand?  You know, the one where we help Jane figure out just exactly what the hell she is going to say to Cullen?”  Jane releases Dareth from her grasp and the two of them sit up a little straighter than normal, with a chorus of “yes ma’am!”  Josie laughs at their formality.  “Now, tell me _exactly_ what happened.”

And so Jane does.  She parrots back everything that has happened since the beginning of the semester (including the hookup) that she told Dareth to Josephine, Dareth filling in some small gaps when necessary.  When Jane relates the story of how she didn’t kiss Cullen, Josie purses her lips and nods.  Jane finishes her tale, looking at Josie expectantly once she finishes.

"Pardon my language here, but what the hell, Jane?”  She pauses, shaking her head.  “Sorry, that was rude of me,” she apologizes.  “But continuing, I see what you mean.  You do need to hold a serious conversation with him, but I do see how you could be easily intimidated by the whole affair.  You’re afraid of saying something wrong and screwing things up further, aren’t you?”  Jane nods in affirmation.  “Well, I can understand why.  You already feel like you took the poor boy’s heart and stomped on it, and you don’t want to make that any worse by tripping over your words and saying something you shouldn’t.”

“Yeah, basically.”  Jane sighs, rubbing the heels of her hands on her eyes.  “I want to tell him that I have a huge fucking crush on him but I just don’t know _how_ ,” she says, exasperated.  “Like, he’s so attractive and he’s so good to me and I know that he just wants me to be safe and happy, but I don’t know how to tell him that I want the same for him.  I want him to be happy with his cute and silly family.  I want to be able to snuggle with him every night, to feel his strong arms around me as he holds me close.  I want to be able to kiss him again and to actually be able to remember all of it, not just bits and pieces.”  She sighs.  “I just don’t know _how_ ,” she repeats. 

“And that’s what I’m here for,” Josie reminds her.  “You might think that what I’m about to say is a little trivial, but I think that you should just tell him everything you told me.”  Before Jane can interrupt, Josie holds up her hand, effectively cutting off and silencing the other girl.  “As I was saying, in matters such as this, it’s important to get your full point across, and I think that’s what you were doing just now.  If you leave out any of that emotion, Cullen won’t fully understand where you’re coming from or how you’re feeling.  You need to tell him that you remember having ‘crazy, hot sex with him,’ as you so articulately put it earlier, and how it made you feel.  You need to let him know that you still have feelings for him, even though you acted out of fear.  You _have_ to tell him that you’re scared that it’s going to end up the same way it did with Sam because that’s no fair to either of you.  Like Dareth said, Cullen isn’t Sam.  Cullen won’t treat you exactly the same way Sam did.  He needs to understand why you’re afraid of actually committing to him so that the two of you can work it out together.”

Jane glances at Dareth and sees him nodding.  “I think Josephine is right, Jane,” he says.  “Now that you’ve talked to both of us, you’ve got a better grip on the situation and your feelings, and I think that’s enough for you to go and speak to Cullen about the whole thing.  This isn’t something that you should keep putting off because we both know that Cullen is currently stewing in his and Dorian’s room, probably telling himself a bunch of negative things and talking himself out of thinking that you have feelings for him.  And I’m not saying that you should run to his room, dramatically throw open his door, and proclaim your undying love for him at this very second, but sooner rather than later is a good idea.  Maybe you can talk to him on the way from calculus to breakfast tomorrow, I don’t know.  But you need to do it soon.”

Jane bobs her head up and down, knowing that both of her friends are right.  “Yeah, I-I know, you guys.  I know.”  She sighs.  “I think I’ll try and bring it up tomorrow or sometime this week.”

“Good,” Josie and Dareth say simultaneously.

\---

“Should I just have not tried to kiss her?” Cullen asks Dorian.  Currently, Cullen is lying sprawled out on his bed, staring at the ceiling.  “It was just such a romantic place and I’d thought that’s what we’d been building up to all week.  I mean, we were sleeping in the same bed, we watched the fucking stars together, hell, I even kissed her head a couple times, and she never protested to any of those things.  Was I just reading too much into it?”

“No, I don’t really think you were,” Dorian drawls.  This is not the first time Cullen has asked that exact question or said those exact things since Dorian walked in the door, returning from his vacation.  He is sitting on his bed, computer pulled up as he does some last minute homework and listens to his roommate’s laments.  “But, like I said, have you actually tried talking to her about it?”  Cullen is silent.  “Exactly.  If you want this problem to be fixed, you’re going to _have_ to talk to her about it, Cullen, it’s really that simple.”

Cullen purses his lips.  “Yeah, I know, I know.  But what if it’s not that simple?  What if everything just isn’t magically fixed and I don’t whisk her away and there’s still more problems?”

“Then you just keep talking,” Dorian says.  “I know it’s not the same, but it took me and my dad so many fucking conversations before he even began to accept that I’m gay.  There was a lot of yelling involved, and it wasn’t the picture-perfect, ‘oh I love and accept you anyways’ sort of conversation that we all dream for.  Sometimes we hurt people or people hurt us and it’s hard to talk through or accept.  But you sound serious about Jane, and that helps.  I believe in your ability to just talk through everything with her and get your feelings out in the open.”  Dorian sighs.  “If one conversation doesn’t fix everything, just keep talking.  If you let what’s bothering you simmer away, nothing is going to get fixed.”

“I know, I know,” Cullen replies.  “I’ll do my best.”

“That’s what I like to hear.”

“Should I wait for her to say something?”

“Probably,” Dorian says with a shrug.  “We all know she’s a bit more skittish than you are in things like this, so it’s probably for the best if you wait for her.”

“Got it.” 

\---

It takes a couple days before Jane is able to broach the subject with Cullen.  They are heading from their 8 AM calculus to the cafeteria, just as they always do.  Their jokes and laughter are a little more forced than usual, the tension still obvious between them.  Finally, there is a lull in the conversation, and Jane simply says, “we need to talk.”

Now, Cullen really did have every intention of talking to Jane, of doing his best to communicate his feelings to her, of listening to her every word with dutiful attention, but, for some reason he’s unsure of, he just can’t.  All of the sudden, for no foreseeable reason, talking to Jane about his massive crush on her seems like the worst possible thing that could ever happen to him.  Instead of replying with the “yeah, we do” that he had been planning on, Cullen instead stammers out something about having to go, about having somewhere to be.  He picks up his pace, quickly leaving Jane behind, a confused expression on the poor girl’s face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that I'm updating a day late y'all!!!! this week was nuts because I was house sitting and left my computer at my house and then also I got sick and so I couldn't really work on this :( 
> 
> I know this chapter is basically just all conversation and I'm a tad sorry for that but it's all necessary stuff because talking out your feelings with other people is important! 
> 
> anywhoo I hope y'all enjoyed this chapter!! cullen's freak out will be explained later I promise :b
> 
> as always, I thrive off comments and kudos!!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so late I am the w o r s t

“He literally just said ‘I should go’ and left me in the dust,” Jane tells Dareth and Dorian as she lies on the extra bed in her best friend’s room.  Her mind has been connecting the dots on the popcorn ceiling, tracing new patterns as she explains the situation to the boys.  “And, of course, he’s been avoiding me like the Blight ever since!”  She sighs.  “I know, it-it was wrong of me to basically reject him without a reason, but I was seriously going to give him one.  He can’t expect me to react to every situation the same way he does, but at the same time I know I should have said something then.”  Another sigh, this one longer than the last.  “He still has to go to Nat’s bridal shower with all of us, so I’m just going to let the two of you train him for that and then we’ll go from there.”  Jane unlocks her phone, checking the time, before locking it again and dropping it back on her stomach.  “I’m gonna go hang out with Josie for a bit, okay?”

“You sure you don’t want any help?” Dareth asks.

Shrugging, Jane replies, “there’s not much that the two of you can do right now, other than listen to me complain.  But thanks for doing that.”

“Yeah, of course,” Dorian says.  “We should probably head back to my room, actually,” he says to Dareth.  “We both left our homework there.”

“You’re right,” Dareth agrees.  “You good to get back to your dorm and everything on your own?” he asks Jane. 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine, don’t worry,” she tells her best friend with a small smile on her face.  “But thanks for offering.”

“Always,” Dareth replies. 

With that, the three friends part ways, Jane returning to the quiet solitude of her dorm room and Dareth and Dorian to Dorian and Cullen’s room.  The boys open the door to find Cullen sitting up in bed, legs covered by a blanket, computer in his lap, textbook and notebook by his side.  His brows are knit together and he adjusts his glasses before looking up.

“Hey guys,” he says with a lopsided grin. 

Both of the other boys manage to smile back, but Dorian can feel the tension in Dareth.  The blonde is not pleased with Cullen’s actions.

“Hey, Cullen,” Dorian responds as he takes his intro to politics textbook out of his backpack and opens it to attempt his assigned reading.  “What are you working on?”

“I’m finishing up the last couple of chem problems that I have before taking a break.” 

“Cool.”

The next little while is filled with an awkward silence that does not go unnoticed by either party. 

Dorian side-eyes Cullen and notices the other boy fidgeting with his pencil, lips parting slightly before closing quickly.  He has something he wants to say.

Finally, eventually, Cullen starts a conversation.    

“Hey, uh, guys, can I talk to the two of you about something?” he asks as he closes his laptop and places it on his bedside table.

“You don’t have to beat around the bush,” Dareth replies before sighing.  “We know you want to talk about everything that’s been going on with Jane recently.”

“Well, uh, yeah.  You’re right, I do.”

“Then talk about it,” Dareth snaps.  “Sorry, that was rude of me.”  He takes in a deep breath, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose before letting it out.  “It’s just that it’s hard for me to see reason and not immediately take Jane’s side in something like this.”

“No, I-I get that,” Cullen says.  “Anyways, I’m assuming she’s told both of you what happened the other day?”

“Well, she talked to me about what to say to you,” Dareth says.

“And then she just told both of us how she was prepping herself to talk to you, finally tried, and you just did not let her get an actual word out about anything before running away,” Dorian continues.  “But, I will admit, it’ll be nice to hear your side of the story because right now you do not seem like the good guy.”

Cullen frowns.  “She did tell you that I tried to kiss her and she freaked out and then didn’t really speak to me for a couple days, right?”

“Yeah, but then she tried to talk to you about it and you didn’t,” Dorian says.  “Both of you are at fault here, but, currently, you’re more at fault for not talking about the situation and trying to make it better.”

“You have a point.”

“So, anyways, you were saying?” Dareth asks impatiently, eager to hear Cullen’s side of the story.

“I have to give a little bit of background before I can get into everything that’s going on with Jane right now.  That okay?”  Dareth and Dorian nod.  “Cool.”

Cullen breathes in deeply, steeling his nerves.  “My dad left when I was fifteen.  I’m not gonna get into the details, but let’s just say that it ended messily and was hard on my entire family.  My older sister kind of went off the deep end because she felt like she had failed at being the oldest child and protecting her younger siblings.  Bran and Rose just had to adjust to not having a dad and did pretty well, considering, because they relied on each other.  I, on the other hand, didn’t really have any of those luxuries.  I had to start helping Mom around the house more and taking care of Bran and Rose, doing things that Dad would normally have done that my mom just didn’t have time for.  So, I, uh, looked to get my frustrations out in, uh, other ways.”  Cullen’s face reddens significantly.  “Sure, Jane’s the first girl I’ve had actual sex with, but she’s not the first girl I’ve ever…done anything with.”  He buries his face in his hands, embarrassed.  “I did a lot of things with a lot of the girls at the sister school for my all boy’s high school,” he says, voice muffled.  “But, I just was never able to actually commit to any of them.  I was scared that they would out of the blue up and leave me for no reason and never come back, just like Dad.”  He pauses.  “What if something happened and I became my dad?” he finishes, voice quiet and small.  Uncovering his face, Cullen looks to Dareth and Dorian, his expression a mixture of fear and concern.  “I don’t want what happened to my mom to happen to any girl I’m with because no one deserves that.  Jane sure as hell doesn’t deserve that.”  He sighs.  “So, I-I’m afraid to talk to her because I’m afraid to commit to her.  Jane deserves to have someone who is one hundred percent committed to her.”

Dareth purses his lips and furrows his brow.  It’s not that he isn’t still upset with Cullen, it’s just more that he understands where the other boy is coming from.  “Well, if you talk to her, you can get this off your chest.  I can tell you that there’s also something weighing her down that she needs to tell you about.”

“So, the two of you should just sit down somewhere together and talk it out,” Dorian says.  “Preferably before Natalie’s bridal shower, of course.”

“That’s at the end of this week, too, by the way,” Dareth adds.  “So, there’s not really much time.  I know it would be better for both of you, but Dorian and I also have to coach you on how to fit in with the elite of Thedas.”  He pauses, chewing on his bottom lip as he chooses his words.  “The least we can do, I guess, is help you sort out your thoughts at least a little bit.  You said that you are scared to commit to her because you don’t want it ending poorly?”

Cullen nods.

“I understand that,” Dorian says, interrupting whatever Dareth was going to say.  “Dareth is the first person I’ve actually committed to in a while.”  He sighs, and it has a dramatic tone to it that the other boys don’t miss (leave it to Dorian to be theatrical about his problems at a time such as this).  “It’s hard, at first,” he continues.  “It’s weird to think that you’re good enough or comfortable enough with yourself to commit to someone fully.  You’re so used to not wanting to because what if you’re not good enough?  What if you fuck up everything and they want to leave?  But, you can’t let yourself be ruled by those what ifs.  It took me a while to realize that part of the reason I was so convinced that the guys I was seeing wouldn’t accept me for me was because _I_ still hadn’t accepted the fact that I’m gay.  I wasn’t comfortable with it, so I assumed they wouldn’t be either.  You have to get past that, though, Cullen.  I mean, no, you’re not gay, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t things about yourself that you don’t like or accept.  I think you’re obviously trying to get past this because you really do like Jane and want to treat her how she deserves, but that’s not going to happen overnight.  You can ask Dareth, there are times where I revert back to how I used to act—” Dareth nods, and Dorian shoots him a scowl “—but he’s here to help.  That’s part of the point of a relationship, you help each other.  Neither of you are baggage-free, but you’re here to help each other understand that your baggage is what makes you who you are, and that’s okay.”

Dareth smiles at Dorian, affection gleaming in his eyes.  “He’s right, you know.  But that’s something for the two of you to talk about.  Dorian and I have done all we can for both of you right now.  This is something that the two of you are going to need to sort out, sooner rather than later.” 

“Yeah, yeah I know,” Cullen says.  “On a different and less depressing note, Natalie’s bridal shower is this weekend.”

“I don’t know if I’d say that that’s less depressing,” Dareth jokes.  “As Jane has probably told you, Nat can be a huge bitch if things don’t go her way.”

“Well, she won’t be the first huge bitch I’ve ever dealt with,” Cullen says.  “But anyways, what did Jane mean when she said that they two of you have to train me for dealing with everything?”

“Cullen, no offense, but you’re a fucking hick,” Dorian says.  “You come from some backwater farm in the Fereldan countryside.  I doubt you’ve ever been to an actual fancy dinner in your life.  Sure, your mother didn’t raise you in a barn, and you have basic manners, but that doesn’t mean you’re in any way prepared for the high life of Thedas.  Do you even own a three-piece suit?”

“I, uh, own some khakis.”                                                                 

Dorian sighs and rubs his eyes.  “See what I mean?  You’re a disaster.”

Cullen reddens and squirms under Dorian’s appraising stare.  “I’m sorry,” he mumbles.

“Dorian didn’t mean it that way,” Dareth says, scrambling to recover for Dorian’s harsh words.  “Besides, he owns plenty of suits, and I’m sure you two are around the same size.  And, even if you’re not, three of your best friends are filthy stinking rich, so I don’t think you’ll have any trouble buying a suit.”

Cullen opens his mouth to protest the idea of his friends paying for expensive clothing, but he shuts up when Dareth raises a hand.  “If we split it three ways, it literally won’t make a dent in our wallets, okay?”

“Okay…”

“Besides, you’ll probably still be around for Natalie’s wedding, so you can just wear it to that as well,” Dareth quips (Cullen pales at the idea of a fancy wedding).  “Anyways, table manners are something that Dorian and I could teach an infant in our sleep, while that baby is also sleeping.  It’s not that hard.”  Dareth lifts his hands, holding them up with his palms facing Cullen.  He curls his fingers into an o shape and then lifts his pointer finger on each hand.  “Now, you do the same,” he tells Cullen.  Cullen does, confused as to what this has to do with basic etiquette.  “See how they make a b and a d?” Dareth asks.  Cullen nods.  “B is for bread and d is for drink.  So, your bread goes to your left and your drink goes to your right.”  Grinning, Dareth says, “see?  Easy peasy.”

“I feel like that’s something they teach you when you’re a kid,” Cullen remarks, suspicious.

Dareth shrugs.  “I did say I could teach this to babies, didn’t I?”  There is a mischievous glint in his eyes as he smirks.

Cullen scowls as Dareth continues to explain the basics of fine-dining to him.  It’s surprisingly easier than Cullen has previously imagined.  Apparently, the forks and spoons go in order – start on the outside with the first course and then work inwards.  It makes sense, he muses, that smaller forks would be used for smaller courses.  Everything else is basic, too.  Dareth stresses the fact that Cullen shouldn’t really speak until spoken to, and shouldn’t give more than sparse details and a friendly smile when asked questions.  “The people here aren’t really trying to get to know you,” Dareth says.  “They make small talk because it’s polite and because it’s what’s expected of them.”

Cullen purses his lips.  “That’s weird.”

“No, that’s normal,” Dorian says.  “Everyone smiles, but it never reaches their eyes.  They hold your hands in theirs as a sign of friendship, but there’s never any warmth in the gesture.  No one who is that high in the ranks wants to get to know the others.  There are a few exceptions, such as almost everyone our age, but all of our parents?  They don’t really care.”

"Don’t be so dramatic, Dorian,” Dareth says, sighing.  “It’s not as bad as he makes it out to be.  But, seriously, just stick with us and Jane and you’ll be fine.”

“Gotcha,” Cullen says with a nod.  “I think I can manage that.”

The rest of the week passes with Dareth and Dorian teaching Cullen more about how to behave in prim and proper social settings (Jane keeps mostly to herself, spending most of her time with Josie in their room).  Dareth even convinces Cullen to learn how to walk in a straight line, balancing a book on his head with perfect posture.  It goes about as well as everyone imagined it would, Dareth and Dorian laughing at Cullen’s frustration (“it’s just a book!  How does it manage to keep falling!”).  Cullen is not pleased when he learns that the other boys had him do that “for the memes,” as they so eloquently put it. 

Thursday, the only really free day the boys and Jane have before having to leave on Friday, is spent suit shopping.  Dareth all but drags Jane along because she will know exactly what Cullen needs for the bridal shower. 

So, that is how Jane ended up red-faced and stammering at the sight of Cullen in a well-tailored, three piece dark gray suit with a black tie and shoes to match.

“Stand up straight,” Dareth instructs Cullen.

Scowling, Cullen removes his hands from his pockets and rolls his shoulders back. 

Jane thinks that simple action makes him look much better in that suit.

“Does it look all right?” Cullen asks.

“I mean, I’d fuck you,” Dorian comments, eyes glued to his phone and a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“Uh, thanks, I guess,” Cullen says.

“I think it looks perfect,” Dareth says.  “Jane?”

All three of the boys turn their eyes to Jane.  It makes sense, after all, that her opinion would be the most important.  It is her sister who they’re trying to impress.

“It’s exactly what you need,” she says, trying not to let her voice tremble.  “Nat and the rest of my family won’t think you look like a hillbilly, so I think it’s doing its job.”

"Great!” Dareth says, excited.  “Now, go put your regular clothes back on and let us take care of the rest.”

Cullen still isn’t completely pleased with the idea of his friends paying for the suit, even if they insist on it being an early birthday present, or that since his friends are rich he’ll need one anyways.  But, he relents because he knows that they just want to help.  However, he was adamant about buying his own plane ticket. 

The next day, the four of them scramble from their classes to the airport to make their flight on time.  They actually make it in plenty of time, which results in them having to laze around outside their gate for an hour. 

“And the three of you wanted to rush,” Dorian gripes.  “Now I’m stuck in these uncomfortable chairs for even longer.”

“Oh, put a sock in it, you’ll sleep on the flight,” Dareth says, effectively shutting Dorian up.

Finally, they are able to board their flight.  Dareth and Jane sit on one side of the two-person row, Dorian and Cullen on the other.  As his boyfriend predicted, Dorian quickly falls asleep, his face smushed against the window. 

Cullen doesn’t sleep, as this is his first time flying.  To keep himself calm, in his head the boy recites the math and physics formulas required to make the plane fly.  It works, for the most part.

Jane and Dareth make small talk most of the time, voices soft to keep from disturbing the other people on their flight.  They also use that to their advantage; Dareth coaches Jane as to how best discuss her feelings with Cullen.

The plane lands and Cullen shakes Dorian’s arm to wake him up.  Dorian grumbles to himself about being rudely awoken, but Cullen thinks nothing of it.

Once they’ve exited the plane and found their baggage, Jane takes the lead.  “Follow me,” she tells the boys (they form a line behind her, each holding on to the person in front of them).  She is obviously searching for someone, her head turning from side to side, neck craning to see over the people obscuring her view.  “There he is!” she says finally, a grin on her lips as she approaches a man who, to Cullen anyways, looks like a stereotypical butler.  “Hey, Jeff,” she says.  “It’s nice to see you.”

“It’s lovely, as always, to see you as well, Miss Trevelyan.”  He nods to Dareth and Dorian.  “Mr. Lavellan, Mr. Pavus.”

“There’s no need to be so formal, Jeff,” she says with a laugh.  “The new kid doesn’t care.”

“Oh, thank goodness,” Jeff says.  “In that case, carry your own bags to the car.”

Jane frowns.  “I guess I had that coming, didn’t I?”  But she doesn’t complain as the four of them lug their bags to the car that is waiting out front for them.  “How have you been?” she asks Jeff as she and her friends pile into the backseat of the car. 

“Relatively well, considering,” he says as he begins the drive to the Trevelyan estate.  “Your sister has been a lot to handle recently, what with all the people coming and going from the house to deal with wedding preparations.”  He sighs.  “Thankfully, though, everyone will be home this weekend so it gives your parents a break from her tirades.”

“Sounds just like Nat,” Jane says.

“Who’s the new friend that you have yet to introduce, Jane?”

Jane stiffens.  “This is, um, my friend Cullen.  He’s here because he’s the one who invited me to his house for break and Mom told me to bring him to this as a thank you.”

“Ah, yes, I do remember her mentioning that now.  It’s good to meet you, Cullen.”

“Likewise.”

The rest of the drive passes in relative silence, broken only by Jeff asking questions to each of the others.

They turn into the type of neighborhood that Cullen never thought he would be able to see up close.  There’s a guard in a gatehouse that merely nods to Jeff before letting the car through.  The houses they pass are enormous and Cullen is sure that his entire extended family could live comfortably in just one of them.  They drive through the neighborhood, finally stopping at a house that Cullen can only assume is the Trevelyan manor.

“Holy shit,” he swears quietly (the others laugh).  “That’s huge.”

"I mean, it’s only got ten bedrooms and bathrooms, not counting the master, and four floors,” Jane says, shrugging.  “There are some houses here that are _w_ _ay_ more ostentatious than ours.”

“Yeah, that might be true, but it’s still, like, four times the size of my house at least.”

“It’s twice the size of mine,” Dareth tells Cullen with a grin.

“Mine is about the same size,” Dorian says.

“You’re an only child,” Cullen replies, mouth agape.  “What do you do with all that room?”

“He has a point.  We at least use, like, half of the bedrooms when everyone is home,” Jane says.  “Mom throws the annual hospital get together here every year, anyways, so a couple of the rooms are designed for entertainment like that on a large scale.”

“Is anyone home yet?” Dareth asks as they make their way from the car to the house. 

“Yeah, everyone’s probably just finishing up from supper, given the time,” Jane says.  “There’s probably leftovers, and, if not, I’m sure we have the stuff to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.” 

Jeff is, somehow, inside the house before the four college students.  He holds the door open for them.  “I already announced that you and your friends are here,” he whispers to Jane as she passes.

Jane nods, bracing herself as she walks down the front hallway. 

They turn the corner and enter the front room, a large, open room with a huge staircase accompanied by a winding bannister.  There is a group of people present that Cullen can only assume consists of Jane’s parents and siblings.  There are two boys, a few years older than Cullen and company, a girl, and two adults.  Cullen understands what Jane meant when she described her family to him.  Natalie is the perfect mix of her parents, inheriting only the best physical qualities from both of them – large, wide eyes that are a warm shade of blue, the same wavy reddish brown hair as Jane, a tall and slim figure.  Daniel and Jonny look just like their mother, with the exception of the straight nose they inherited from their father.  Jane is almost the spitting image of her father, though Cullen would argue that her green eyes are warmer and more inviting than those of her dad.  Each member of the family carries themselves with an air of power and confidence that Cullen sees in Jane when she is determined.

Her mother is the first to notice the group.  “Jane!” she says warmly, her eyes brightening at the sight of her youngest daughter.  “It’s good to see you.”  She envelopes Jane in a warm hug that causes the girl to squirm slightly.  Jane’s mother greets Dareth and Dorian cordially before turning to Cullen.  “And I believe you’re the young man I have to thank for ensuring my daughter wasn’t trapped at school for an entire week all alone?  I’m Emily, but you can call me whatever you’re comfortable with.”

Cullen blushes, his hand moving to nervously rub the back of his neck.  “Yes, ma’am, that was me; it’s nice to meet you.”

Jane’s father speaks next.  “It’s good to see that all of you have arrived safely.  Jefferey here can ensure that your bags make it safely to your rooms.”

“Thank you, Mr. Trevelyan,” Dareth says. 

Jane’s parents excuse themselves from the room (something about work to take care of), leaving Jane and her friends with her siblings. 

“It’s good to see you again, Janie,” Daniel tells her and he grabs her and pulls her into a bear hug.  “I’ve missed you, squirt.”

Jonny hugs her next, but it’s not nearly as intense as the one Daniel gave her.  “Figured I’d give you a break from being squeezed to death,” he jokes. 

Jane turns to Natalie.  “Hi, Nat,” she says timidly.

“Hello, Jane,” her older sister replies, not extending her arms for a hug and her expression critical.  “I’m sure I’ll see more of you and your friends tomorrow.”  Natalie turns on her heel before stalking up the staircase.

Jane’s appearance darkens once her sister is out of view. 

“She’ll come around, Janie,” Daniel says.  “Absence makes the heart grow weak or something, right?”

“Yeah, I guess,” Jane mutters.  Shaking her head, she sighs.  “But whatever.  Who cares, right?  I’m gonna show the boys here to their rooms, if that’s okay,” she tells her brothers.  “I’m assuming Jeff put their bags on my floor.”  She turns to Dareth and Dorian.  “You two plan on sleeping in the same room?  Mom and Dad would never say anything about it for the sake of appearances in front of our guest,” she says, gesturing to Cullen. 

"I mean, if I’m not going to get in trouble I’m all for snuggling,” Dareth replies. 

“Cool, then that means that we’ll all be able to sleep on my hallway.”  Jane starts up the stairs, motioning for the boys to follow her.  “My hallway is on the top floor,” she explains, mainly to Dorian and Cullen.  “Three of the bedrooms are on it, and there’s a nice living area that I converted into a study slash book nook area when I was in high school.”

They climb the stairs as Jane tells them the basic layout of her portion of the house.  There’s two bathrooms on the hall, and one off the living room.  She tells the boys that they can all share one, but it shouldn’t be a problem seeing as they’re only staying for a couple days.  When they reach the hallway, they notice that their bags are all outside their respective rooms – it would seem that Jeff even knew to place Dareth and Dorian’s together. 

“Well, we’ve got a big day ahead of us,” Jane says, stifling a yawn.  “I’ll see you three in the morning.”  With that, she picks her bags off the ground and closes the door to her room behind her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I was late this week too!!!! my personal life has just been kind of *high-pitched yelling* and so writing this fanfic has been the last thing on my mind :/
> 
> it also doesn't help that my beta is currently in disney world and so she only read like half of this soooooooo


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look I actually got this one out on time this week

The next morning is a blur for everyone involved.  Jane promptly wakes Cullen, Dareth, and Dorian at six in the morning, much to the boy’s dismay.  She has already showered by the time she knocks on their doors, encouraging them to do the same before they help her family set up for the shower. 

“We’ve got a busy day today, you three!” she tells them cheerily as they slowly but surely leave their rooms and enter the hallway.  “The shower starts at eleven on the dot, and that’s only five hours away!  We have to ensure that everything is perfect for Nat before all of her guests arrive.  Cressida and Birora will be getting here an hour or so early to help with any last minute preparations, as will Nat’s other best friend Cassandra.”  Hands on her hips, Jane surveys the boys.  Shaking her head, she says, “look lively, boys!  I need all of you in tip-top shape for today.  Meet back out here at 6:45.  That gives all of you plenty of time to shower and get dressed.”

With that, Jane turns on her heel and returns to her room, probably to take the towel out of her hair.  Dareth, who is more alert than his companions, claims the bathroom off the living room, saying that it’s nicer than the other two.  Cullen and Dorian follow suit, occupying the two bathrooms on the hall for their showers. 

At 6:45 on the dot, the three boys walk out of their respective rooms to find Jane already in the hallway, clearly waiting for them. 

Cullen’s eyes widen, and he feels a blush warm his cheeks as he takes in Jane’s appearance. 

Her short brown hair is redder than usual, and there’s a braid that’s leading to a bun that the rest of her hair is pulled into.  Her shoulders are mostly bare and he can see all those lovely, lovely freckles.  The dress she has on is simple but elegant.  There are thin straps that cover her shoulders and connect into a scoop neck at her collarbones.  There is a bit of elastic that cinches her waist and then the dress falls in an A-line fashion before stopping just above her knees.  The dress itself is a dark green color that matches her eyes perfectly, and makes her freckles stand out in just the right way.  She has just the tiniest bit of makeup on – small wings on her eyeliner, some mascara to make her eyelashes stand out, and a dark reddish brown lipstick.  She smiles as she notices the boys all dressed up, her eyes lingering on Cullen just a little longer than proper (his blush darkens).

Dareth has on light grey suit pants and a light blue shirt and a striped tie, an outfit Jane has seen him in before.  Dorian, of course, is the pinnacle of fashion in his black pants, white shirt (with the sleeves rolled up to just above his elbow), patterned bow tie, and suspenders.  Cullen is wearing the dark grey suit pants they just bought him, paired with a royal blue shirt and a grey skinny tie. 

“All of you look perfect,” she tells them in a voice that is much too chipper for this early in the morning.  “Now, come on, follow me downstairs.  I’m sure that there’s plenty for us to do.”

And there is plenty, surprisingly enough to the boys, despite Jane’s information.  Mrs. Trevelyan quickly puts them to work hanging decorations in one of the sitting rooms and along the porch that is connected to it. Jane spends her time in the kitchen, assisting the cooks in whatever way she can, be it cleaning or baking (and, somehow, her dress remains absolutely spotless). 

By the time Cressida, Birora, and Cassandra arrive, there is almost nothing left for them to do.  The youngest Lavellan bounds over to her brother, hazel eyes bright and excited as she gives him a hug.  Dareth laughs and returns her hug, squishing his little sister against his chest. 

“Where is he?” Birora asks as she pushes Dareth back, head whipping from side to side as she eagerly looks for Dorian.  “I wanna meet this boy,” she says, stomping her foot on the floor and crossing her arms.

“Just a second,” Dareth says, laughing.  He sticks his head out the door to the back porch and calls Dorian’s name.  He pauses as he listens to Dorian’s response before bringing his attention back to his little sister.  “He’ll be inside in a minute.”

“Good!  Because it’s no fair that Cressida has already gotten to meet him and I haven’t.”

“Well, Cress does live five minutes away from me at school, and you live here,” Dareth says. 

Pouting, Birora replies, “yeah, but you totally could have brought him home or something.”

“I mean, sure, I could have, but I didn’t.”

Before Birora can think of some snappy response, Dorian walks inside from the yard, and Birora’s eyes widen.  Dorian stiffens at the sight of the youngest Lavellan.  “Hello,” he greets her uneasily.

“Hi!” Birora responds excitedly, bouncing on her toes.  “I’m Birora, Dareth’s younger sister.”  She extends her hand for a handshake that Dorian returns.  “It’s nice to meet you!”  Turning to Dareth, she says, “he sure is cute, big brother.”  With that and a bright smile, she skips away, off to find Cressida, Natalie, and Cassandra.

Dorian shifts his attention to Dareth, who is looking back at him with a sheepish grin.  “She’s an easily thrilled kid.  She’s also been bugging me for months about meeting you, so honestly that could have gone a lot worse.” 

“I suppose so,” Dorian quips.

“I know, I know, you and kids don’t get along so well,” Dareth says, throwing an arm around Dorian’s shoulder before placing a chaste kiss to his cheek.  “But she’s a good kid, and I know that she’s gonna like you a lot.  Just be nice to her, okay?”

"All right, all right,” Dorian replies, ducking out from under Dareth’s arm and stepping back.  “I wouldn’t purposefully be mean to your younger sister, you know that.”

“I know,” Dareth says as he turns just as quickly as Dorian and wraps his arms around his boyfriend, holding him securely.  After another kiss to Dorian’s cheek, Dareth grins.  “Now, come on, let’s go see what else we need to do before other guests start arriving.”

As those two boys leave, another walks in from the back porch, using the back of his hand to wipe a few beads of sweat from his forehead.

Jane’s eyebrows arch as she notices Cullen has followed Dorian’s examples and rolled his sleeves up to just above his elbows. 

Not that she’s complaining, or anything. 

Cullen’s cheeks darken when he realizes that he is commanding Jane’s attention.  “Is there, uh, anything else that I can help you with?”

“I, uh, think that it’s probably about time to get the table ready for some of the food,” Jane says, blushing as she recognizes her inappropriate behavior.  Well, inappropriate to some.

Pushing aside any imprudent thoughts, Jane motions for Cullen to follow her, and she leads him through the house to the kitchens.  She greets the head chef with a bright smile and asks if there’s anything that she and Cullen can do.  The chef steers Jane and Cullen towards some already plated food, and thanks them for all their help.  The pair gathers as many plates and bowls as they feel comfortable carrying, before carefully beginning their trip back to the front room.  They repeat this a few times, finally bringing all the food from the kitchens to the table. 

Jane holds her hand up for a high five, staring expectantly at Cullen to return her gesture, which he does. 

“Thanks for all your help, again,” she tells him.  “I know it means a lot to my family to have a few extra hands helping out around the house.  My parents take entertaining guests very seriously, and so I know they like for everything to be perfect.”

“Yeah, of course,” Cullen says, rubbing the back of his neck.  “There’s really no need to thank me, though.  I’m always willing to help out my friends.”

Jane smiles and it softens her face – the worry that had been previously present is replaced with affection that Cullen can feel is directed at him. 

He smiles back.

“When, uh, when everybody starts to get here, don’t feel like you have to go and mingle with people.  It’s totally okay if you spend the time with me or with Dareth and Dorian.  Mom and Dad know you don’t know that many people, so there’s no pressure on you.”

“I think I can manage that,” Cullen replies, extending his arm to her.  Jane giggles as she slips her arms through his, reassured by this simple action.

Soon enough, all the guests begin to arrive for the shower.  Jane stands by the door with Natalie and their other siblings (Cullen, Dareth, and Dorian have claimed a spot by the food), warmly welcoming everyone to the house and bridal shower.  Most of the guests are Natalie’s high school and college friends, but there are also plenty of family members and people who have known the Trevelyans for quite a while.  Cassandra’s mother arrives with Mrs. Lavellan, and they congratulate Natalie, reminiscing on when she and their daughters used to play together every day.  The two ladies also smother Jane in a huge hug, commenting on how nice she looks.  The girl thanks them before directing Mrs. Lavellan in the direction of her step-son.  

Eventually, all the guests situate themselves in the front sitting room or the porch, small plates of food in their laps and small conversations between them.  Natalie has settled herself – along with her bridesmaids Cressida, Cassandra, and Jane – by a table that is overflowing with presents.  She calmly but confidently calls the attention of everyone in the room (and those on the porch), smiling prettily at them before declaring that she was going to begin opening all the lovely gifts people had brought her, as she put it.

Jane takes note of everything that Nat receives and who gave it to her, writing them down in a notebook as they go to make writing thank you notes easier.  Natalie sweetly thanks each person for each present, and Jane is sure that her sister’s face must feel like falling off with all the smiling she’s been doing. 

Finally, all the presents have been opened and Jane is sure that Natalie cannot thank anyone else.  The guests fall back into their small talk from before, allowing the hosts and hostesses a few moments’ reprieve. 

Jane and her siblings lounge at the snack table, discussing how everything has been going so far.

“I think this has been a success,” Jane says before stuffing a mini bacon and spinach (her two favorite foods) quiche in her mouth.

“I’m with Jane on this one,” Daniel says.  “Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves and none of our aunts have gotten snippy with each other yet.”

“Thank the Maker that hasn’t happened,” Jane agrees. 

“And, let’s be honest, Nat here got a fucking hella haul,” Jonny says.  “I don’t think she’ll need to buy any kitchen appliances other than, like, a fridge or something.  She also won’t need any towels or, hell, anything, really.  You seriously lucked out here, sis.”

Nat smiles smugly.  “I knew exactly what I wanted,” she says.  “There’s no reason that all of our lovely guests here wouldn’t deliver.”

It takes all of Jane’s willpower not to roll her eyes.

“Well, there’s still a couple hours left,” Daniel says.  “We should probably let our lovely bride-to-be return to her guests and shower them with her thanks.”

“I suppose that I should get back to that, shouldn’t I?”  Nat sighs, and her mouth twists into a scowl for a brief second before straightening out again.  “Alas, a hostess’ work is never done.”  With a smile and a waggle of her fingers, she leaves her siblings at the table, striking up a conversation with one of the various Trevelyan aunts present. 

“There are so many people here,” Jane laments softly so that only her brothers can hear her.  “I’m just getting tired of smiling,” she adds quickly after her brothers both shoot her disapproving looks.  “My cheeks hurt.”

“Oh, come off it, Janie,” Jonny tells her.  “You’ll be fine.  If Daniel and I can manage to smile for this long, there’s literally no reason why you can’t.”

Jane scrunches her nose and sticks her tongue out at her brother.  “I guess you have a point,” she says, conceding defeat.  Her eyes dart around the room as she hunts for Cullen, Dareth, and Dorian.  After a few seconds of searching, she sees them seated on and around a couch, joined by Cassandra and the two Lavellan sisters.  “I think I’m gonna leave the two of you here for a bit,” she tells her brothers.

“Not so fast, Little Miss,” Daniel says, grabbing his baby sister by the arm and effectively stopping her escape.  “Jonathan and I here have a couple questions for you.”

Cringing, Jane turns around.  “Uh, what would those, um, questions be?” she asks timidly. 

“Who’s that hot piece of man you brought home with you?” Jonny asks, getting straight to the point.  “Not Dareth’s boyfriend Dorian, we know him, but the other one.  Never seen him before.”  Jonny pauses.  “You said he’s the boy you went home with for break?”  He waggles his eyebrows suggestively as his little sister, causing her face to turn cherry red.

“Give her a break,” Daniel says, lightly slapping Jonny on the arm.  “But, seriously, who is he Jane?”

Jane feels her face grow hotter with every passing second.  “He’s, um, a friend.”

“Friends don’t garner that amount of blushing,” Jonny comments.

“Well, we aren’t dating, so friend is an apt description,” she says defensively, crossing her arms and almost curling up into herself.  “I-I don’t know what to call him,” she mumbles.  “I guess we’re friends.”

Daniel shoves Jonny away – much to his younger brother’s protests – before lifting Jane’s head with a hand beneath her chin.  “It’s okay, Janie,” he says.  “I’m not gonna pressure you to answer or anything.  I’m sorry Jonny was being a dick just now.”

“It’s okay.”

“Is it?”

“It has to be,” Jane says firmly, meeting her oldest brother’s eyes. 

“Okay,” Daniel says, smiling.  “Now, really, do you like him?”

The blush and heat return to Jane’s face.

“That’s a good enough answer for me,” Daniel says.  “You never have been good at hiding your emotions.  Good to see at least one thing hasn’t changed since you went off to college.”  Daniel kisses Jane on the cheek before resting a hand on her shoulder and giving it a gentle squeeze.  “You got this, kid.”  With that, he returns to mingling with the rest of the party guests.

Taking a deep breath so as to compose herself, Jane makes her way over to where her friends are sitting.  “Hi guys,” she greets them, grinning self-consciously.

Cassandra stands before anyone else can say anything, and gives Jane a hug and a bright smile.  “It’s good to see you, Jane!” 

“You too, Cass,” she says.  “I like what you’ve done with your hair, too.”

Cassandra blushes as she tugs at a couple dark strands.  “Really?”

“Yeah!  The short hair look is so cute on you, and I love the braid that you’ve got going on as well.”

“Well, it’s good to know that _someone_ appreciates it,” she says.  “Varric was absolutely horrified when I first came home with it all chopped off.  It took a little bit of convincing, but I think he’s finally come around.”

“That’s good to hear,” Jane says with a laugh as she sits on the couch next to Cullen.  “Have the rest of you been having a good time?”

Birora nods eagerly and speaks up before the boys or her sister can.  “Yeah!  This is the first time I’ve been to a bridal shower, and I can say that I can’t wait until I have one of these.”

“I have to have one first,” Cressida says, running a hand through her little sister’s hair.

“You also have to get engaged first,” Birora says.  “So tell Solas to get on it.”

Cressida blanches. 

“Wrecked by your own little sister,” Dorian says.  “That’s rough, buddy.”  He offers Cressida a sympathetic look, but she just rolls her eyes.

“It’s nothing I’m not used to at this point.”

Cullen watches as the rest of the people surrounding him joke and laugh with each other, chiming in a few times on his own.  Jane notices his slight unease in the situation and slides her hand under his that is resting on the couch, giving him something to grip.  He gives her hand a small squeeze and hopes that no one sees this act of affection between them. 

            As the afternoon wears on, the shower guests slowly but surely take their leave of the family, once again congratulating Natalie on her impending marriage and wishing her and her future husband all the best.  Finally, Natalie all but shoves Cassandra, Cressida, and Birora out the door, assuring them multiple times that there isn’t anything else they can do to help, and the family (plus Dareth, Dorian, and Cullen) are left in peace. 

“We’ll take care of everything, Nat,” Jane says.  “You and Mom worry about sorting through all your presents and leave us to the cleanup.”

Maybe because it’s been a long day, or maybe because she’s being genuine, Natalie smiles at her little sister.  “Thanks for all your help, Jane,” Natalie says, taking her sister’s hands in her own and squeezing them.

“Yeah, o-of course,” Jane stammers. 

Nat turns on her heel and leaves her siblings, Dareth, Dorian, and Cullen to clean up. 

“We’ll take care of everything outdoors,” Jane says to her brothers.  “You two can help dad in here, but we can handle the porch.”

“Sure thing, squirt,” Daniel says, throwing an arm around Jane’s shoulders and yanking her close.  He kisses the top of her head.  “Have fun out there.”

Grumbling, Jane worms out of her brother’s grasp and shoves him away.  “Get going,” she fusses.  “All right, boys,” she says, turning to Cullen, Dareth, and Dorian.  “Let’s head outside and see what we need to do there.”

The boys follow her out onto the porch, laughing amongst themselves about something that Jane doesn’t bother to pay attention to.  Once outside, the four friends set to work taking down the hanging lights and picking up the few plates that were accidentally forgotten.  When they finish, they choose to lounge around the various benches and seats on the covered porch, discussing the shower and whether or not it was a success.

“Considering how Nat could have acted afterwards?  This shower was, like, the biggest success our family has ever had,” Jane says.

“Yeah, and she got a _ton_ of nice stuff,” Dareth replies from his position where he is sprawled across Dorian. 

“I think she got more dishes as presents today than my family has in our entire house,” Cullen says.  “Like, there were just so many plates.”

The others laugh.

“What?” Cullen asks, blush forming on his face.

“Oh, it’s nothing,” Jane says through her laughter.  “It’s just that sometimes we forget that you don’t have eight sets of dishes lying around your house for absolutely no reason other than they were presents and, maybe, one day you’ll use them.”

“I see,” Cullen says, lips pursing.

 “Come off it,” Dorian tells him.  “We don’t mean anything by it, okay?  It’s just strange to us.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

Dareth nudges Dorian.  “I think we’re gonna go inside,” the blonde tells the other two occupants of the porch.  “I’m not sure about the two of you, but I’m tired, and I want some snuggles.”  Dareth takes Dorian’s hand and all but yanks the other boy off his seat.  The couple goes indoors, effectively leaving Jane and Cullen on the porch swing.

After a few moments of awkward silence, Cullen goes to stand, saying, “well, I, uh, think I’m gonna head inside.”

“Wait!” Jane blurts.  “I mean, no, wait, please don’t go inside just yet.”

“Okay,” Cullen says slowly as he sits back down on the swing, causing it to gradually rock back and forth.  “What’s up?”

Jane stares at her hands in her lap, twiddling her thumbs together.  She opens and closes her mouth a number of times, brain stumbling over her words. 

“Jane?” Cullen asks softly.  “Jane, what’s up?”

“Why didn’t you talk to me the other day?” she whispers.

“What?”

“The other day, when I tried to talk to you about what happened at your house on the tree branch by the pond?  Why did you run away?”  She looks up and brings her tear-rimmed eyes to his.  “What did I do wrong?”

Cullen’s heart melts.  “Oh, Jane, no,” he says, placing a hand against her cheek and wiping away a tear.  “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Really?  Can you really say that?  Of course I did,” she says, averting her eyes.  “I didn’t kiss you back.”

“Well, I didn’t exactly ask you if it was okay for me to kiss you, did I?” he counters, lifting her face to bring her eyes back to his.  “I only assumed that you wanted it as much as I did, didn’t I?”

“Well, um, yeah,” Jane says.  “I guess that makes sense.”  She takes a shaky breath before gently brushing away his hand and rubbing at her eyes.  “I-I owe it to you, though, y’know?  I owe it to you as to why I was too afraid to kiss you back then.”

“Take your time, Jane.  Tell me when you’re ready.”  He places a hand between her shoulder blades and rubs circles on her back.

She nods.  She lifts her eyes to the sky, watching the sun dip below the trees.  After a few moments of steady breathing, Jane begins.  “I had this boyfriend in high school.  His name was Sam.  We started dating at the end of our sophomore year and stayed together almost halfway through senior year.  At the time, I really thought that he was the best thing that had ever happened to me.  He-he made me so _happy_ , doing silly little things for me, like buying me chocolate whenever I was sad about anything, and sending me dumb little texts about how much he loved me.  He told me th-that he always wanted to be together.”  She sighs, shaking her head.  “He always told me that it was okay that I didn’t want to have sex with him while we were in high school, and I believed him.  He’d always stop if I thought he was getting too handsy, and would apologize every time.  But, eventually, I don’t know, he started getting annoyed when I’d ask him to stop.  He never did anything he wasn’t supposed to,” she adds hastily, seeing the mixture of anger and worry on Cullen’s face.  “Anyways, one day, when I pushed him away, he told me he was tired of it.  He was tired of how much of a fucking prude I was, as he put it.  He said that-that if I _really_ loved him, I’d let him show me how much he loved me.  I responded with something along the lines if he really loved me, he wouldn’t push me to do things I didn’t want to do.  There was some more arguing, but, in the end, he walked out.  He said that I just…wasn’t worth it anymore.”  A few more tears fall and she wipes them away quickly, taking a deep breath before continuing.  “I tried to at least talk to a couple boys after him, but they just weren’t that great.  One stopped talking to me after the first time I told him I wouldn’t have sex with him, and another was a terrible kisser, so I had to put an end to that.”  She grins sheepishly at her own joke. 

“Wow,” Cullen says.

“I wasn’t done yet,” Jane scolds him.  “Anyways, you just, sort of, remind me of Sam, sometimes.  A-and I know that you two aren’t the same person, but it was still a little scary.  I-I know I shouldn’t have run away when you tried to kiss me, but I was just panicking.  I didn’t know what to do because I was afraid that this would end up like Sam.”  She sighs.  “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Cullen says, hand on her back moving around to her arm to pull her close.  “I understand what you mean.”

“You do?”

“Of course.  Sometimes it’s hard to adjust and we get scared of things that are new.  It happens.  I mean, yeah, it still sucked, but it happens.”  He sighs.  “Now, uh, it’s my turn.”

“Your turn?”

“Yeah, I, uh, owe you an explanation as for why I didn’t want to talk to you the other day.”

“Oh, yeah, that.”

“I mean, part of it was that I was still kind of mad at you for skipping out on me earlier, and I, uh, kind of wanted you to feel how I had felt when you ran from me.”  His lips are pursed into a thin line.  “I-I know that wasn’t really the best reaction, but it’s the truth.” 

“Oh.”

“I know, and I’m sorry.  But, I promise that there was another reason, too.”

 “What was it?”

“It sort of stems from how my dad left us when I was fifteen.  Basically, it boils down to Mia going off the deep end and trying to smother us in sisterly protection and advice, and the fact that Bran and Rose had each other to rely on.  I didn’t feel like I could burden Mom with my problems, so I, uh, took them out in other ways.”

“Other ways?”           

“Don’t, uh, don’t judge me, okay?”

“I would never.”

“I hooked up with a lot of girls.  Like, a lot.  I didn’t, like, have actual sex with any of them, but we sure did fool around a lot.”  Cullen blushes, chagrined at the fact that he is confessing all this to Jane, who just told him that she lost multiple boys because she wouldn’t have sex with them.  “The only thing is that I never committed to any of them.  Some of them were okay with it, but a few would try texting me and getting me to go out on a date with them.  For some reason, I just couldn’t.  I know now what that reason was.  I was scared.”  He laughs, but there is no humor in it.  “I was scared that they would leave me the way that my dad left my mom.  I was scared that something would happen and I would turn into my dad, that I might hurt them the way he hurt my family.  And, Maker, no one deserves that, Jane.  No one deserves to be that confused and in pain.  That’s why I didn’t talk to you that day.  I was still afraid to commit to you then.”

“Was?”

“Well, I talked to some people who sort of opened my eyes, per se, as to why I shouldn’t be.”

“Let me guess, Dareth and Dorian gave you a stern talking-to?”

“Something like that,” Cullen replies with a chuckle.  “But they also said something that stuck with me.  Dorian said that our baggage makes us who we are, and that part of a relationship is helping each other realize that our baggage isn’t all that bad.  And, you know what?  He’s right.  Sure, there are some days where I believe that you deserve someone _way_ better and less damaged than me, but then I remember how much you mean to me, and how much I’m willing to work towards being the best I can be for you.”

Jane has tears in her eyes again, but they are not the sad kind.  “Yeah?” she says quietly.

“Yeah,” Cullen replies. 

His arm is still around her shoulders and her bright green eyes are staring deeply into his.  Their faces, once again, are so close.  He brushes a few loose strands of hair behind her ear.

“I-I’m going to kiss you, now,” Cullen says softly.  “If it’s not okay, tell me and I’ll stop.”

Jane doesn’t say a word.

Cullen lifts her chin and brings her mouth to his, brings her lips to his, joining them together in a soft kiss. 

It is perfect.

Her lips mold to his and he feels her relax against him. 

He breaks the kiss soon after is starts, opening his eyes to look at Jane, to ask if that was okay, but she grabs his tie and tugs him back, bringing their lips together again.

It starts out simple and innocent, just two people trying to get a feel for each other with slow and careful kisses.  But then, as with most kisses, it grows into something more.

Cullen pulls Jane close, wrapping his other arm around her and pulling her into his lap.  She sighs into their kiss and he smiles.  While she tangles her hands in his hair, one of his hands roams along her arms, back, stomach.  He frowns as he remembers that she is still in her nice dress and he can’t slip a hand beneath her shirt and feel the smooth skin there. 

“Is something wrong?” she asks between kisses.

“Nope.”

“Okay.”

His wandering hand lands on her knee, and – before he realizes – slips up her skirt and reaches her upper thigh before her eyes shoot open and she stops the kiss.

"Whoa there, bud,” Jane says, forehead still pressed to Cullen’s, lips still brushing his as they form her words.

“Sorry,” he says.  “Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry—” he tries to pull away but she cuts him off with a hand behind his head and a gentle press of her lips to his. 

“It’s okay,” she says.  “Maybe later, but, right now, I would like to just focus on kissing you.”

“I think I can manage that.”

And so they stay like that for a while longer – surprisingly, no one comes to check on them – wrapped in each other’s arms, lips locked, Jane in Cullen’s lap as he sits on the porch swing, rocking them gently back and forth with one foot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay they finally kissed!!!! anyways I hope y'all enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! once again, sorry I'm almost late :/ I was working kids' camp all week and it literally sucked the life out of me so I didn't have too much energy to write until this weekend
> 
> as always, I live off kudos and comments so those are always appreciated :)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look I updated

Daniel and Jonny lean against the window, watching their baby sister swing on the porch with Cullen.  Natalie paces behind them.

“I told you that they weren’t just friends,” Daniel comments without averting his gaze, noticing how Jane blushes and stumbles over her words and how Cullen pays apt attention to her. 

“Yes, yes, you’ve said that a hundred times by now,” Natalie snaps. 

“Calm down, Nat,” Jonny says.  “She’s not stealing your thunder, or whatever the fuck you think it going on out there.  Today is still your day.”

“That’s not what I’m worried about!” Natalie says angrily. 

“Then what is it?”

“He’s poor,” Natalie simply states.

“Maker, is that _seriously_ what’s bugging you right now, Nat?” Daniel asks, turning to Natalie so that she can see she has his full attention.  “You’re shitting me, right?”

“No, I am not.”

“Nat, you didn’t give two shits when Emma, the woman I am literally married to and have a child with, was poorer than we are,” Daniel says.  “She’s not of the same social class as us and you didn’t say a peep when I first brought her home.”

“You’re my _older_ brother, Daniel,” Natalie counters.  “I’m not really allowed to have a huge say in what my older siblings does.  Jane, on the other hand, is younger and needs a guiding hand.”

“You didn’t give her a guiding hand when she was dating Sam,” Jonny says. 

“Sam wasn’t dirt poor,” Natalie argues.  “I just want what’s best for her.”

“I doubt this kid is dirt poor too, since he can afford to go to Skyhold for his schooling,” Jonny notes.

“She’s old enough to decide that for herself, Nat,” Daniel says, interrupting Jonny and Nat’s bickering before resting his hand on his sister’s shoulder, hoping to stop her pacing.  “She’s eighteen, now, and there really isn’t that much we can do for her.  Besides, if this Cullen kid is supposedly too poor for Skyhold, he’s obviously smart enough to earn a ton of scholarships.”  Daniel sighs and makes eye contact with Natalie.  “We can’t always guide our younger siblings in every aspect of their lives, Nat.”

Natalie pooches her lips to one side and lowers her eyes to avoid her brother’s critical gaze.  “I suppose.”  She lets out a heavy sigh and slumps her shoulders.  “She probably wouldn’t accept my help anyways,” she mutters.

"Well, you were a huge bitch to her growing up and tried to control everything she ever did, so you can’t really blame her,” Jonny says, rather chipper.  “She doesn’t have too many good memories of you, Nat,” he continues in a more serious tone.  “Jane _might_ listen to this advice coming from me or Dan, but, in all honesty, she’s gonna do what she wants to do, and there isn’t much _we_ can do about it.  All we can do is be there in case something goes wrong.”

“I know, I know,” Nat says, defeated.  She sneaks one more glance at her little sister, eyebrows raising as she takes in the scene below.  “Well, it seems like their conversation went well.”

The two Trevelyan boys turn to see what Natalie is talking about.  Their faces adopt expressions similar to hers when they understand what she means.  “That it sure does,” Daniel quips.  “And on that note, we should probably stop spying on her now.”  He pauses.  “We should also probably make sure that Mom and Dad don’t bug them,” he says as he steers two of his younger siblings away.

\-- 

Jane hums to herself as she brushes her hair, replaying the past few hours in her head. 

She kissed Cullen.

Cullen kissed _her_.

And they were totally sober this time.

She still can’t really believe it. 

But she frowns, pausing in her ministrations as she realizes that the two of them still haven’t _really_ talked. 

Sure, she knows that they talked about recent things, but they haven’t even pretended to broach the subject of what happened at the beginning of the semester, of how they got started on this crazy path.  She wishes that she could just shove the whole affair under the rug; pretend that it never happened and that everything is a-okay.

But she knows that she can’t.

Sighing, Jane places her brush back on the counter and stares at herself in the mirror. 

Her freckles are darker than usual against her tanned skin that is shown off by her tank top, her green eyes shining despite how tired she is, her reddish brown hair tame now that she’s spent some time on it.

Before she can consider how she looks any more, there is a soft knock on her door.

Poking her head out from her bathroom, Jane calls out a, “who is it?”

“It’s me.”

Her heart flutters at the sound of Cullen’s voice, even if he does sound a little tense.

“Come in,” she says as she slips from her bathroom and onto her bed, sitting crisscross as Cullen enters her room.  “What’s up?” she asks, watching Cullen close the door behind him.  He’s dressed in his pajamas; the same rugby shirt from before and a pair of athletic shorts.  “You can sit,” she adds as he nervously eyes her bed.

He sits, almost awkwardly, at the edge of her bed.

“How are you doing?”

Jane’s expression betrays her – her eyebrows furrow and she frowns for a split second.  “I’m, uh, I’m fine?” she says, but it comes out as more of a question than a statement.

They both fidget for another moment before Cullen scoots closer to Jane, ending up directly across from her, their knees touching as they sit with their legs crossed. 

“How are you?” she continues uneasily. 

“I’m doing pretty fine, too,” he replies, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck.     

Why is this so awkward?

Before Jane can discover an answer for that question, Cullen’s lips are on hers again, taking her by surprise. 

She is also surprised when the force of their kiss makes her fall backwards, against the soft sheets of her bed.

“Whoa there, Cullen,” she says, gently pushing him back and forcing his mouth from hers.  “What’s all this about?”

Instead of answering, Cullen just captures her lips in another kiss, this one needier than the first (which she didn’t think was possible).

“Cullen, answer me.”  Jane turns her head to the side, Cullen’s kisses instead falling on her cheek and neck (and, _Maker_ , does she wish they would keep going). 

Sighing, Cullen sits back on his haunches, head to the side and eyes on the floor, doing his best to completely hide himself from Jane. 

“Cullen?” she repeats his name again, sitting up before reaching a hand to his cheek to turn his face back to hers. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispers, still not bringing his eyes to hers.

Again, Jane tilts her head to the side and knits her brows together in confusion.  “For what?”

“For everything.”

“That’s not specific enough, Cullen,” she says quietly, trying to coax him into looking at her.  “You can tell me what’s wrong, okay?”

His lips are pressed together into a thin line, and he doesn’t seem like he’s willing to say anything.

“There’s no need to apologize for kissing me earlier tonight, nor is there a need for you to apologize for what just happened.  Both of those things were totally fine with me, okay?  I know that I pushed you away just now, but it’s because I thought something was bothering you, and I wanted to see if you needed to talk.”

A small smile ghosts Cullen’s lips; he isn’t sure what he did to deserve this girl’s kindness. 

“Take your time,” she tells him, dropping her hand from his face and folding it with the other in her lap. 

A few minutes pass before Cullen speaks again.

“I’m sorry for things that happened before…before today,” he says carefully. 

“Such as?”

Cullen steels himself and directs his attention back to Jane, his eyes meeting hers.  “For what, uh, happened at the beginning of the semester.”

“You mean back when we went to a party, got completely wasted, didn’t know each other that well, and had sex?”

Cullen cringes at her nonchalant description, but nods nonetheless.  “Yeah.  That.”

“Why are you sorry for that?”

“Because, earlier tonight when we were talking, you were telling me about how multiple boys left you because you wouldn’t have sex with them, so that means that it’s important to you.  B-but then, here I come, get you drunk, and screw you like it’s no big deal, when, obviously, it is to you.  I must have caused you a lot of pain, and that upsets me and I’m sorry for it.”

Jane shrugs.  “I mean, sure, it was rough there for a little while.  Seeing you in class made me super embarrassed and I felt weird all the time, but it’s okay.”

“How is that okay?”

“Because I knew you were just as embarrassed and in the dark about the whole thing as I was.  Well, I didn’t know that at first, but I, uh, I guess I came to understand that it wasn’t awkward and bizarre for just me.”

Cullen frowns, still not completely convinced by Jane’s argument. 

“Cullen, please, just listen to me for a minute, okay?”  After he nods, she continues, “I’ve learned, basically, when I should and shouldn’t hold a grudge.  Like, take Nat for example.  Huge, controlling bitch to me when we were kids.  I’ve forgiven her for all that because there’s no point in letting it eat away at me, no point it letting all of the negative things she said control my life, but it doesn’t mean that I have to get along with her and be friends with her.  All it means is that I chose to not let it bother me.  If I let every little bad thing in my life get to me, I’d be an absolute fucking wreck, Cullen.  Sure, yeah, it took me some time to process everything that happened between us, and I was a little bit of a fucking wreck during that time when we were figuring out how to act around each other, but I worked through it.  I’m not mad at you, Cullen, I promise.  In fact, who knows where we’d be today if that hadn’t happened?”

“Well, our friends would still be friends with each other, so we’d still know each other, and would probably still be on this same path.”

“You don’t know that,” Jane insists.  After a sigh, she says, “there’s no point in worrying about what could have happened, Cullen.  I-I know that’s a struggle for you, but just trust me, okay?  Please?”

Cullen chews on his bottom lip as he ponders Jane’s words. 

She has a point, he finally realizes.

“I trust you,” he says firmly.  Because he really does – he trusts this girl more than he ever thought he would trust anyone.  “I felt bad for months,” he continues.  “I thought I’d ruined something about college – and life in general – for you, and it wasn’t until you came home with me that I realized that, maybe, everything was all right for you.”

Jane nods.  “Yeah, that’s about when I just sort of, well, buckled up and said that it was time for me to start working through everything that had happened between us, y’know?  I reasoned through all of our interactions, and sort of understood that you were just as awkward as I was about everything,” she says with a laugh.  “I figured that we could be awkward together, and work through this together.”  She pauses.  “Or that we could just forget that it ever happened and start anew.”

Cullen chuckles softly.  “I wish we could forget, too, but we both know that we can’t.  It’s a big and weird thing for both of us.”

“Yeah, I know.”  Jane smiles and brings her eyes to Cullen’s, a glimmer of hope in them.

There is a lull in the conversation, each mulling over the other’s words, the other’s feelings.

“I do think,” Jane begins carefully, oh so carefully, “that I would very much like to kiss you again.”

“You do?”

She nods. 

There is a smile on Cullen’s mouth as he wraps his arms around Jane’s waist and pulls her close, bringing their lips together.

Jane sighs lightly into their kiss; enjoying the feel of Cullen’s soft lips against her rough, chapped ones (he enjoys the ridges on her lips, the feel of them against his own). 

Cullen ensures Jane is settled into his lap, ensures that they are both comfortable before running a hand through her hair, fingers easily sliding through the silky strands (she chooses to instead tangle her hands in his hair, holding onto it for what Cullen would assume to be dear life). 

They both savor the taste and feel of having someone so precious in their grasp. 

Cullen sighs as his hands wander up Jane’s legs, over her waist, her torso, before they comb through her hair again.  He loves the feel of this girl; her smooth skin, soft hair, the way she shudders at his touch. 

She giggles as his hand passes under her shirt and over her side. 

“Everything all right?” he asks between gentle kisses.

“Yeah, yeah, of course.  Why?”

“You laughed.”

“Oh, well, you sort of got me in a tickle spot,” she tells him before kissing him deeply.

“I did?” he asks when he breaks away from her kiss.

“Mhm,” she responds, lips lazily tracing his jaw. 

“So, are you saying that you’re ticklish?” he asks as he tilts his head back so Jane’s mouth has more access to his neck. 

“A little,” Jane says, her breath ghosting against Cullen’s skin and making him shudder.

“So, what I’m hearing is that I definitely shouldn’t do this?” 

Without any warning, Cullen’s hands slip under her shirt again and his fingers dance along her sides.

Jane’s hands move from Cullen’s hair to his chest, doing their best to put as much space between the two as possible.

It is not a very successful attempt.

Cullen’s grip on Jane’s waist tightens and, before she can escape, he quickly wraps one arm around her and tugs her close, while his other hand mercilessly tickles her.

Tears prick at the corners of Jane’s eyes as she gasps and shrieks and squirms, doing her best to escape Cullen’s hold.  “Please, please stop,” she pleads breathlessly, a light laugh in her voice.  She worms one of her arms free and says a quick prayer of hope to the Maker before trying to get her revenge. 

Unfortunately, Cullen is not as ticklish as she is – her efforts have some success, but not as much as she would have hoped. 

“Please let me go,” Jane says, absolutely winded from Cullen’s ruthless tickles.  “I can’t take this any longer.”

“Let you go?”

“Yes, please.”

"Okay."

And so he does.  In fact, Cullen removes his arms from Jane before promptly shoving her out of his lap.

She lets out an indignant yelp as she falls backwards from her comfortable perch and onto her bed.  “What was that for?”

“You asked me to let you go,” Cullen tells her innocently, even batting his eyelashes for effect.

“Yeah, but that was a little rude,” she replies with pursed lips. 

“Oh, it was rude?”

“Yes.  It was.”  Jane crosses her arms with a huff.

“Well, I’m sure that there must be _some_ way that I can make it up to you,” Cullen says, his voice low and playful as he moves towards Jane.

“I mean, I’m sure there is,” she responds, doing her best to hide a smile.  “Do you have any ideas in mind?”

“I have a few,” he murmurs, as he pushes Jane back and leans over her.  “But it’s always nice to have a bit of guidance.”  His lips brush where Jane’s neck and shoulder connect before traveling up, causing her to shiver. 

“Well, you see, I, uh, I have a couple, um, ideas,” she manages to say, despite Cullen’s attention to her.

“Such as?”

“You could always kiss me.”

“I think I could do that.”

And so, mouth meets mouth again in a tender kiss, although, it does not stay tender for long.

Soon enough, Cullen and Jane are a tangle of limbs again, Cullen breathing heavily and Jane blushing from all the places his hands and mouth decide to wander. 

With one final kiss, Jane pulls away from Cullen, covering a yawn with her hand.  “It’s late,” she says simply.  “You should probably get going to bed.”

“Who needs sleep?” Cullen teasingly asks.  “I can think of something much more enjoyable than sleeping that we can do.”

“ _I_ need sleep,” Jane says firmly.  “And I also need you to get out of my room.  As much as I would like for you to sleep here, knowing my luck my entire family would decide to knock on my door in the morning to make sure I was up and ready for our flight back to school.”

Cullen makes a noise of protest as he places kisses along Jane’s neck, shoulders, chest, anywhere his mouth can reach. 

“Cullen, please,” she whispers.  “Once we’re back at school we can do this, but we’re at my house and I don’t want to disrespect my parents or give my siblings any ideas.”

“Okay, okay,” he says, yielding to Jane’s wishes.  “One more kiss?”

“Of course,” she says, a small smile on her lips.

With one more kiss, the two part ways, each wearing a broad grin. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes guys I'm sorry this is so short and it took me over a month to do! my life got kinda extremely hectic about a week after I published the last chapter and I just didn't have any time D:
> 
> so to reward y'all for waiting 5ever for this chapter I gave you lots of fluff and bonding times! 
> 
> as always my blood actually consists of comments and kudos so those are definitely appreciated!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's done, my dudes

A sharp knock on her door wakes Jane up the next morning.  Groaning, she rolls over in bed and covers her ears with her pillow.  “Go away,” she says, voice muffled. 

Much to her dismay, the door opens anyways, and she feels three separate people sit on her bed.

“Wake up, Janie,” says a voice.

With a sign, Jane sits up and faces her siblings.  Running her fingers through her hair in an attempt to brush it, she says, “do you need something?”

“Well, you’re leaving in a couple hours, so we figured that we would drop in and say goodbye before you did,” Natalie says, a slightly strained smile accompanying her words.

Jane purses her lips.  “That’s not true and we all know it.  What’s really going on?”

“He’s a fucking catch, sis,” Jonny says, getting straight to the point, much to the chagrin of his older brother and sister.  “What?” he asks when they stare at him in disappointment.  “It’s better than lying to her.”

Jane feels the tips of her ears burn in embarrassment, and knows that her face is redder than a tomato.  “That’s one way to put it,” she mumbles, looking down and twisting her hands together nervously. 

“Not in a bad way,” Daniel says quickly.  “We just want to know, uh, why you lied to us earlier.”

“I never lied,” Jane insists hotly.  “When you asked if he was my boyfriend and I said he wasn’t, I was telling the truth.  We still haven’t even talked about that yet.  Besides, it’s not like it’s any of your business, anyways.”

“Jane, don’t be like this—” Natalie starts.

"Don’t try and tell me how to act, Nat,” Jane says, her voice firm but tired.  “I really don’t have time for you trying to control my life anymore.  I’m eighteen; I think I can make my own damn decisions about boys.”

“Can you guys stop bickering for one second?” Jonny asks, interrupting their argument.  “Andraste’s tits, you two.  Calm down for once in your lives and stop trying to fight with each other at every opportunity.  It’s really fucking annoying.”

Natalie and Jane both close their mouths, ashamed by Jonny’s words.

“We get what you’re saying,” Daniel says soothingly, taking this opportunity to finish his earlier questions.  “But why didn’t you tell any of us about him?  Did you tell Mom?”

“Of course not,” Jane says.  She wraps her arms around herself in an attempt to have some sort of support in a situation where she feels alone.  “I just…” she sighs, shaking her head and staring at her knees, which are still covered by her quilt.  “He’s no Sam and, so, I figured you guys wouldn’t like him, even if I did.”

“Jane, that’s not true.”

“Are you sure?” Jane snaps.  “Are you absolutely _positive_ that isn’t true?  Because you drove away a boy before him, and you made me feel _ashamed_ of the boys I brought home after him!  I joke and tell my friends it was for other reasons that did play a part, but mainly it was the fact that I didn’t feel they were welcome here.  I sure as _hell_ don’t feel like Cullen is welcome here either, especially after this.”

“This?”

“The three of you marching into my bedroom in the morning to try and lecture me on boys.”

“Firstly, we weren’t trying to lecture you,” Nat says firmly.  “We just wanted to know what was going on between the two of you.”

“We like each other and he kissed me.  That’s it.”

“It seems like he cares a lot about you,” Daniel says.  Flushing, he continues, “we, uh, saw the beginning of your conversation on the porch last night.  We didn’t hear anything, don’t worry, but from his body language it’s clear that he likes you.  A lot.  And now, before you start coming up with excuses or get angry that we were spying on you, I would just like to say that I, personally, don’t have a problem with him.  If you like him, that’s good enough for me, Janie.  I trust your judgement.”

“I’d date him, so, if anything, I’m just jealous,” Jonny says (this comment makes Jane blanch more than anything else her siblings have said so far).

Natalie is silent.

“Good to know that I have a two out of three approval rating,” Jane comments drily.  “Now, if the three of you are done lecturing me about my life choices, I would really enjoy if you left.  You’ll have time to say goodbye before we leave.”  With that, Jane stands and shows her older siblings out of her room.

Once the door is closed, Jane slides down against it, the cool wood soothing her hot skin.  She grits her teeth and squeezes her eyes shut and tangles her hands in her hair.  A few tears well in her eyes as she wonders why her siblings can’t just ever leave her alone.

She pauses, realizing that that isn’t a fair accusation.  Daniel was pretty supportive in the end, and Jonny was as ambivalent as always.

In the end, it was really only Natalie who didn’t seem too excited about the whole ordeal.

Jane sighs, knowing that she shouldn’t be surprised.  It’s just like Natalie to disagree with everything her siblings said or believed.

A knock on her door – this one much softer than the one before – pulls her from her thoughts. 

Jane takes a second, breathing deeply so as to ensure her voice doesn’t shake.  “Who is it?”

“Me.”

Jane perks up at the sound of Cullen’s voice, standing and wiping the tears from her eyes before opening the door.  “What’s up?” she asks, trying to sound casual. 

Cullen’s hand moves to the back of his neck and she knows he is nervous.  “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, of course,” she replies, moving out of the way.  “Are you going to tell me now?” she asks once the two of them are settled nicely on her bed. 

“I, uh, I just had a rousing conversation with your sister.”

“You did what?”

“You heard me.”

“What did she say?”  Jane’s curiosity is bursting, and she eagerly waits for Cullen’s answer.

Cullen rearranges, sitting up and making eye contact with Jane.  “She said she was sorry.”

“I don’t understand.”

Cullen huffs out a short laugh, a ghost of a smile on his lips.  “I think that’s why she told me,” he says.  Before Jane can cut him off he continues, “she said that she didn’t think you would listen to her.  And don’t worry,” he adds, raising his hands in front of him, “I was skeptical of her approaching me.  At first, anyways.”

“At first?”

"Yeah.”  Cullen nods, shifting a little as he carefully chooses his next words.  “She seemed real embarrassed when she knocked on my door.  She acted a lot like you – red cheeks and a slight stutter in her voice.”

“Nat never stutters,” Jane says.  She knows her older sister.

“Probably because she’s never been vulnerable around you,” Cullen chastises. 

Jane stays quiet after that.

“Anyways, she said that she wanted to apologize for judging me so harshly, even if it wasn’t to my face.  She said that you seemed to really care about me and that your brothers seemed to trust you.  She _also_ said that you would never believe any of that coming from her, so maybe you would believe it coming from me.”

Cullen notes that Jane’s lovely lips have twisted into a scowl, her brow has darkened, and she has crossed her arms over her chest, effectively cutting herself off.  “Interesting,” is all she says. 

“Jane, please,” Cullen starts, reaching a hand out to her.

She leans back, his hand barely grazing her skin.  “What?”

“I think she really meant it, Jane.  I think that Natalie is actually sorry for how she’s been acting towards you recently.”

“And _I_ think that’s just great and all, but I’m also not one hundred percent ready to accept an apology from her yet, Cullen.  I’m just not.”  She sighs and it relaxes her face a little, lighting up her features.  She uncrosses her arms and rubs her eyes with the heels of her palms.  “I know she wasn’t as bad, but it’d be like your dad showing back up at your door and trying to apologize for everything.”

Cullen tenses at the mention of his dad, but he understands the point Jane is trying to make.  “I get that,” he tells her gently.  He stretches for her again, and this time she doesn’t shy away.  “But at the same time, I don’t think that the relationship you have with your sister is as damaged as the one I have with my dad.  While you don’t have to accept her apology and greet her with open arms immediately, you should use this as a step in the right direction.  Maybe at least just, I don’t know, let her know that you’re aware she’s sorry?  Thank her for apologizing to me?  I know it’s not much, but it’d be something and I know she’d appreciate it.”

Jane chews on her bottom lip, thinking over Cullen’s words.  “I guess I can do that.”

Cullen smiles, and it pulls at the scar on his face.  “Good.”  Leaning forward, he chastely brushes his lips against Jane’s.  “Now, come on, don’t we need to get ready to go?”  He goes to slide off the bed, but finds his wrist caught in Jane’s hold before he can.  “Yes?”

“We, uh, w-we need to talk,” Jane says quietly, face flushed. 

Cullen turns back to her, concern obvious on his face.  “Is everything all right, Jane?”

“Yeah, um, yeah everything is, it-it’s fine.”  She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.  “I just…I just need to know what this is.”

“This?”

“Y’know, uh, this,” Jane says again, gesturing between the two of them.  “I-in our talk on the porch last night, y-you said that you were no longer afraid to co-commit to me and that p-people in relationships, uh, he-help each other, b-but you never actually, um, said in what way.  I-I didn’t think anything of it until just now, but I, um, I w-wanted to know what you meant.”  She looks down and focuses on the trapezoid-shaped section of sheets she can see with her legs crossed, her cheeks turning redder than before. 

“Hmm, I suppose that I wasn’t too specific, was I?” Cullen muses. 

The next thing Jane knows, she is being gently and lovingly pulled closer to Cullen.  There is a warm and affectionate smile on his face as his eyes search her face, taking in every freckle and scar.  He presses a kiss to the tip of her nose.  “I suppose I should give you some clarification, shouldn’t I?”

“That would be nice.”

“Well, then, let me be as clear as possible.”  Cullen places a kiss to her lips.  “Jane Trevelyan, would you like to be my girlfriend?”

The smile that stretches across Jane’s face makes Cullen’s stomach feel like it is full of butterflies. 

“I would absolutely love to be your girlfriend, Cullen Rutherford,” she replies. 

The next kiss they share makes Jane’s head spin.  She never thought that she’d feel this light from kissing someone again. 

She never thought that one simple kiss from someone could show her that she meant the world to them.

To her, this kiss is a breath of fresh air, a weight lifted off her shoulders.  She feels energized and renewed as her lips press against Cullen’s.  She hadn’t really thought of it like that before, she realizes, but she is glad. 

She is _so_ glad that she can relax and be herself around someone as good as Cullen.

Cullen is in a similar boat – he loves how perfect Jane is with him.  He doesn’t feel like he’s kissing or touching her as a release.  He’s acting with a deliberate purpose, but not one that comes from his insecurities.  Instead, it flows from his affection for her, from his want—need—to make sure she knows that she is precious, that she is loved. 

“We should be getting ready,” Jane says, tearing herself away from the kiss, as reluctant as she may be.  “Trust me, I would _much_ rather stay here in bed all day with you, but we can’t.  We have a plane to catch.”

“I know, I know,” Cullen says with a heavy sigh.  He brings his mouth to Jane’s one final time.  “But we have plenty of time for that later.”  He winks cheekily at her.

Jane rolls her eyes and shoves at him playfully.  “Calm down, you loser.”  She wraps her arms around his neck and hugs him tightly for a brief moment.  “Now go get ready.”

They say a quick goodbye before Cullen returns to his room.  Jane’s heart flutters in her chest as she repacks her bag, replaying the last few hours in her head once again.  Thankfully, though, she is able to keep her thoughts mostly in line and is ready in plenty of time to leave for the airport.  She reaches the foyer before any of her friends, so she sits on her suitcase and twiddles her thumbs while she waits. 

“Jane?”

At the sound of her name, Jane tenses.  “Yes?”

“Can I get a hug before you go, sweetheart?”

Jane turns her head and looks at her mother.  She’s standing there, brown hair in a loose, easy braid and a kind smile on her face.  Jane stands and envelops herself in her mother’s warm embrace.  “Of course you can, Mama,” she says. 

“Oh good,” her mother says before pressing her lips to her daughter’s forehead.  “But, I would have just hugged you anyways.”

“I know.”

At that moment, Jane hears Dareth, Dorian, and Cullen make their way down the stairs.  She pulls away from her mom before picking up her bags.  Her mother, in the meantime, is giving all three of the boys warm hugs goodbye and wishing them safe travels.  The rest of her family then arrives to bid farewell to the college students.  Jane receives a bear hug from both Daniel and Jonny (not at the same time, thankfully), and a pat on the back from her dad.  He tells her to have fun (but not too much fun) when she returns. 

As her brothers and parents exchange a few last words with the boys, Natalie pulls Jane aside. 

“I meant it,” she says, staring Jane in the eyes.  “What I told Cullen.  I know you probably don’t believe me or you don’t care, but it’s true.  Have a safe flight back, sis.”

“Yeah,” is Jane’s reply.  After a moment of cautious reflection she adds, “thanks.”

A corner of Nat’s mouth tugs up in reply; it’s not a real smile, but Jane considers it a start. 

“We really should be going, Miss Trevelyan,” Jeff says, pulling everyone back to reality.  “If you and your friends are ready, we can leave.”

“Yes, of course, Jeff,” Jane answers.  She turns, making sure the boys have their bags.  “Let’s get going, then.”

A chorus of goodbyes (some more enthusiastic than others) follow Jane the others to the car.  Jeff quickly loads their bags into the trunk and they are off.

Boarding the plane and settling into their seats takes no time at all – Jane and Dareth are once again sitting by each other, with Dorian and Cullen across the row. 

Once they take off, Dareth leans over and whispers, “so, how was your conversation last night?”  He grins at Jane.  “I’m also assuming you talked some more this morning.  Cullen isn’t a very quiet walker.”

“Well, uh, I mean, maybe,” Jane splutters, taken completely by surprise but conscious of the fact that she should have seen Dareth’s question coming from a mile away. 

“There’s no point in hiding anything from me,” Dareth responds airily; his grin has morphed into a smirk.

“I know, I know,” Jane mumbles, utterly embarrassed.  “But still!  You know that I’m no good talking about this sort of thing.”

“Even with your best friend?”

Jane loosens up with that comment.  “No, not with you.  I’m good at this with you.”

“Exactly.”  Dareth chuckles and shakes his head.  “Now stop stalling and just tell me what happened.”

“Okay, okay,” Jane says before sighing.  She then goes on to explain everything that had happened in the past twenty-four hours, from the clandestine hand holding at Natalie’s bridal shower, to the conversation on the porch, and the two subsequent ones in Jane’s room. 

“Yeah, but, real quick, I gotta know – how good of a kisser is he?”

Jane’s face burns with mortification.  “Maker, Dareth, did you really have to ask that?”

“I’m curious!  Now that you’ve kissed him and it’s not tainted by sweet, sweet, alcohol I want to know what it was like.”

Jane mumbles something incoherent.

“What was that?”

“He is a very good kisser,” she repeats, audible this time. 

“I figured as much.”

“You did?”

Dareth lazily raises an eyebrow at Jane, his expression vaguely mocking.  “Have you seen that boy?  There’s no way he doesn’t know how to kiss.”

“That’s fair.”

“I’m aware,” Dareth answers cheekily.  “But are you happy?”  His tone is more serious than before.  “I want you to think about it before you answer.”

And so, Jane does.  She goes over all the heartache and confusion Cullen caused her, before weighing it against the joy and light that he has brought into her life.  “I’d have to say that I am,” she replies.  “I really think that I am.”

The smile on Dareth’s face is genuine.  “Then that’s all that matters,” he quips.  “My work here is done.”

The rest of the plane ride is spent mostly in silence, with Dareth and Jane trading opinions on the gifts Nat received, or what the guests were wearing.  By the time the plane lands, the four are ready to be back in the dorms and under their nice, warm covers. 

Once back at school, the two couples temporarily part ways.  Jane and Cullen make a quick stop by Jane’s room, unpacking her belongings and giving Josie an update on the weekend, before returning to Cullen and Dorian’s room.  There, the friends laugh and chat about the time spent at Jane’s house, glad that they are finally able to relax after such a stressful past couple days.

“I think we’re going to head to my room for the night,” Dareth says, stretching as he sits up in the bed.  “Dorian’s been snoring real bad the past couple nights and I don’t want him to keep the two of you up all night.”

“Yeah, because that’s _totally_ the reason,” Jane remarks. 

“Jane, you wound me!” Dareth says dramatically, placing a hand over his heart.  “Here I am, trying to be a good friend, and you go and throw it back in my face.  I’m hurt.”

“I’m sure you’ll be fine,” Jane says. 

“It might take me a while.”

“Oh, will you two stop bickering?” Dorian says.  “I want to go to sleep and this conversation, as playful as it might be, is increasing the time I have until I can sleep and I don’t appreciate it.”

“Okay, okay,” Jane says, laughing.  “Go on and get out of here.”

“Already gone,” Dorian says, shutting the door behind him. 

“So, now that we’re alone…”  Cullen’s voice trails off as he brings his mouth to Jane’s (for the first time in what he would consider a long time).  Jane giggles as she returns his kiss, rolling onto her side so as to have a better angle.  Cullen’s hand lazily trails up her leg and side, finally stopping to unhurriedly card through her hair.  They stay like that for a while, slow and languid kisses that show that they have all the time in the world (and they do, Jane thinks to herself, the idea bringing a smile to her lips). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, yeah, this is it! I'd like to say thanks to the two or three people that have actually been here since the beginning, y'all are great! sorry it's taken me so long to finish this, but I lost a lot of inspiration because I didn't feel like anybody other than a couple other people still cared about this story, even if I did. 
> 
> I thought it was gonna be twelve chapters, but then I realized that everything that I had left that needed to be done could be wrapped up in one, so it's over at eleven. 
> 
> anyways, thanks for reading! as always, comments and kudos are appreciated more than you could ever know <3


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